Six Degrees of Queer
by corikane
Summary: Jesse and Beca break up before they both start out on a new part of their life. But things around the Bellas house are more complicated and Beca feels that her fears might keep her from the one she loves. [No copyright infringement intended.]
1. Chapter 1

**Gosh, it's been so long that I have all but forgotten how to do this. Well, I'm starting this new fic and am not at all sure of when I get to write. But I still love Bechloe and I missed them. I'm trying to update regularly. I hope you like and it's good to be back.**

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"I want to tell you something, Beca. It's just...it's hard," Jesse said.

Looking into his eyes, she saw his insecurity and tried a smile. "It's okay, whatever it is."

"You know, I've been wanting to tell you for a couple of weeks now. Things have been so crazy even before Copenhagen."

"Don't I know it, but you know...I think I already know what this is about. We haven't been exactly close this last year...for longer really. I don't think there's anyone to blame; these things just happen. And now you're moving to L.A. I'm so proud of you, but..."

"But things have to end," he said.

Beca nodded. She smiled a little sadly at him and he was looking back at her wistfully. "Come here," she said and they hugged. "It's okay."

In truth, it was better than okay. They had dragged their relationship with them through this last year, though her feelings for him had changed so much. They seemed to have matured into a steady friendship, one she wouldn't want to miss. But their love, if that was what they had had in the beginning (and she wasn't sure about this at all), had dwindled quickly. Butterflies had been a rare occurrence to begin with.

They parted and Jesse still had that sad smile on his face.

"You'll be fine," she said. "Good-looking guy like you. California girls will just eat you up."

He laughed a short laugh. "Yeah, I don't think so. I...there's something else we should talk about...before I lose my nerve."

"What? You know you can talk to me about anything, that hasn't changed."

He bit his lip, nervously it seemed to her and avoided her eyes. "We...Don't get me wrong, being with you was great. I love you, Beca, but...well, things...we weren't like I thought we would be. Do you know what I mean?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to talk about this, but it seemed he did, and denying what she knew to be true would only complicate this awkward conversation. She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"You're great, Beca. You're beautiful and smart and...passionate about your music. Just...I didn't feel that you were that passionate about me—"

"Jesse," she interrupted him, but didn't know what else to say. She wasn't looking at him now, either, but at her hands.

"No, it's...I think...it wasn't just you. I held back, too, because...because I...Beca, I'm gay," he finally burst out.

Beca looked up at him with wide eyes. This wasn't what she had thought he would say to her at all. "What?"

"I'm gay."

They looked at each other for a long moment, reliving parts of their relationship that never quite fit together.

"Wow," she said.

Jesse nodded. "It has nothing to do with you. I mean, you were amazing, the best girlfriend in the world. I just..."

"You didn't want a girlfriend," she guessed at what he wanted to say and he nodded again.

"You're not angry with me for not telling you sooner?" he asked sheepishly.

"No, of course not. I...You know, I talked to Cynthia Rose some about all this. I mean, coming out and all that. She says, sometimes a person is not ready and has to work through it. And...to congratulate people who do come out. So, congrats, bud, you're out." She smiled at him.

Jesse laughed. "Yeah, I wish it would be that easy with my parents. They gonna flip."

"You're their only son...but they love you. And they want you to be happy."

Beca hugged Jesse again. She felt surprisingly good about this, but also just a little melancholy. While she was happy for him and relieved about the break-up and how they were handling it, something in the pit of her stomach didn't sit right. She had an inkling what it was, but didn't want to examine it too closely just now.

"I'm glad you're okay with this." He leaned back, but then took her hand. He held it loosely between his own. "You are okay with this, right?"

"Yes, I am. It actually explains a lot where the Trebles have gone these last few months. Suckin' on a Lollipop, really? Were you trying to tell me something?"

They both burst out laughing. Then Jesse cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "Maybe I was trying to tell myself something. I...Please don't think, I've cheated on you or anything. It's not that dramatic, but...well, Derek and I..."

"Derek, huh?" She asked smiling.

Jesse blushed. "We haven't done anything, but...there's been a few moments when we kind of wanted to. We had a long talk last night and...he's going to UCLA next semester to study law and we're gonna see each other again."

"That's great, Jesse. He's gorgeous, all the girls think so."

Jesse chuckled nervously. "Yeah, he is."

"Jesse?"

He looked up at her.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes."

"Good, I'm happy for you." She squeezed his hand.

"So, what about you? Do you have...something to tell me?" he asked.

Beca felt her heart speed up, but then she shook her head. "You know all my plans already. I'm gonna stay here, that is in Atlanta. And I'm gonna make music."

He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded. "And you're gonna be brilliant."

"That's the plan," she told him.

There was a long pause that maybe only Beca thought was awkward. Jesse seemed to be waiting for something, for her to tell him something. But there wasn't anything to tell. Things were slowly resolving around the Bellas house, everybody was leaving. Emily had already moved in, because there really was no reason for her not to. Amy and Bumper had left for Australia for Bumper to meet Amy's family. Only a few Bellas remained; things were ending.


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving the Treble house, Beca felt like walking into a sweaty wall. Summer's heat was upon them and even though it made her feel clammy she decided not to enter the Bellas house. She redirected her steps to the back yard where she sat down in a lawn chair overlooking the Mississippi. The sight of the massive body of water just 'rolling along' calmed her thoughts a little. She still felt a little shocked by Jesse's coming out.

"I'll be damned," she murmured, shaking her head. She heard voices from inside, music, too. Everybody still here tried to cramp as much Bellas time into their last days as possible; Beca herself hardly found a minute alone in all the commotion that bordered on panic. Like they were never going to see each other again. And in reality, those remaining Bellas just had a hard time letting go.

Beca remained because she was the captain and felt it her duty to send everyone on their way. Also, she was finishing up her internship, looking for an apartment in Atlanta online. She didn't mind staying as long as it took...for Chloe to leave.

Beca sighed. Chloe. She would look at Beca and her eyes would tear up. She would rouse them all in the evening to watch some movie, just to spend time with everyone. And at every party they went to or gave, she would at some point walk around the room hugging all the Bellas and tell them how much she loved them and would miss them. It was so sad.

"Hey, Beca. I thought you had escaped to the Treble house for the time being?" It was CR who addressed her as she sat down in the chair next to her.

"Jesse and I broke up. There wasn't really any reason to stay any longer."

Cynthia Rose stared at Beca who just smiled. "You broke up?"

"Yeah, and it's okay, really it is."

"Wow, now that's...yeah, that's good news. I hear long distance relationships are messy."

Beca looked at her comically. "Isn't your relationship a long distance relationship?"

"Yeah, and it's messy," CR simply said. She grimaced at Beca but shrugged.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Her friend shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. She doesn't really understand why I'm still here."

"Why are you still here?" Beca asked.

"Like you don't understand. I mean, you're still here."

"I'm your captain."

"That's not your reason, that's your excuse," CR simply said.

"O-kay. Wow, I..." Beca shook her head. She wasn't sure what was happening; was it tell-the-truth-no-matter-the-cost-day again? "I don't even know what to say to that, but, yeah, thanks."

Cynthia Rose heaved a sigh. "Sorry, little one, I just...spent most of the morning fighting with my fiancée. And I can't really tell her..."

"Tell her what?"

"That I'm scared."

Beca reached out her hand and squeezed CR's arm. She, in turn, took Beca's hand in hers and they sat like that for awhile.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Leaving you all, or maybe being left by you all. And I'm not usually this sentimental. There might also be some...residual crush on Stacie. She's going to study medicine at Tulane, you know."

Beca nodded; they were all very proud of Stacie and also in awe. "We're gonna stay in touch, CR. I mean, look at Amy. She's in Australia and she still calls every day."

"You mean, every night because she can't seem to remember about time zones," Cynthia Rose said and they both chuckled.

"Yeah, but none of us is unhooking the phone, because we know she's gonna call. Which probably means that none of us is going to unhook the phone that connects us to the Bellas. We'll always just gonna be a phone call away."

Cynthia Rose looked up. "That's deep, little one."

Beca grinned. "I can be deep."

They smiled at each other. CR nodded. "I guess that means, I'll be gone by the end of the week, Monday latest. How long are you planning to stay?"

"Until everyone's gone. At least, that's the plan. I might have to kick Chloe out, though."

"Yeah, like you would actually do that, tiny kicker of ass," CR said in a thick German accent, then grinned at Beca.

"Let's not even go there, that woman fucked me up, I still don't know what happened." Beca shook her head, indicating that she really didn't want to talk about the time the captain of the German a cappella group messed up her hormones.

"Well, I could tell you," CR now said and by the look on her face it was an honest offer.

Beca shook her head almost imperceptibly.

"Or I could just shut up about it. So, what about Jesse and you? Is that really done and over with?"

"Oh, yeah, that's...finished." Beca sighed. "I'm...well...I think we're both glad it went so well. We weren't really clicking anymore."

"Oh, you mean, because he's gay?" CR said as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? How do you...you knew?"

"It was kinda obvious. He told you?"

"Yeah, he did. Wow, I mean...I never...well, maybe...but..."

CR smirked. "And to think of all the drama we went through..."

"Oh, come on, give me a break. That was only in the beginning. After that, it was pretty smooth sailing. I guess too smooth."

"There was no fire," Cynthia Rose confirmed.

"We had a spark, in the beginning," Beca tried to reason, but she knew she sounded lame. Jesse and her relationship hadn't really been all it had promised to be.

"And yet no fire."

"Spare me, okay? I think I'm..."

"Beca, you're back," they heard a very familiar voice from the backdoor of the house and turned.

"Yeah, I'm back." Beca sighed when Chloe came toward them, smiling.

"I thought you were with Jesse."

"Yeah, that was...can we talk?" Beca asked because she knew she would have to tell Chloe about the break-up anyway. Might as well do it now.

"Sure, but not out here. It's too hot."

"Hot damn," CR murmured. She smirked when Beca raised an eyebrow at her.

"Lead the way, milady," Beca said to Chloe who turned and walked back into the house. "You coming?"

"Later," CR answered Beca and watched her friends go inside. "Catching fire," she said under her breath and then turned to the water, staring out over it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I feel strangely at see with this story, or maybe it's my writing these days. I still hope you like it.**

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When Chloe and Beca entered the house, Emily and Jessica were sitting on the couch.

"Hey, guys," Beca said.

"Hey, I thought you were over at the Trebles'. That was a short visit," Jessica commented.

Beca rolled her eyes inwardly. The level of privacy in the Bellas house was basically non-existent, and it still sometimes surprised her. It had gotten a little better since Amy left, maybe she had thought, she was actually going to have some privacy now that there were so few of them.

"Yeah, it was. Well...you know, I guess I can tell all of you together." She looked at Chloe.

"If you want to, sure," her friend said and sat on the couch.

"Where's Stacie?"

"I get her," Emily helpfully volunteered.

"Should I get CR?" Jessica asked.

"No, we already talked about it," Beca answered and sat next to Chloe.

Emily and Stacie came back and they all sat and looked expectantly at Beca.

"Well, I just wanted to say – and this is not some big announcement or anything, it's just the way it is – Jesse and I broke up."

"What?"

"Seriously?"

"Oh, my..."

Chloe was the only one not saying anything, instead she took Beca's hand and interlinked their fingers. She squeezed Beca's hand.

Beca looked over at her, smiling a small thankful smile at her friend.

"It's not really a big deal, guys. We talked about it, and it's what we both want. It's for the best. Jesse's gonna go to L.A., I'm staying here. It's for the best." She had decided not to tell them about Jesse's outing. While he hadn't said that it was a secret, she wasn't going to out him to her friends. If CR hadn't guessed it, she wouldn't have talked to her about it either.

"You guys were just together for so long, since freshman year. It's strange to think of you two apart," Stacie said. She leaned forward and rubbed Beca's knee.

"I know, but we haven't really been that together this last year, so." Beca looked in turn at Jessica and Emily waiting for them to say something.

"I didn't even know you were together," Emily provided and they all looked at her surprised.

"Really?"

"Well, I thought you were good friends, but..." Emily shrugged. To be completely honest, Emily had thought Beca was with someone else, but Lily had set her straight on that one during a long talk they'd had at Aubrey's power retreat – or Aubrey's horror retreat, as Beca liked to call it.

"Well, I guess you must have thought about it. It's a little sad to think about all these things ending now. I hope all our friendships weren't just part of college and..." And then Jessica broke out in tears and fled the living room.

"I'll go talk to her," Emily again volunteered and left.

"So, is this really like...final?" Stacie asked

"Yeah, it's definitely final."

"Is it too early to ask if you would mind if I slept with him at some point? He's kinda cute, you know?"

"Stacie!" That was Chloe, but Beca only chuckled.

"You can always try, but, you know, Jesse is pretty conservative and he's got his eyes on someone else already."

"Huh, figures. Well maybe they'll be up for a threesome. I always wanted to do that."

"You always wanted to do it with a woman and guy? I didn't know you were into that," Chloe said.

"I really don't mind the parts. I've been with a trans-guy once. It's really all the same to me," Stacie told them with a bright smile.

"Does CR know that?" Beca asked, looking out the back window.

"Oh, yeah, she knows. We've talked loads about all kinds of stuff. We had sex a couple of times, too, but she wants a relationship and I don't see myself being monogamous, you know?"

Beca and Chloe looked at each other, again with wide-eyes expressions.

"Well, this day is certainly full of surprises."

"I don't know about that, but...I'm really sorry about you and Jesse, Becs. You know we're all here for you, right?"

Beca nodded. "Thanks, Stacie."

The leggy brunette stood and hugged Beca. "If you'll excuse me now, I had set up a sex-chat with Uni and the poor guys been waiting all this time."

"Go, go," Beca told her and gave her a friendly smack on the behind.

Stacie growled. "I could get into that, little one," she told Beca with a wink and they all laughed.

"Wow," Beca said leaning back. She once again looked out the back window to where CR still sat looking out on the water. She understood some of what held her friend here better now.

"Hey, listen," Chloe roused her and Beca turned to her. "I...I'm not sure...I'm sorry about you and Jesse, too."

Beca smiled. "I know."

"You never said anything that you were even thinking about breaking it up, so, I'm a little...confused, I guess."

"Sorry, Chlo, I...I thought this was something between Jesse and I. And you know how everyone is always barging into everyone's business around here. I needed to keep this to myself."

There was a glimmer of disappointment in Chloe's eyes but Beca only saw it for a split second before Chloe lowered her eyes to look at their combined hands.

Things had changed between them since the retreat. Beca couldn't really pinpoint how. Not talking to Chloe about Jesse wasn't even part of that; she had never felt comfortable discussing her relationship with Chloe. And the redhead had rarely asked, but now...there seemed an impatient undercurrent to their friendship. It threatened to sweep Beca away and that scared the Bellas captain.

Chloe lifted her eyes to her again, and as always they hit Beca with the revelation of just how blue they were, how clear, how expressive of all of Chloe's emotions. And she fell into them.

"Have you guys...oh, sorry." It was Emily and she blushed as Beca and Chloe both turned their heads toward her. Heads which had been impossibly close just a second before.

"Did you need something?"

"Just...I guess...help. Jessica won't stop crying. I think she needs one of you guys, you know?"

Chloe nodded. "I'll go." She stood and only seemed to realize now that she was still holding Beca's hand. She looked back at her. "We'll talk some more later?"

"Sure," Beca answered and released Chloe's fingers from between her own.

They smiled at each other, before Chloe turned and went upstairs. Emily remained standing at the stairs a little awkwardly.

"So," she said.

"I wanted to show you an arrangement I've been working on. I'd like your input," Beca said.

"Yeah, sure." Beca picked up her laptop from the table and they settled down to work.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry, this too, so long. I'm still having a few problems getting into the flow of the story, or writing. Enjoy.**

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That 'later' conversation with Chloe didn't happen anytime later. Beca wasn't sure how Chloe felt about this, but she was actually avoiding it. She avoided Chloe, and her friend didn't seem too eager to talk either. The rest of the week went by without any changes to the household, though Beca talked to Stacie as well as Jessica about their plans.

Since Stacie was going to Tulane, she was looking for an apartment in New Orleans and took day trips to the city. So far, she hadn't found anything. She told Beca that she didn't want to join a sorority, because it would only be a less awesome substitute for the Bellas.

Jessica was less sure of her plans. She was sending out resumés for any kind of job she thought she might be able to get with a degree in Health Care Management. She seemed less than motivated, though, so Beca tried to boost her confidence a little (going as far as to imitate Amy's effort at helping her out last year, freaking Jessica out in the process). Beca knew that Chloe was much better at these kind of things than she was, but Chloe wasn't really interested in having anyone leave.

It was Friday night. Beca was on her way to the bathroom, hearing low music from Cynthia Rose's room. She was packing. The others seemed to be fast asleep. She was almost at the bathroom door when the phone rang in the hall and she hurried to answer it. They'd put the phone upstairs because of Amy's calls and Beca was positive that this would be her. She wasn't wrong.

"Hey, Amy."

"How do you know it's me. It might be a different Australian, calling because they heard of how awesome the Bellas are and wanting to invite you all to here so you can sing for them. But if they ever do, don't make arrangements until you talked to me. Strayans are nasty buggers who will talk you into paying them money for the privilege of singing for them."

"Is this why you're calling? You want us to sing at your wedding – for free?" Beca asked amused.

"Nah, the wedding's off. Bumper flirted with my cousin, and by flirting I mean Bumper bumped uglies with the Ugly. That's not her name; I was just going for the pun."

"Oh my God, are you... do you need us to come out and kick Bumper's ass?" Beca asked.

"No, already done that and good. He's not gonna have any kids anytime soon, believe me."

"I...I'm so sorry, Amy."

"Oh, don't be. I don't know what I was thinking. He behaved like a caveman with my family. At first, I thought he was just nervous for meeting them, but then I realized that's how he talks. Just shows that a nice bum-per isn't all. Heard what I did there?"

Beca chuckled despite herself. "Yeah, I heard. Very funny. So, what're you gonna do now?"

"I'm coming back, what did you think?"

"Back here?"

"Yeah, I mean...not for forever, but just until I find another nice American to marry and become American, you know? Which reminds me: have you heard from Flo?"

"Yeah, she called the other day. She's with her family, but they want to marry her off to some guy...she said she was gonna come back as soon as she's build herself a raft...I never know if she's serious," Beca mused.

"She's not. I've gone through her things. Her family's loaded. She'll probably just charter a yacht."

"Oh, okay. But...about you coming back here? Are you planning on staying with us, 'cause, you know, you've graduated. We all have, and we should really..."

"Don't worry, BM, I've already got an apartment. I'm not gonna crowd the place with my sexy presence. Though I think you could've at least invited me," Amy chided.

"I'm sorry, Amy, it's just...we shouldn't even still be here. Any of us, except for Emily. But I can't get them to leave."

"Have you tried napalm, I hear it's very effective."

Beca chuckled. "That's plan B."

"How's Chloe?"

That was the moment, Cynthia Rose stuck her head out the door. "Is that Amy?"

"Who else would it be?" Beca asked with a smile which CR didn't answer. She shrugged one shoulder.

"Yeah, it's Amy. She and Bumper broke up. You want to talk to her?"

"Who is it?" Amy asked over the line.

"CR," Beca answered and held the receiver out to her friend.

"Tell her, I love her, no homo. I'll answer the phone tomorrow, 'kay? Night." And then she closed the door.

"CR asked me to tell you that you'll talk tomorrow and that she loves you...no homo," she added with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, with all that's happened here, I might take her love all homo. Men are such dicks."

"Speaking of, Jesse and I broke up, too."

"Oh," Amy simply said.

"Is that all? You're not even sorry?" Beca was surprised, she'd have thought Amy would show more interest in her affairs.

"Sorry, Becs, but...well, it was about time, wasn't it? I mean, speaking of homo and all that, he and Derek were sexing up the stage these last few performances, it even made me uncomfortable. And I like me some gay porn every once in awhile."

"Okay, too much information."

"Also...," but Amy didn't continue.

"What?"

"I know you don't wanna hear this but...Chloe and you weren't exactly platonic-ing it up around the house, if you get my drift."

Beca's breath left her in one big whoosh. Her heart beat wildly and she sat down on the floor with a thumb. "What?"

"Oh, come on, Beca. You got it bad for the ginger, and she for you."

"That's not...what's going on between us. Amy...I have to go." And then Beca disconnected the call. She felt short of breath, panic engulfing her. She gripped the telephone tightly and forced herself to calm down, mumbling the lyrics to The Monster Mash over and over until she calmed.

Beca took a deep steadying breath. Her thumb was still holding the red button on the phone and she was afraid if she let go of it, Amy would call back. She turned the phone over and took the batteries out. Then she went downstairs and put the phone and batteries next to the station for the next person to find and reassemble.

Then she went back upstairs. When she reached the upper landing, the door to Chloe and Jessica's room opened and Chloe stuck her head out. "Hey," she mumbled sleepily.

"Hey." It took all her effort to get even that one word out, because Chloe looked so adorable in her night shirt and tousled hair. Beca felt her insides melt at the sight.

"Did Amy call?"

"Yeah, she did. And she had some news, but they can wait till tomorrow. Go back to sleep."

Chloe nodded and yawned at the same time. "Good. Sweet dreams, Becs," she said with a smile and then closed the door.

"They'll probably be of you," Beca whispered and then shook her head at herself. "You're an idiot," she told herself and then remembered that she was about to use the bathroom when Amy called.


	5. Chapter 5

Chloe was still thinking about what Beca had told them at breakfast when she left the house the next day. But it wasn't the news of Amy's break-up with Bumper that made her ignore Jesse when he greeted her. He was packing his belonging into a car, but stopped to say 'hello.' She didn't answer.

"Hey, Chloe," Jesse tried again and then followed her. "Chlo-"

"What do you want, Jesse?" she groused at him.

The treble took a step back. He'd only had seen the redhead this fiery when he'd had a fight with Beca in their first year and she almost took his head off for criticizing her best friend. He lifted his hands. "Whoa, sorry. I... I just wanted to say 'bye', in case we didn't see each other. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"And why do you think I care? Honestly, Jesse, you broke up with my best friend and.-"

"We broke up. It was mutual. Didn't Beca-?"

She didn't let him finish. "She said as much, but she also said that you've already got another girl and I don't call that mutual. I call that cheating. And while Beca might be nice about it, because she's a far better person than you ever deserved, I don't have to be nice about it. So, back off," she practically yelled at him.

"Another...girl? She didn't say that," he said, but was already contemplating why Beca would say a thing like that. Maybe Chloe had misunderstood.

"She said you were interested in someone else and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what that means. I never thought I would say this, but you're scum, Jesse Swanson!"

He looked at her open-mouthed, shocked that the usually sweet girl would attack him like this. And he wasn't going to take this lying down. He'd never cheated and he wouldn't take this blow to his reputation. "I haven't cheated on Beca, I swear, Chloe! We...she...I...we broke up, but it wasn't anybody's fault. We're both good about this."

"Oh, yeah? Then why won't Beca even talk about it? Not even to me? She's spending most of her time alone in her room, and you know how hot it's getting up there in the summer. Something's not right and your break-up has something to do with it," Chloe told him, only slightly calmer than before but a lot worried.

Jesse frowned. "I don't know. We talked on the phone twice since then and she hasn't mentioned anything. Maybe, it's because of...well, my news...maybe it...I don't know, shook something lose or something."

"Your news?" Chloe asked.

"About...me being gay?"

"You're gay?" Chloe's eyes got impossibly wide. It looked almost comical, but Jesse refrained from laughing. If Chloe was this worried about Beca something was definitely not right. And why didn't she tell her friends – or at least her best friend – that he was gay?

"Yeah, I told Beca after we broke up. She seemed okay with it, but maybe..."

Chloe turned toward the Bellas house, a frown marring her usually carefree features. He'd last seen her this upset in the weeks before the power retreat when the Bellas couldn't get it together. When she looked back at him, all her anger had evaporated. "I'm sorry, Jesse, Beca didn't say a word about it. I...I didn't know."

"That's okay. Maybe she didn't want to out me."

"Yeah, maybe," but Chloe didn't sound convinced.

"Hey, you okay?" Jesse lay a hand on Chloe's arm and smiled at her.

Chloe tried to answer it with one of her own, but it wasn't convincing. She shrugged, then she shook her head. Tears were forming in her eyes. "Beca doesn't talk to me about...pretty much anything anymore. We were so close before...the retreat and then I said that stupid thing and...now everything is..." And then she started crying.

Jesse wasn't sure what to say, but he didn't hesitate to put his arms around the redhead. "Shhh, it's okay, Chloe. You know Beca, she's closed off sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. You're her best friend," he finally found the words.

"I ruined everything," she cried.

Jesse was aware that they could be seen from the Bellas house, and more importantly from Beca's attic room. He guided her into the Treble house and they sat down on the couch.

Chloe rubbed self-consciously at her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jesse, I didn't mean to..." She shook her head as new tears fell from her eyes.

"It's okay. Though, really, Chloe, Beca lo...likes you better than anyone else. Me included, I think. You should just talk to her."

"I can't. I feel...that I would say too much and then..."

"Chloe?" He asked, not sure how to help her when she was being cryptic. He had a vague idea of what she could be talking about, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject.

"Beca probably didn't tell you and...well, I guess..." The redhead bit her lip. "At the retreat, I said...I indicated that...I wondered aloud that I might wanna...experiment with Beca." She looked positively guilty at this admission.

Jesse on the other hand looked confused. "Experiment? What...what were you doing at that retreat? Did Aubrey make you guys do chemistry? I..." then his expression cleared some. "Oh, oh, you mean...EXPERIMENT," he pronounced it in a way as if that wasn't what Chloe had just said. But at least her meaning had gotten through to him now, or so Chloe hoped. "What did she say?"

"She said I was weird and turned away. We haven't talked about it at all," Chloe said.

Jesse couldn't help but laugh, but checked himself when he saw that Chloe wasn't happy about his reaction. "It's just so like Beca. You know she avoids confrontation like that."

"Yeah, but...I...I pretty much offered myself to her and she...completely shot me down."

"Okay, I won't go into the fact that you were 'offering yourself' to my girlfriend...", he drew his brows together for a second in mock anger. "But...well, maybe she didn't feel right about it, because she was still with me. Maybe she...was overwhelmed. Maybe-"

"She's just not into me," Chloe interrupted.

Jesse shook his head. "I don't think that's it."

"Has she said anything to you?"

"No, she hasn't, though I wouldn't tell you if she had. When I came out to her, I asked her if she wanted to tell me something, but she didn't. Though I've suspected for some time..." Jesse made a face.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I know this is...weird. Us talking about her. And you shouldn't break her trust. It's...okay."

"You're right, but...I still think you should try talking to her again. There's not much time left, you know?"

"Why do you think I'm stalling on leaving?" Chloe asked, grimacing because she felt bad about this. But she couldn't leave without having told Beca about her feelings. And she couldn't tell Beca about her feelings, because she was too afraid of losing her.

"You know, she said something about...coming out and that she talked to CR about it. I didn't think much about it at the time, but...maybe, do you think it's possible that they talked about Beca, not CR's own coming out?" Jesse wondered.

"I don't know. They've been closer this last year, talking about music...at least, I thought it was mostly about music."

"Well, maybe you could talk to CR."

"Maybe, though I doubt she'd tell me anything Beca told her in confidence."

"Yeah," Jesse mused. "You know...Beca and I had a rough start. I was pushy, she was pulling back...maybe, if I hadn't pursued her the way I did, nothing would have ever happened between us. I'm not saying you should be as douchey as I was, but maybe you should make her talk to you. It's not that big a house, there are only a few of you left. Maybe you need to confront her."

Chloe sighed. "I don't know. She's already withdrawn so far from me; I don't want to completely alienate her."

"I understand. Will you be happy, though, letting her go without telling her how you feel?"

Chloe shook her head. "Amy's coming back," she then said apropos of nothing.

"Really?"

"Yeah, she broke it off with Bumper. He cheated on her."

"Oh, wow...I mean, not that it's really surprising. It's Bumper."

"Yeah, I know..."

They said silent for a long moment, then Chloe said: "I'm sorry that I dumped all this on you."

"That's okay. It's strange how we never really talked, even though we both love Beca."

"Not so strange, since I've had a crush on her from the start."

"Oh, right. And I was maybe just a little jealous of you at times."

They both chuckled a little awkwardly.

"When are you leaving?" Chloe finally asked.

"Tomorrow morning...or probably late afternoon, since I know the boys have planned a party. Didn't they invite you guys?"

"I didn't wanna say," Chloe said with a grin.

"Well, I'll see you tonight then. You think the other Bellas are mad at me, too?"

"No, but then they always liked you a lot better than I did, so..."

"Right." Jesse laughed. "I will miss you guys. The Bellas were something special."

"Are," Chloe corrected.

"Of course, sorry. You are special."

Chloe stood. "I'll see you later then."

Jesse stood, too, and then hugged Chloe. It felt awkward to both of them, but maybe some day it wouldn't. Maybe they would be able to stay friends now.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello, everyone. I felt inspired by my favorite aca-bitches. Seriously, this happens when you're at a party and randomly look through your friend's dvds. You discover Pitch Perfect and you start missing the Bellas, so, last night I watched PP2, remembered, got my grove back. Hope you like.**

* * *

The Bellas were about to head out to the not-so-surprise party for Jesse, when the door burst open and there stood Amy.

„I'm back, aca-bitches!" she yelled.

Emily who'd stood closest to the door, took a few steps back.

„No need to cower, legacy. I only use my mighty power for good."

Jessica gave a whoop and ran to Amy. She hugged her fiercely.

„All right, all right. I missed you too, Ashley." It was an inside joke among the Bellas to misname Jessica and Ashley sometimes and it made Jessica tear up to have Amy call her Ashley.

„It's so good to see you," she told Amy, barely holding her tears in.

„How did you make the trip in," Beca looked at her watch. „Barely 17 hours?"

„It's a long story, and it involves a beer truck, 17 hungry goats and one drunk-ass pilot who I may or may not know biblically, if you get my drift."

„Oh, we get the drift, Amy. We get all your drifts."

„Just to be clear, we had sex. I don't want anyone to misunderstand, okay? It wasn't especially good, him being drunk and flying a plane, but it did happen."

An awkward pause followed this admission, which was interrupted by an impatient hiss from just outside the door.

„Oh, right," Amy said, „I almost forgot. Guess who I found lurking around the airport?" Amy reached out her arm, still standing inside the door, and pulled Flo next to her. Another outcry from Jessica could be heard and then everyone was hugging and hallo-ing. Only Beca looked a little out of sorts.

„Captain, my captain, why so glum? Don't tell me it's because of that break-up; yours, not mine," Amy guessed.

„No, it's... You know, I love you guys, but the way this is going we'll all be living here as old cat ladies. We're supposed to leave after graduation, you know?"

„Oh, don't worry, Beca. I'll not be crashing here again. There's this guy I owe money for smuggling me back into the country. I'll be his for the next 23 years, but then I'll be a free illegal alien, like everyone else."

Everybody was looking at Flo, they were never sure if she was joking or not and nobody dared laugh.

„Come on, you guys, I hear there's a party over at the Trebles'. So, are we going?"

„Amy, you just came back. How do you even know about this?" Chloe asked.

„Oh, please, it's all I hear since leaving the plane. Party at the Treble House, just like old time, minus Bumper, of course. The ballbusted scumbag who shagged my ugliest and practically deranged cousin." And with that, Amy spat on the carpet.

„Welcome home, Amy. Let's get you something to drink."

„I'd rather cop a root, but I'll have a drink with that," Amy said, nodding. She turned and was the first to traipse over the lawn toward the Treble house.

„Cop a root? Do you think that means what I think it means?" Chloe asked Beca as they followed.

„Knowing Amy, it does."

„That's what I thought."

* * *

Jesse pretended to be sufficiently surprised when he came back from a late evening snack-run Benji had dragged him on. The acas who still remained on campus were joined by a few selected friends from Jesse's classes; it wasn't a big assembly, most students had already left not to come back until next semester.

Everybody welcomed Amy back, even the ones who'd never met her (which were really just a selected few, Amy had been very visible around campus for four years). Flo, on the other hand, remained in the shadows mostly. She said, she was evading spies for the Immigration Department.

Since this was the Treble House there was plenty of alcohol and the party happened mostly around the pool. Beca kept an eye on Chloe so as not to repeat her jumping in again, but Chloe stuck to her side anyway. And she was more touchy than usual. During the last two years, Chloe had begrudgingly started to respect people's private spaces. This was mostly due to Flo telling her she'd cut her up and bury her where no one would find her if she didn't back off early after joining the Bellas. But tonight all that progress seemed to have evaporated: when Chloe wasn't holding Beca's hand or dancing close, she was hugging the other Bellas. Beca left Chloe with Jessica at some point needing a pit stop and another drink. When she came back almost half an hour later, they were still hugging with Jessica crying softly.

But apart from sentimental outbursts – one between Jesse and Derek which had Amy openly gawk and awww at them – everybody was having a good time.

* * *

Beca felt strong arms surround her from back as she stood talking to Benji.

"Hey... hey, you. What is up?" she turned her head as best she could, but Chloe had a death grip on her.

"Don't leave."

"I'm not leaving, Chlo, I'm right here." Beca tried to reassure Chloe through touch, but Chloe had trapped her arms. She just barely reached her thigh and patted it awkwardly.

"Hey, Benji," Chloe said.

He was smirking, this wasn't an unusual sight for him. "Hey, Chloe."

"Were you talking about Emily?"

"We, yeah, kind of."

"I've last seen her out back talking to a hedge, though I think Flo was hiding in it. She didn't sound happy," Chloe informed the Treble. "Maybe you better check or you might have a drug cartel assassin on your tail. You know how passionate Flo gets."

Benji blanched and waved at them before he turned in search of Emily.

"Trouble in paradise?" Beca asked.

Chloe let go of her so she could turn, but put her arms around her waist as soon as Beca had. "You know how it is. College, first love, exploring sexuality... Emily got wind that Benji is bi, and she's having a hard time with it."

"Benji is bisexual?"

Chloe nodded.

"Huh, why am I always the last to know anything around the aca-world?"

"Because...," but Chloe didn't continue.

"Because?"

"Because, you're more interested in the music-aspect of our group. I'm there for moral support."

"Are you saying I'm not interested?" Beca looked up at Chloe, frowning.

"Oh, you are. We all know you care, but most of the time you got music on your mind. Life isn't just work, Beca."

"I don't think it is. It's just..."

"We understand, Becs, it's all right." Chloe pulled Beca into a full-body hug. One it seemed Chloe wasn't to end anytime soon.

"You make me sound like some kind of heartless workaholic. You make me sound like Aubrey," Beca pouted.

"Aubrey is not heartless, maybe a workaholic. And neither are you," Chloe quickly added when Beca was about to pull back. She held her tighter. "You just don't like drama, we all know that. So, I deal with the drama around the house."

"I've dealt with my share of drama."

"Sure, you have, sweetie."

"I've had to deal with Amy and her Bumper-drama all through last year," Beca insisted.

"Except when Amy thought Bumper had given her an STD, she came to me with that and I took her to see my doctor."

"Really?"

Beca could feel Chloe nod against the side of her head.

"I guess I have missed some of the drama," Beca admitted. She became aware of how long she and Chloe had been standing in an embrace and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. But people mostly ignored them, standing near the fireplace, and Beca felt that she didn't want to leave the warm cocoon of Chloe's arms.

"I could bring you up to speed, but that would take a while," Chloe suggested.

"Nah, thanks. I'm confident you handled everything perfectly. You are the best moral support anyone could wish for, after all."

"Thank you, honey" Chloe said and Beca could hear the smile in her voice.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: WebzForevz - no, Ashley's not dead. She's just already left, has a teaching job somewhere in Vermont where she's originally from. She says hi!**

* * *

It was some time and several drinks later, when Beca found herself swaying to slow music in Chloe's arms. They'd come to the quasi dance floor by the pool because of a song Chloe loved and she had just pulled Beca after her. Now, the DJ was playing something slow and they still hadn't left.

Beca was too comfortable to move much.

"You know, I love this shirt. It reminds me of the one you wore when we first met," Chloe said, twitching at the collar of Beca's shirt.

"You still know what I was wearing?"

"Of course I do. Don't tell me you don't remember what I was wearing."

"Blue dress. It made your eyes shine like crazy."

Chloe smiled brightly.

"I just don't really remember what I was wearing. Can't have been very memorable," Beca added.

"Depends on who you ask."

"I bet you know what all the Bellas were wearing when you first met them."

"Well, most of them stood over me on a stage, that's hard to forget. Especially since it was their worst performance I've seen. They've gone such a long way from then, we all have."

Beca nodded. There was a low voice at the back of her mind, wondering if she should feel self-conscious about dancing with Chloe – slow-dancing with Chloe – but her regular voice told her that it wasn't like their friends had never seen them hugging or dancing. She listened to that voice, straining to hear the lower one just took too much effort and Beca felt decidedly lazy.

"How do you feel about Jesse leaving?"

Beca shrugged. "I'm gonna miss him, that is, my friend Jesse, not as in boyfriend, you know?"

"We talked earlier, Jesse and I. I was a little short with him about... well, about breaking up with you-"

"I told you-"

"Yes, I know, it was mutual and all, but I know you, Becs, even if it hadn't been you probably would have said it was. And you never said you would want to break up and I was going with what I knew."

Beca avoided Chloe's eyes. "We haven't talked a lot these last few weeks," she said, her voice low.

"Exactly. So, I didn't know. You also didn't tell me that Jesse was gay-"

"That wasn't for me to say," Beca quickly put in.

"I know, but, well, Jesse did tell me now. And I guess it's also kinda obvious." Chloe looked around, finding Jesse who was sitting next to Derek on an outdoor couch. They seemed to have forgotten the world around them. Chloe smiled.

"Yeah," Beca said and sighed.

"Are you really okay with it? Jesse liking guys?"

"Well, for one, it isn't for me to say if it's okay or not. That's Jesse's life. But I really am. He seems more relaxed now, happier."

"He was happy with you too, you know?"

Beca nodded, her eyes still on Jesse and Derek. Then she looked up as if she'd missed something Chloe had said, or maybe she remembered something. In any case, she looked at Chloe like something had just occurred to her.

"What is it?"

But Beca shook the thought away. It hadn't really been a conscious thought, more of a feeling maybe. But it probably wasn't real, and even if it was... But it made Beca sigh again. She frowned.

"You all right?"

But before Beca could answer, Amy joined them by putting both arms around her friends. "Hey, guys," she said, her eyes slightly unfocused, her smile wide.

"Hi, Amy, are you having a good time."

"Yeah, mostly, but it seems everybody's kinda winding down. I was wondering if you guys would like to come with to my new place? It's not far, we can walk, or call a cab. Yeah, let's call a cab," and with that, Amy walked away again in search of a phone.

"Are you game?" Beca asked Chloe.

Chloe shrugged. "Knowing Amy, she had someone stock the new place with everything she needs to party. Might be a little cozier than here, too."

"Well, I guess it's not really up to us anymore anyway," Beca said as she watched Amy wave the Bellas over. She let her hand link with Chloe's as they joined them. Jesse came over, too.

"You guys are on your way out?" he asked.

"Amy wants to show off her new place."

"Am I gonna see you tomorrow?" Jesse asked them both, but it was clear that he mostly meant Beca.

"Of course, no way I miss sending you on your way to California!" Beca hugged Jesse. "It's gonna be aca-awesome!" she said with more enthusiasm than she felt.

He smiled at her.

"We'll all be there to say goodbye," Chloe said, patting Jesse on the shoulder

"As long as it doesn't turn into a big thing."

"Can't promise you that," Beca said mock-serious. "You're gonna be missed."

"I'm gonna miss you too, all of you. The Bellas are a unique experience."

"We sure are," Chloe said with conviction. It made Jesse and Beca laugh and Jesse hugged both women now.

"You guys are awesome."

* * *

"Welcome to my crib!" Amy said, pushing the door to her apartment open like a presenter on a tv show.

It was only the Bellas now, the Trebles had opted to stay home and up all night to give Jesse a proper send-off.

"Wow, this place is great. How did you find it?" Chloe said as they entered.

"It's a funny story, you know," Amy started. Beca who happened to look back at her at that moment caught Flo pushing her elbow in Amy's side. "Ahhh, a good friend lived here before," Amy finished.

"That's not a funny story," Stacie observed.

"Well, you don't know the friend. So, what you all wanto drink?" Amy seemed eager to change the subject.

It turned out the apartment had a hidden, fully stocked bar behind a wall-high bookshelf.

"My friend put this in. Isn't it like the best?" Amy beamed.

It was. The whole apartment was the best money could buy, obviously. The living space they all made themselves comfortable in was furnished with several white leather sofas. White, fleecy rugs covered white tiles where they sat. The shelves, fireplace, sideboards were also white. The few accents came from strategically placed throw pillows, the books on the shelves and a giant-ass flatscreen tv hung over the fireplace.

"Holy, it's like being at the movies," CR observed.

"Yeah, Flo found that beauty online, isn't it something else?"

"Flo?" Beca observed. She may have been a little drunk just like all her friends but she got the distinct impression that something was going on, something Amy didn't wanna tell.

"Ahhh, yeah, Flo... she helped because she wants to be an interior decorator when she grows up."

"I thought you wanted to be an event planner? You only like talked about this for the last three years," Chloe said.

Flo looked at them all as if caught in the headlights. "I...I'm going to be an even planner/interior designer. They still gonna need me when the party's over, yeah?"

"Drinks," Amy repeated and everybody got their favorite poison. "So, Jesse seems happy about the move," she came to say when they all settled down. She was looking at Beca.

"And he should be. I hear he's going to work for this big shot composer?"

"Yeah, Jesse had an internship with him last summer and he asked Jesse to come work for him when he finished college. It's a great opportunity," Beca told them.

"I'd say," Jessica said, putting her glass on the table.

"Please use the coasters," Flo admonished and everybody looked at her. "They're in that thingy on the end table."

"Okay, what is going on, guys?" Beca asked, looking from Flo to Amy and back. "Is this even Amy's place?"

Flo looked at Amy, then back at the group. "Okay, all right. Yes, Amy lives here now, but it's really my place. I bought it."

"You? I thought you were dead poor?" It was Jessica and she uttered the confusion of most of the Bellas.

Only Stacie scoffed. When everybody looked at her, she said: "Amy told me you family was loaded. Like South American drug cartel loaded." And after a beat: "Amy's words, not mine."

"Well, my family's got money, yes, but, for heaven's sake, Amy, not every South American business man is involved in drugs! This is exactly why I'm never telling anyone we're fucking rich!"

"I'm sorry, Flo, it was a while ago when I mentioned it to Stacie. I still thought you were pretending to be poor because your father was a drug lord."

"How long have you known?" Beca asked Amy.

"Oh, come on, like none of you was suspicious about Flo pretending to be dead-ass poor but could afford an American education."

"I could have had a scholarship for gymnastics," Flo defended herself. "Which I would have gotten if my parents weren't rich."

"Yeah, well, I also noticed that your accent got a little thin sometimes. And I don't care how well you are at removing labels from your clothes, most of that shit reeks of money. So, I rummaged through your room sometimes. You were very good that first year, but I finally found some things, receipts from expensive eateries, photos from family vacations on a yacht, a black American Express card-"

"You got a Centurion Card?" Chloe asked wide-eyed.

"It's my dad's, I put it in my pocket by accident that one time. I don't have one of my own."

"Got a Platinum one though," Amy supplied.

"Why did you lie to us?" CR finally asked what must have been on all their minds.

Flo looked down into her lap where she rubbed at an invisible speck on her glass. "I'm sorry, guys, I really am. But everybody always treats you different when you got money. Also, everybody thinks your father is a drug lord when you're from Central America. I had this one friend once who fainted when I asked him if he wanted to meet my father. I'm trying to tell people, but what would you say if your dad was a drug lord? That he's not. Nobody believes that Latin Americans can make actual money without being involved in drugs. Especially since Guatemala is one of the poorest latino countries."

Nobody said anything to contradict her, they all just said awkwardly until Chloe asked:

"So, how long have you been living here?"

"I had this apartment since my first year at Barden. I kept it when I moved in with you guys. And Amy's known for about a year. When she called about a week ago and asked if she could come live here, she didn't know I was back, but I said 'yes,' of course. You're all my sisters and this place has four bedrooms. There's actually an upper floor," she added seeing their disbelieving faces.

"And how long have you really been here, Amy?" Beca now asked.

"Oh, ahhhh, maybe four days?"

"Why didn't you just say?"

Amy shrugged her shoulders. "I was a little down after... that scum-ass Bumper bumped my cousin. I just wanted to be away from Oz and have a little air. But I still wanted to talk to you guys and be close, so I came over. And now, Flo and I are roomies."

The news was surprising, but everybody seemed to agree that they were glad that Amy and Flo were back.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well, it's getting a little angsty. Art imitating life imitating art. Let's have at it**

* * *

Beca exited the bathroom, holding onto the door frame for support. As so often happened, it had surprised her that she was on her way to good and drunk when she'd left the living room. Most of Amy's concoctions hit you like that: they were too sweet to really taste the alcohol and then it was usually too late.

Beca took a deep breath and stood leaning against the wall for a long moment. She could hear the lively chatter from the living room here, but not what was being said. There was a lot of laughter mingling with the chatter, some teasing you could always recognize by the tone. She had to smile – her girls. They were amazing and they were happy and young and Beca was proud of every single one of them.

"Hey, where've you gone off to?"

Beca turned her head to see Chloe standing at the end of the hall. A goofy smile came unbidden to her lips.

"Bathroom," she pointed behind herself.

As Chloe came over it looked to Beca like she was walking in slow motion, her gait kind of seductive, her hips swaying. Beca felt another wave of dizziness that had nothing to do with alcohol. And Chloe was smiling. Ah, that smile and the things it did to Beca.

Chloe leaned next to Beca, the two of them facing each other, standing close.

"We're almost all together tonight." Chloe was whispering as if it was a secret.

"I know. I've forgotten how much fun it could be."

"I know it's stressful at the moment. I... I'm just so... scared, B."

Beca nodded. She knew this, of course, but she'd hoped it had gotten easier after they'd talked about it at Aubrey's horror retreat. It obviously hadn't.

"The Bellas will always be there for you, Chloe. We'll be like those old-timey fraternities, just without the money and the influence and the notion that they can do whatever they want."

A smile rushed Chloe's features, as it seemed despite herself. It was harder for her than Beca had thought and it made her heart heavy.

"I'll always be here for you, Chlo," she promised, taking Chloe's face between her hands. She wasn't sure why she did it, her befuddled brain had thought it was a good idea. But now that she looked at Chloe close up, her hands on her soft cheeks, Chloe looking at her lips. Oh yeah, there was that feeling again, the fluttering in her stomach.

Beca leaned forward and Chloe answered the movement in kind until their lips touched. It was really just a touch, soft, barely able to be felt until Beca pushed just a little more. And then it was all heat and frenzy.

Chloe's lips captured Beca's, her arms circling her waist. She pressed Beca against the wall, their bodies firmly pressed against each other.

There was no thought at that moment – apart from 'Oh God, yes, this is good!' - just the wild dance of lips and tongues and hands.

The need in Beca grew, she just had to have more of Chloe. She had denied herself too long, but with that thought all the reasons for that came back to her. It was too much, all too much. She writhed away from Chloe and saw the immediate result – rejection – on Chloe's beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," Beca croaked, panic making it hard to breathe not to mention speak.

"Are you... okay?"

Beca shook her head. "I can't do this."

"But you were already doing it. And it felt good, didn't it?" Chloe's face was hopeful, loving. She wanted this, Beca could tell. She had known for some time, but she had also resisted and ignored her own desire for her friend. But it had worked through her walls, it had just come out to play and it had had so much fun at it Beca still felt like she could fall forward and into Chloe's arms again.

But there was also another impulse, or more of a safety control. It held her back.

"Beca?" Chloe's voice sounded unnaturally high.

"It did feel good, but I still can't do it again. I'm sorry."

"No, that's not good enough. Tell me why!"

Beca could see the tears forming in Chloe's eyes and it cut her. She knew she was hurting Chloe and it hurt her in return. She just hoped that by resisting her now she would spare both of them even more pain in the future.

"I-"

"There you guys are? What've you been up to, huh?" It was Amy and she threw them a saucy smile, wiggling her eyebrows and then making kissing-noises just in case Chloe and Beca didn't understand her innuendo.

The look of pure hurt on Chloe's face ripped through Beca, but before she could apologize again, Chloe retreated into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

"What did I say?" Amy asked, surprised.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Mmmm-kay. You coming back in?"

Beca shook her head. "No, I'm going home. Long day tomorrow," she said quietly.

Before Amy could answer, Beca slipped out of the apartment, walking quickly down the corridor but then hastening down the stairs. She was full-out running by the time she left the building.

* * *

There was light at the BTM house. Beca was surprised to see this, it being already past 3 a.m. She thought that maybe the party that had simmered down before they had even left had been revived somehow, but when she looked through the backdoor windows, she could only see Benji wondering around, tidying up the mess. That was just so like Benji.

Beca knocked, startling him. He turned, but it seemed he didn't recognize her as he looked around then grabbed a lamp. Beca tried the door and it was unlocked.

"Benji, it's me. I didn't mean to startle you," she said, coming in.

Benji took a deep breath. "Well, I'll be damned! Becs, what're you doing still up?"

"Just... Jesse's gone to bed already?"

"Yeah, a while ago. He wants to get going early, not that that's really an option. We've still got some surprises for him," Benji said, smiling.

Beca nodded. Jesse was leaving, he was really leaving. Like most thoughts she'd had since she left Amy and Flo's it depressed her. Tears were welling up and Beca tried very hard not to let Benji see them. She rubbed her eyes.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Ye..." She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm good. Cool."

"Beca?"

"No, Benji, I... this is... embarrassing, but... do you think, Jesse's alone? I mean... is he?"

"Jesus, Beca, do you have to ask? You know Jesse! He's not... like... that!" Benji seemed almost insulted for his friend.

"Sorry, I... do you think it's okay if I go up there?"

"He's probably fast asleep." He looked at Beca and sighed. Whatever he'd seen in her face at that moment, made him fidget around. "Man! Yeah, I mean, yeah, go up. But be quite, everybody's asleep."

"Thanks, buddy."

"Yeah, yeah."

Beca didn't want to know what Benji was thinking about this. It was clear, it made him uncomfortable. But it wasn't like that. She just needed her friend, she just needed someone who wasn't a Bella, but was still close enough to understand. Or to just be there for her. And she knew she was selfish, but she couldn't really help that right now.

Beca climbed the stairs of the BTM house as quietly as she could manage. There were no noises on the upper landing, nobody seemed to be up anymore. She knew of course where Jesse slept. He'd had his own room since the second year, since they abandoned the old frat house and moved in next door to the Bellas.

She wondered if she should knock, but then opted against it. Maybe she wouldn't wake Jesse, maybe she would just stay for a minute, maybe she would come to her senses and realize this was the creepiest shit she'd ever done and go home.

Home. It didn't really feel like home at this moment. It was the house they were leaving in, the house where in a few months new recruits would move in, taking over. She'd promised Emily she would stay in touch, help with the musical arrangements for the group. But she couldn't live there anymore, none of them could. It would never be home again.

Beca stood in Jesse's room, fighting tears. Thinking of the Bellas made her think of Chloe and the look on her face when Beca pulled away from her. She'd fucked up – again. Everything she touched...

"Jesse," she said very quietly. He didn't hear her of course, but she felt an absolute need of him right now. A need of a tight embrace, a hand rubbing her back, a genuinely concerned face and a shoulder to cry on.

Beca slipped out of her sneakers and pants. She slipped into bed next to Jesse and of course he woke.

"What the... Who?!" He was about to turn on the light.

"It's me Jesse, please, don't." She held his arm and he let it sink again. He looked at her in confusion, she could see it as her eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

"Beca, what are you doing here?"

"I... could you just... I fucked up! Please!" And now the tears flowed, in the darkness where only her best friend could see them. Best male friend, her brain reminded her.

And he still was her best friend as he proved by putting his arms around her, by patting her back, whispering soothing words.

Beca let the pain rip into her, grab and shake her. It tore at her, but there were strong arms holding her and she felt secure. She knew she couldn't help what she'd done, but she still had this safe haven – at least for one more night.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This is a little more angsty than I had planned, but these things are never easy, I guess. Hope you enjoy. tho.**

* * *

Beca sat up in bed as if an electric current had gone through her, but it was only the alarm. By instinct she turned right to turn it off, but her hand hit a wall.

"What..?"

She was definitely not in her own bed. Memories rushed back to her and for a split second she thought that the kiss between her and Chloe had turned into them spending the night – there was joy and panic at that moment – but then she remembered the rest and another kind of panic hit her. Had she slept with Jesse? But no, Jesse was gay, Jesse was her friend, and he had held her until they'd both fallen asleep.

Taking a deep calming breath, Beca leaned over Jesse and turned off the alarm. Her head swam from the onslaught of emotions she'd just lived through and she leaned forward onto her knees. Her head ached from the alcohol and shaking her head didn't make that any better. But the real pain was lodged in her chest, something she'd never felt before, something she'd always steered clear of.

"Oh God!" Beca put her arms around her knees and her head fell onto them, sobs wrecking her body.

"What?! Beca? What?!" Jesse sat up, Beca could feel the mattress move. It took him a moment to work through his confusion, he'd probably felt a moment's panic too on finding her in his bed – crying – but then he put his arms around her.

They hadn't talked last night, Beca'd been too exhausted, they'd both been a little too drunk. But Beca already knew that Jesse wouldn't leave before he knew what had happened. She already felt the dread of that conversation, mixed with guilt and shame. How could she have kissed Chloe? Really, had she completely lost her mind?

Beca rubbed at her eyes, eager to stop the crying now. She wasn't that person. She didn't feel that way for Chloe. It was just because of the end of college, of things changing. She had simply wanted to hold on. Beca shook her head again, she knew she was lying to herself. She'd been doing that for some time now.

A desperate sigh worked itself from her aching chest over her lips.

"Hey, there. Still not better? What happened last night?" Jesse asked, pushing her hair behind her ear so he could see her face.

She turned her head to him. Seeing him looking at her like this certainly brought back memories. He'd always been caring, worrying about her. He'd always been too good for her.

"I did something really bad," she said.

"Something illegal?" he wondered aloud, but obviously not quite serious.

Beca gave him a tiny smile for effort. "I wish. No, I..." Could she say it? She thought back to that moment when she'd taken Chloe's face into her hands, the one and only thought she'd had after, the need to kiss her best friend.

Beca rubbed her face with both hands. "I kissed Chloe," was what she mumbled, but there was no way Jesse could understand.

"What was that?"

Beca cleared her throat. "I kissed Chloe. She kissed me. We kissed each other."

Jesse's hand stilled on her back, Beca could practically feel how his posture stiffened. She looked at him. His face seemed neutral, but neutral was just another way of saying that she couldn't see his emotions. Whatever he felt about this, he didn't let her see.

"And how do you feel about that?" Jesse asked slowly.

"Did you just quote _Freaky Friday_ at me? We watched that movie last week, Jesse!"

He took a deep breath. "Sorry, I... considering that you came to me in the middle of the night, crying your eyes out, I guess something went wrong?"

"Something?! I kissed her, Jesse! There you go with wrong. She's my best friend, she's Chloe. I mean, I know... no, I just... this is all wrong!"

"Why? Because it's gay?"

"Yes! No!" Beca shook her head, then hid behind her hands again.

She felt Jesse move and a moment later she was alone in his bed. She could hear him pacing.

"Now, this is priceless! Here I thought you didn't have a problem with me being gay, or CR being gay. I thought you accepted us, but it's just okay when it's the others? Not you! Because you can't be gay! Impossible!"

"Could you not?! This is not about that! It's... I don't... I can't!" Beca uttered a frustrated groan.

"Why not? I mean, seriously, Beca? You and Chloe... sorry, to say this, but... you two have that kind of chemistry. Hell, it made me jealous in the beginning." He sat back down on the bed, putting his hand on her back again.

"We're friends."

"Oh, please! Seriously, Becs, are you trying to tell me that you feel the same way about Amy or CR that you feel about Chloe?"

Beca looked at him, trying to think, but feeling instead how utterly wrong that was. It was true, Chloe was different, always had been. From that first moment she'd looked into those incredibly blue eyes to when she'd been pressed against her last night, feeling... just everything. She shook her head.

"I know this is hard, Beca. It took me forever to figure out what I wanted, where I stood. And it's not to say that I didn't love you. I do love you, but I guess I was never really in love with you, not in the way that we should have been. I just felt incredibly close to you."

"I love you too, Jesse," was all Beca answered. Her mind was reeling. It was trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, how to not feel for Chloe what she obviously felt, how to explain and negotiate not just with Chloe, but with herself. She wished she could just run away, but she'd missed that chance in their first year. She could have just walked away from all this back then, but she'd come back – to Jesse and the Bellas, to Chloe.

"But it's okay, Beca. It's okay to feel that way for Chloe. I mean, do you know how lucky you are that Chloe feels the same way for you?"

"How do you know?"

"Everybody knows."

Beca looked at him, frowning. "What do you mean, everybody knows? Nobody knows!"

"Okay, nobody but me knows, but they all suspect. Come on, Becs, Chloe and you... it's... it's like a cheesy Nicholas Sparks adaptation. You're that obviously into each other."

"Could you stop with the movie references I don't understand! This is not a movie, this is my life. And I'm the one who's in control, okay? Not some lame movie trope and not Chloe! It's not gonna happen. Chloe and I will always be friends, but nothing more!" Beca pushed the blanket from her legs and crawled out of bed. She picked up her jeans from the floor and started dressing.

Jesse was watching her and she could see he was going to argue, but there was just a short knock at the door at that moment, then it opened. Derek's smiling face appeared around it.

"Morning, sunsh... shit!" He'd notitced Beca putting her pants on and his face fell. "Sorry," he said and pulled the door closed again.

"Fuck!" Jesse exclaimed, jumping from the bed and rushing after his friend.

Beca rolled her eyes. "Great!" she exclaimed, slipping into her sneakers. "More drama!" She followed the boys, just in case Jesse needed her to back him up.

* * *

Beca took the way through the hedge to return to the Bellas House. It wasn't just quicker, she was also hoping that nobody would see her. In a strange way, it felt like a walk of shame, even though she hadn't done anything with Jesse that warranted the feeling.

Still, Beca was extra quiet opening the back door and entering the house. It was early, she didn't really expect anyone to be up after the party last night, if they were back already. Maybe they had stayed over at Amy and Flo's.

When she was almost at the stairs, she heard a voice from the living room, though:

"Beca, that you?" It was Chloe.

Beca closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to let the guilt and shame take over. Trying hard to stay collected.

"Yeah." It was nothing more than a whisper and Beca rolled her eyes at herself. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, it's me."

"Are you all right?" Chloe appeared in the hall in her jammies which were somehow too short and too revealing for Beca. Why hadn't Chloe dressed if she was up anyway? Did she have to, like, flaunt her admittedly perfect body in front of... everybody?

"Yeah, I'm good." She was aware that she didn't sound good. She also didn't feel good. She felt lousy. Why was this so hard? They shouldn't have kissed. Things would be good and normal if they hadn't. It was all a mistake. And now she could barely look at Chloe. Instead she looked up the stairs, eager to escape this awkward conversation.

"Where were you?" Chloe asked.

"Ah, I was..." Beca made a vague gesture in the direction of the BTM House, but didn't elaborate.

"You were with Jesse." It wasn't a question, it sounded actually more like an accusation.

"I wasn't with Jesse. I was... at Jesse's."

"At Jesse's? At Jesse's room? At Jesse's bed?" Again with the accusations.

"Oh, give me a break. Jesse's gay, okay? I thought he'd told you."

"He has, but... Jesse was your boyfriend just a couple of days ago. I mean, who knows whether he's gay or bi or whatever. He could never resist you!"

Beca took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself, because she was feeling entirely too defensive. There was also this tiny fiery ball inside her stomach which seemed to get bigger and hotter. "Believe me, he's resisted me just fine these last few months, okay? I didn't have sex with Jesse, not that that's any of your business."

"Oh, that's right, because there's nothing going on between us, right?" Chloe's blue eyes were blazing, her hands were balled into fists. She was looking at Beca in challenge to deny what had been so obvious her ex had been jealous over it. But dammit, what was it really? They'd kissed, yeah, Chloe had told her that she'd have liked to 'experiment' with her. But what did that even mean?

"Chloe, I really... you know, I love you... as a friend and Bella. You're my best friend. But..."

"But?" And as angry as Chloe had been just a moment ago, now she simply looked like a little girls in her jammies who was going to get hurt. And Beca was doing the hurting.

Beca swallowed hard. "We're not a couple, not together. I... I can't do this, Chlo. I don't know what you want from me."

Tears started streaming down Chloe's face and she brushed at them. "Nothing," she croaked. "I want nothing from you."

She walked by Beca and ran up the stairs.

Beca closed her eyes and shook her head. As Chloe closed the door to her room, Beca made her way to the living room where it looked like Chloe had spent the night. She must have been waiting for her.

"Damn," Beca said as she sunk onto the sofa. "She was probably worried sick."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Time for a little mush. Hope you guys are still with me and thanks for all the sweet reviews. Pitch Perfect fandom still going strong.**

* * *

Beca sat on her bed, her headphones over her ears. She'd come up to her room to be alone, to think, to maybe catch some sleep. Only, being alone made her feel lonely just now, thinking seemed impossible with all that had happened, and sleep, yeah, that's wasn't going to happen with all the wild thoughts running through her mind. Music was once again a haven, despite the fact that most of those songs reminded her of Chloe in some way or other.

Beca sighed, then looked up as she saw somebody coming up the stairs to her room. It was Emily and she waved.

Beca pulled one headphone from her ear. "What's up?"

"Benji was just here, Jesse's leaving. You coming?"

Beca took a deep breath but remained seated.

Emily who'd been about to turn and walk back down, stopped. "Don't you wanna say bye to him?"

"I don't know if he wants me to. We had a sort of misunderstanding this morning... with Derek."

"Because you spent the night?" Emily guessed.

"Jesus, does everybody know?"

Emily came up the remaining steps but hesitated coming closer. She finally opted to sit on the other bed, the one Amy had slept in not long ago. "I just told Chloe, because I thought she'd worry if you were not home, you know?"

"How did you know?"

"Benji called me last night. He was worried, because..." Emily took a deep breath. "He said you'd been crying."

Beca pulled her earphones from her ears and pushed them onto the bed. "Great!"

"I'm sorry, Beca, I didn't know what else to do. Chloe... she was worried. I had to tell her. And Benji only wanted to help."

"I wish everybody would just mind their own business!" Beca crossed her arms in front of her chest, leaning back into her cushions.

Emily pushed herself off the bed. "Sorry," she said awkwardly and was about to leave.

This wasn't okay, Beca knew it. She rolled her eyes at herself. "Emily, wait. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "Sometimes it's hard when everybody knows your business. I didn't mean to be a bitch about it."

"It's okay. And I should probably tell you... I saw you and Chloe kiss last night. Not that I was spying or anything," she quickly added. "I was in the kitchen getting a coke and I saw you when I was about to go back to the living room."

Beca put her hands over her face, rubbing it. "Of course you did. Did you tell anyone?"

"Just Chloe, because... well, I didn't want her to think I was just snooping into your businesses. I thought full disclosure was best in that situation."

"What did she say?" Beca asked curiously.

"She didn't say much, just that I shouldn't worry about it."

Beca nodded. "Yeah, you shouldn't. I mean, it's not like Chloe and I are... anything really. I mean, we're friends, of course. Friends." It was strange how that word which had come to mean so much to Beca in the last three years, could somehow hurt. Strange and unfair.

"You know what's funny?" Emily said with a big smile. Seeing that Beca didn't seem in a guessing mood she backpedaled. "Well, not funny 'haha.' More like funny 'strange,' but I thought that you and Chloe were actually a couple when I came to the group."

"How did you figure that?"

Emily sat back down on the bed. "Just, you know, when we went over that first night to the Treble House, Chloe and Jesse had this talk like: Where's Beca, I thought she was with you. I thought she was with you." She tried to imitate the voices of Chloe and Jesse and, in truth, wasn't doing such a bad job. "And I figured there was something... going on. And then, the way you were at the party when Chloe jumped into the pool, 'bout how you took care of her. You are totes cute together."

Beca sighed. She felt a headache coming on and messaged her forehead. "We're not together."

"Yeah, I've figured that out since. I mean, Jessica told me."

Beca nodded. She really wished this conversation was over but she didn't want to just tell Emily to go. She wasn't that person anymore, the one who always pushed people away. Emily was a nice girl, very talented too. She was basically her sister. But she felt that a change in topic was in order. "How's it going with you and Benji?"

"Ah, you know." Emily made a weighing gesture with her hands. "We've become really good friends since Copenhagen. I love to hang with him but... I don't know, I feel it's a little early for me to go steady with someone. It's only been my first year, I want to live a little."

"Did you tell him, though?"

Emily nodded. "I sure did. He wasn't too happy, but we're cool now. He's gonna stay for his Master's and we gonna see a lot of each other."

Beca nodded. "Just don't break his heart."

Emily laughed awkwardly. "Fat chance of that happening. I mean, Benji's older. He'll probably find another girl soon."

"Benji is not that kind of guy."

"I think you underestimate his appeal. There's plenty of girls who like him, you know. I've seen them looking." And strangely, Emily seemed okay with it. Beca felt out of her depth with this relationship, they seemed so adult about it. She herself struggled with the most rudimentary friendships, even acquaintances, but Emily seemed very sure of what she did and didn't want.

"That doesn't mean he's looking back," Beca argued.

"He should be. We should both make some experiences before we... I don't know. It's not like we set a date, or something. I'm babbling, but I'm not sure what I want, really. It seems easier to just be friends."

Beca huffed. "Yeah, it does."

"Speaking of, I really want to say bye to Jesse. You sure, you don't wanna come?"

Another sigh from Beca. She knew she couldn't just let Jesse go without saying goodbye, that would be awful. "No, you're right. Let's go say bye to the dude."

Emily smiled and waited for Beca to clamber out of bed. They went downstairs together.

* * *

CR joined them as they left the house. The sidewalk in front of the Treble house was packed with people, acas and other students alike; Jesse was a well-liked guy, but the number of people seemed excessive. The Tone Hangers were just getting into their rendition of 'So Long Dearie' from _Hello, Dolly_. Surprisingly, Bumper was with them.

And Amy didn't look amused about that fact as they joined her. "There you are. Look at the cheat, channeling Barbra Streisand. Seems, Jesse isn't the only one turning out that way. This whole aca-business should come with a warning label: Gayness will ensue!"

There was a witty comment on Beca's mind, but remembering what had happened the night before she felt she shouldn't be the one making it.

"Bumper's not gay, he's just a drama queen, is all," CR said, leaning on Amy's shoulder.

As the Tone Hangers finished the song, many people were laughing and Jesse could barely hold it in as he approached Bumper. "That was... something else, man. Maybe you should leave Barbra to the Bellas?"

Bumper shook his head. "Everybody's a gay critic."

Now Jesse laughed and with a little twinkle in his eye, he took Bumper's face in his hands and delivered a kiss on the lips.

Bumper did what sober straight men did all over the globe in this situation, he fought his friend off, making a big deal of wiping his mouth.

"Oh, you'll be fine," Jesse told him good-naturedly and then hugged him.

"All right, our turn," Amy told the Bellas and made her way through the crowd. "Bellas coming through, step aside. Hey, Jazz, you ready for some Bellas love, 'cause we'll miss you." And then she hugged him. The other Bellas took their turns with Stacie pinching first his face then his behind, and CR giving him an awkward shoulder bump. Jessica was in tears.

Chloe and Beca had both held back, but now Chloe stepped forward and hugged Jesse. "Drive safely, okay? And call when you arrive or need anything or just to say hi," she told him.

Beca was confused by all this care – for the boy she supposedly had sex with last night. Did Chloe just not care or had she forgiven them? Maybe she'd simply believed her? Beca smiled. Seeing Jesse and Chloe really get on and not just being polite or friendly was great – it just took them too long to get there. Now they were all on their ways to make their own lives, no more aca-awesome times with the Trebles and Bellas – at least not for them.

Beca stepped forward when Chloe let go of Jesse.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey, Becs. I was afraid you weren't coming."

She was surprised he'd even noticed that she'd been late. "Couldn't let you go with a last hug and reminding you to call or skype or whatever you young people do nowadays." She grinned.

Jesse enveloped her in a bear hug and some people actually 'awww'-ed at them. It wasn't surprising, they'd been the poster aca-couple on campus for two years.

"I'll miss you, dude."

"Same, gorgeous."

They let go of each other and Beca just caught a nasty look Derek threw her. She rolled her eyes. If the guy didn't know by now that Jesse was more into him than her, she really couldn't help him.

Jesse turned to the Trebles and hugged them one by one until only Benji and Derek stood awkwardly side by side.

Jesse smiled as he took Derek's face in his hand and this time delivered a real kiss on him. Another round of 'awww's was heard, possibly loudest from the Harmonics. Derek grinned stupidly when the kiss ended and Jesse and he hugged.

"I'll see you in Cali," Jesse told him and then turned to Benji. "You'll come visit, right?"

"Try and stop me," Benji gave back and they also hugged.

Benji was the last to say goodbye, before the Trebles cued into a mash-up of 'Time to say Goodbye' and 'I'll be missing you.' Soon, all acas were singing and Jesse wiped a tear from his eye. He gave a last wave, before he went around the driver's side of his car, got in and left.

It was anti-climactic how he just drove away, but at the end of the road he turned and came back. He honked three times as he drove by, everybody still singing and waving at him. And then he was really gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This took a little longer but it's longer, too. Things gotta get moving. Hope you like.**

* * *

The Bellas assembled around the kitchen isle after returning to the house.

"It's good that we're all here. I think it's time we talked about a schedule," Beca said while the others seemed okay with just moping because another one of theirs (even if it was a Treble) had left.

"Not now, Becs," Chloe said. She opened the fridge and pulled out some ice cream while Stacie opened a drawer and got spoons.

"Yes, right now. We gotta move on from here, girls. We've graduated. Soon, administration will throw us out."

The other Bellas didn't look at Beca as each and every one scooped up a spoon of ice cream and started stuffing their face.

Beca gave a growl. She'd had enough of this stalling business.

"CR? You still leaving tomorrow?"

CR gave Beca a dark stare but nodded.

"Good. So, Stacie, any luck finding an apartment yet?"

Stacie sighed. "Actually, yeah."

Everybody looked at her surprised but not in a good way.

"And?" Beca demanded.

"And I'm moving in on the first."

"That's Thursday, right?" Beca consulted her phone and nodded to herself. She started typing in the names of her friends who were going to leave. Inside her, it felt like a very heavy, fuzzy curtain was lifting from her life but she suppressed a smile. "Jessica?"

She looked up and saw that the blonde had tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure if they were still there from the earlier goodbye to Jesse or if that had actually been her doing. The curtain came crashing back down on her.

"I'm..." She was about to apologize, but Jessica talked at the same time.

"I talked to my parents yesterday. I'll move in with them temporarily. Just until I find a position, possibly in the small town I come from. I'll run into one of my exes at the grocer's, we'll go out and marry and I'll have three kids. Is that what you wanted to hear?" She was full-out crying once again. Chloe lay an arm around her. She picked up Jessica's spoon and put some ice cream on it, then gave it back to her friend.

"Listen, guys..." Beca started but it was as far as she came.

"No, Becs, you listen. It's enough. Can't you see how hard this is without you being a total pain?"

"I'm not trying to be a pain, Chloe, I just want for all of us to start our lives."

"Without each other?"

"I didn't say that!" Beca yelled at Chloe. "Do you think I wanna lose you... all? Then think again. This hurts me as much as any of you, but..." Beca turned and pointed out the window. "Life, Chloe, it happens out there. There's jobs and opportunities out there. I want that for all of us."

"Opportunities to fall in love?" Chloe asked.

Beca let her head hang. "Yes, that too."

A wall of silence hit Beca in the back. She didn't dare turn and look at Chloe in that moment. It took a short while then she heard a spoon being slapped down on the counter and footsteps leaving the kitchen. It was Chloe, of course.

When Beca turned around, she looked into sets of wide eyes.

"Don't you think you should talk to her?" Flo asked.

"And say what?"

"Gee, I don't know, Becs. That you want her with you in Atlanta? That you're crazy about her? And that you want to make little aca-Chloes with her? Maybe you should start with that right now," Amy suggested.

Beca glared at her. "I'm not gonna discuss this with you," she said, her voice cold.

"Fine, stay in the closet. I'm outta here," Amy said, throwing her own spoon into the sink where it clanked against the walls.

* * *

Beca knocked on the door frame to CR's room as the door stood open.

"Hey, can I come in? Or am I persona non grata?"

CR looked up from where she folded laundry into a bag. "You can come in if you cut that martyr crap," she told her friend.

Beca rolled her eyes. "Sorry."

She walked into the room and noticed the stacked boxes in one corner. "You're all packed," she said.

"Well, I'm leaving tomorrow. Of course, I packed."

Beca nodded.

"What's up, little one? You want me to stay now?"

"No, I... I just wanna apologize for before. I didn't want it to sound like I can't wait to get rid of you all just so that I can start my life." She hesitated. "I love you all."

"We love you too, Becs, but... well..." CR stood, pushing her hands onto her hips.

"What?"

"You and Chloe," CR simply said.

Beca sighed in annoyance.

"I know you don't wanna talk about this, but... what's the big deal here, squirt? She's into you, you're into her. Now, after three years you still haven't done squat about it and time is running out. You need to get on that."

"Why does everybody think that... we like each other that way?"

"Because it's obvious, Becs."

Beca shook her head. "There's no way."

CR rolled her eyes. "Fine, have it your way, but don't be surprised if Chloe doesn't act the way you want her to. She's not just gonna lie down and roll over for you, meaning that she won't just be your friend if she wants more. You might lose her, you know?"

A heavy weight seemed to land on Beca's chest. She looked at CR, her only thought being: how can you even say that? The thought of losing Chloe... Beca rubbed at her eyes which stung with tears.

"Hey," CR patted her shoulder but then went in for the hug.

Beca found herself clinging to her friend whom she probably wouldn't get to see for a while. And now the tears came.

"It's okay, little one," CR told her.

But how could it be? It felt like everything was falling apart and it wasn't supposed to be this way. She'd never thought she would make friends in college, hell, she'd never even thought she would get a degree. But college had given her more than that. It had given her the opportunity to patch her relationship with her father, she'd had her first real boyfriend who turned out to be more like a best friend, she'd formed friendships with the Bellas... she'd never had friends like these before. Friends she actually liked and wanted to stay in touch with, or maybe see every day. And then there was Chloe...

But Chloe... there were no words to describe their relationship. It broke the barriers of friendship when Beca wasn't even sure she knew how to be a friend. Chloe just went beyond, always stood a little closer, always hugged a little harder. And it had felt too good to resist, even though Beca had thought that she was resisting.

Beca sighed and let go of CR.

"You're gonna be all right?" Cynthia Rose asked.

"Yeah, sure. When're you leaving tomorrow?"

"Amy will drive me over to get my U-Haul at 7. Then we load up and I hope I'll be on the road by 9."

"You actually think the girls're gonna let you just leave?" Beca asked with a small smile.

"I asked them not to make a big deal out of it. I kinda had my party with Jesse, said goodbye to all the acas. I'm not good at being emotional."

"Who is?"

They smiled at each other.

"Well, we'll be seeing each other in Maine pretty soon... for the wedding, so..."

Beca nodded, only now remembering. "Is Stacie coming too?" she asked carefully.

"If she can make it work with her studies, yeah."

"Does your fiancée know... about you guys?"

"You nuts?" CR asked. "Well, she knows that there's someone among the Bellas who I might have had a little crush on"

Beca nodded. "I'm happy that you... kinda moved on from there, you know? I mean, you found yourself a love."

"I did. Casey's amazing, dry sense of humor, sweet but also whip sharp. She's gonna keep me on my toes." CR smiled and Beca could see how happy she was.

It was a surprise. Even though everybody pretty much knew that Stacie and CR weren't going to happen, none of the Bellas could resist rooting for them. They had all thought that graduating and leaving would break CR's heart. But that wasn't what Beca saw in her friend now. She was genuinely in love with Casey, happy to get married. It gave Beca hope.

She hugged CR again. "We all help tomorrow and have you on your way no later than noon, I promise," she told her.

CR laughed. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

* * *

It was late when the house phone rang. Chloe looked up from her place on the couch, surprised. Since graduation, the only person who'd called on the house phone had been Amy. But since Amy was now officially back in the States, Chloe was at a loss who was calling – and this late.

She went over to the station, looking at caller ID. The number seemed familiar, but Chloe wasn't sure until she answered the call.

"Barden Bellas, Chloe speaking."

"Just the person I wanted to talk to," Aubrey's enthusiastic voice came over the line.

Chloe had to smile.

"Brey, hey, how are you?"

"I'm over the moon, actually. But how're you? Amy called me."

 _Of course._ Chloe sighed. "Everybody's leaving," was what she said as she returned to the couch.

"So I hear. And you?"

"I'm not sure, Brey. It's all... Beca and I kissed," she then revealed.

She heard Aubrey take a deep breath which turned into a sigh.

"I know what you're thinking, Brey, but... it's, you know, Jesse's left and he's gay. And Beca..."

"She's giving you the cold shoulder."

"Not really, I... I'm not making it easy for her, you know?"

"Don't you dare blame yourself, Chloe. Beca's been playing this come here – go away-game with you since the first year. It's time..."

"It's time for me to leave," Chloe said in a small voice.

Silence answered her.

"I'm going to and probably sooner than anyone thought. It's just, it hurts, Brey. I mean, leaving the Bellas or losing them... that's one thing. But... losing Beca... God." Tears were starting to form in her eyes and before she could even try holding them back, they were spilling onto her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Chlo."

"I know. I mean... it's all fucking messed up. And I did most of that. I never should have told Beca that I was into her. It ruined everything."

"Come now, Chlo, you were taking a chance and by everything you two've gone through and... well, the way you guys looked at each other, Beca should have been happy about it. I just don't understand her! She's so into you and at the same time completely oblivious."

"I don't think she's oblivious. There's something else," Chloe said.

"You always thought there was more to her. You were right about the music but maybe I'm right about her now. She obviously doesn't deserve you if she's too chicken to come out, or whatever her problem is this time."

Chloe sighed. She wasn't going to change Aubrey's mind about this and she knew it. "I just wish...," she started, but knew that wishing wouldn't make it so. If it was, Beca and she would be married by now. "I can't keep wishing. I need to get on with my own life."

"Yeah, you do. And you gonna kick ass. I know you."

Chloe gave a short laugh. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Say, Aubrey?"

"Hm?"

"You said you were over the moon earlier? Does that mean what I think it does?"

Aubrey laughed, it sounded so happy that Chloe had no doubt that love had finally found her friend.

"Possibly, but maybe not... quite as you would imagine it. Maybe."

"Stop being cryptic. Who is he? Or she?"

Another laugh. "Her name is Terri, she's 34 years old and like me she's...," a deep breath. "A romantic asexual."

Chloe's mouth fell open but no sound came out.

"Are you quite shocked?" Aubrey asked quietly.

"No, I mean, yeah, I mean... wow!" Chloe was flustered. "I'm so proud of you, Brey, or maybe proud isn't the right word. I'm happy for you. I mean, I know this was bothering you, even though you never said anything to me."

"It did bother me. I mean, all that puking did have a trigger, or more than one. I just... I saw a therapist but she never got to the bottom of this. The retreat helped me relax, getting to know myself. And last year, Terri started working here and we started talking. She's great. You're gonna meet her at CR's wedding."

Chloe laughed. "That's awesome, Brey. I'm really happy for you."

"I know you are. I'm also happy for you, that you decided to move on. I know it's hard, but you'll be all right."

"Well, at least one of us thinks that."

"Promise me, you'll take good care of yourself. Don't let Beca's insecurities get the better of you."

Chloe looked at the notes she'd made earlier, her phone. She'd sat down with the intention to clear up her mess and she'd done a good job of it. She found a new mission in life. But while that was great and she was excited, it had also torn a hole into her – a Beca-shaped hole – and it might yet pull her back into the paralysis that had plagued her these last few months.

"I can't promise anything, Brey."

"Be brave, Chloe."

"I'll try. I'm really looking forward to seeing you at the wedding. You and Terri, of course."

"Same here. I'm looking forward to seeing most of you," Brey answered.

"Don't give Beca a hard, okay? It isn't easy for her, either."

"Whatever. You know, I gotta go. Have to do my round around the retreat, see if anyone's been caught in a bear trap."

Chloe had to laugh, remembering. "You really need to start building fences if you wanna keep out the bears."

"I don't believe in fences. They not only keep the bears out, they also limit our view. I wanna see the world I live in, Chloe."

"All right, then I'll leave you to it. I don't wanna be responsible for those unsuspecting tourists getting caught in your bear traps. We'll talk soon, right?"

"That we will, Bye, Chlo. Say hi to the others from me."

"Will do. Bye, Brey."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Took a while but I hope I'm back on track now to update regularly. Sorry, but this is angsty.  
**

* * *

On Monday, Cynthia Rose packed the rented U-Haul and left for Maine.

Beca had thought that it would be a bigger fuss but the most heartfelt goodbye was between CR and Stacie. All of the Bellas looked awkwardly away when Stacie pressed her lips to CR's and then hugged her tightly.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you too, Stace."

"Good, now get your ass to Maine and marry that wonderchick of yours. I hear she's a catch."

"You heard that from me," CR said, her eyes closed tightly.

"That's right."

And then Stacie let go of CR and went inside. She didn't stay to watch her leave, she would always be the one to leave not the leavee.

Beca tried to talk to her after CR had said her goodbyes and left but Stacie's door had been locked and she didn't open at Beca's knocking. Beca wasn't sure how to interpret this, but she knew that Stacie would be the next one to move out of the house. It felt strange, how Stacie and CR had clung to that limbo that had become the Bellas house, but once one of them left, the other couldn't stay. Maybe they had been closer than anyone had known.

But maybe the same could be said about many of them. Jessica had started crying when Ashley left and had yet to stop. While Chloe seemed the most stubborn to break up the Bellas, Jessica took it all to heart. But even she had made arrangements to leave and just a couple of days after Stacie.

This would mean that Beca and Chloe would be the last ones and Beca wondered how long it would take her to talk Chloe into leaving. Would she herself even be able to leave once everyone but Emily was gone? And how hard would Chloe make it for her?

Beca didn't like thinking about this but Chloe was the one person who could make life a mess for Beca. She had this irresistible power and Beca was afraid of what would happen if Chloe used it, really used it. Yes, she could be able to make Beca happy but Beca was afraid of the cost of that happiness. She was convinced that the price would be too high. The worst part for Beca was that she couldn't tell her best friend, that she couldn't openly talk about this, because Chloe was the one she wanted, but she was also the one she needed to stay away from.

* * *

The days went on by, the Bellas house was eerily quiet. Nobody fought, nobody laughed. Chloe spent a lot of time with Jessica, Stacie was keeping to her room, probably packing, Beca tried to work a little, though inspiration was hard to come by. Emily tried to be cheerful and a friend to everybody but the others's somber mood affected her as well. And then it was Thursday, the day they were all going to help Stacie move into her new apartment.

Beca was awake early and in the kitchen when Stacie, Jessica and Emily came downstairs.

"All packed?" she asked Stacie.

"Yeah, all packed and ready to move. Benji should be here with his friend's pick up any minute."

"Where's Chloe?" Beca asked.

"She's not feeling well," Jessica said.

"What's wrong?"

"I think it's a migraine. She still had the curtains closed and I think she puked earlier."

Beca looked up the stairs, fighting the urge to go and take care of Chloe. "Maybe I should stay here with her," she contemplated.

"She said she was going back to sleep. She'll probably be out for awhile," Jessica said. "She took some pain killers."

Beca took a deep breath. "All right. Let's eat breakfast. It's gonna be a long day."

They did that. A couple of minutes later, a car honked in front of the house. It was Benji with his friend's pick up. And a short while later, Amy and Flo arrived with their car to help move Stacie out.

* * *

Beca found that the bodily work, carrying boxes to the cars and then carrying it into Stacie's new apartment, helped lift some of the guilt off her shoulders. Stacie's place was roomy and their friend wore a big smile when she showed them around. She seemed more cheerful than Beca had thought she would be. She seemed eager to continue her studies.

When all the boxes were at the new place, they lounged on the new furniture which had been delivered earlier that week.

"Okay, I think I'll have to move in here now, because I can't move. Seriously what was in those boxes, bricks?" Amy said as she collapsed on the couch.

"Exactly. I'm planning to build a pool in the backyard and I thought this was a good way to get everything I need." Stacie grinned.

"You're lucky you're hot. You couldn't get by on your humor if your life depended on it."

"Books, Amy. I've got a lot of books in my boxes."

Amy groaned. "Didn't you say something about dinner when you asked us to help. I could do with some energy."

"Sure, pizza all right?"

They all nodded their consent and Stacie pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Could we maybe do dinner back at the house? I'm a little worried about Chloe. I haven't heard from her all day and Jessica said she had a migraine." Beca looked at Stacie but a strange vibe made her look around at all her friends. Nobody was looking at her. "Did she text you, or something?"

"Or something," Amy mumbled.

"What's going on? Is something wrong with Chloe? Is she really sick, or something?" Beca felt panicky and was about to jump from the couch, when Amy patted her arm.

"She's not sick," Jessica said in a small voice.

"What then? Tell me!"

Beca watched Amy look around the room then sit up to turn to Beca. She took both of Beca's hands in hers. "You know, little one, this is all really messed up. You know I don't like to lie, I'm as honest as ever a Tasmanian created, but... Chloe asked us not to say anything and after the way you treated her-"

"Treated her? I didn't treat her... in any way."

"Well, maybe if you had treated her, it wouldn't be such a mess," Flo said.

"I told you guys, I'm not gonna talk to you about this. It's between me and Chloe."

"Actually, it's between you and yourself, because Chloe is gone."

"What?" Amy's words didn't make any sense. Chloe gone? Gone where? How? But from the look on her friends's faces she saw that it was true, even if it didn't make any sense. A slow acid burn spread through Beca. Something wasn't right at all. She stood and looked down at her friends. "What does that mean?" she asked very quietly.

"Chloe had been packing her things all week and she left today while we helped Stacie," Jessica said.

"But... she had a migraine."

Jessica shook her head. "That was just an excuse."

"You lied to me. All of you. You lied and Chloe... she lied to me too."

Nobody said anything.

"I'm sorry, Becs, but... Chloe asked us to. She didn't know how else to do this."

Stacie's words hardly registered. Beca started walking to the door. "Maybe she's still there," she said more to herself than anyone else. She opened the door.

"Beca, wait."

The other Bellas all followed but Beca ignored them. She had to get to the house, she had to stop Chloe from leaving her.

* * *

When Beca entered the house it was quiet. She gave a fearful look back at the Amy who had finally talked her into letting her drive her over and whom she had ignored for the duration of the drive. She could see the second car pull up in front and straightened her back. She couldn't show how afraid she was. Instead, she walked briskly inside.

"Chlo?" Beca tried to call out but her voice was merely a whisper. She felt Amy's hand touching her back but shrugged it off. Another wave of panic hit her gut. She already knew Chloe was gone but needed to confirm it.

Beca jogged up the stairs, eager now to know. The door to Chloe's room stood open and as Beca walked tentatively toward it, she could see that it was empty and darkening in the twilight. She walked inside and closed the door behind her, lest her friends thought it wise to follow her.

"Chloe." It wasn't a question anymore, it wasn't a fearful request to hear her voice again either. She just needed to say her name as tears welled up in her eyes. Beca looked around the room, seemingly still seeing where all of Chloe's belonging had stood while they had talked and laughed for hours, listened to music, sung to and with each other. It was all gone now, only the shadow of a memory remained.

That and... Beca walked toward the window sill where a small pink bear sat. It held a letter between its paws that said 'Beca' in Chloe's playful curvy handwriting. Beca picked it up together with the bear. She flicked its one floppy ear, remembering how they'd argued over it at the fair. Beca had won it at a shooting gallery but Chloe had taken possession of it like she would. Beca had pretended that she wanted it for herself but, of course, she'd glowed with pride because Chloe wanted it. That was how they'd been... before the retreat, before everything got complicated.

Beca took the letter from him and pulled him close. "Has she abandoned you too?" she whispered in its ear and kissed its head. She would have felt stupid doing this if she didn't feel so abandoned, so sad, and just a tiny bit angry.

It wasn't difficult to see why Chloe had left and without a word. Or why she'd asked her friends to keep it to themselves. The anger stemmed from the betrayal. They'd sided with Chloe, against her. They had their reasons and Beca knew she would have sided with Chloe herself, even against herself, if things had been different - if she hadn't had her own reason.

Beca took a deep breath which turned into a sigh. She looked around the room one last time in the dimming light. Then she left it. She walked upstairs to her own room, ignoring the subdued voices from downstairs. She sat down on her bed with the bear and the letter and after a few seconds of just staring at the envelope she opened it.

 _Beca._

 _You're probably angry with me but I hope you didn't just tear this letter into pieces and threw it away. I hope you still love me enough to hear my reason for leaving without telling you. Will you, please?_

 _I love you, Beca. You know that, of course. I'm also in love with you. And maybe you know that too or maybe you're blinking your beautiful eyes at this..._

Beca did indeed blink her eyes, trying to fight the tears that were seriously falling now. She rubbed at her eyes but it took a while until she could dislodge the thought that had turned on the waterworks: she's in love with me. Fuck, she's in fucking love with me.

Beca took a deep breath and continued through the tears.

 _... beautiful eyes at this and wonder if I've lost my mind. I have in a way but I was sure you had too so I didn't mind._

 _Don't worry, it's obvious now that you didn't - lose your mind over me - and that I was just fooling myself. Or maybe you felt a little and maybe not enough. I know you love me, you love all of us, and that's why I hope you'll forgive the Bellas for keeping this secret from you. They did it because I asked them to and they weren't happy to lie to you, believe me. I made them promise. All but Emily, I was sure she would tell on me and didn't tell her._

 _Are you angry? Are you sad? I hope you're not unhappy. And I hope you will forgive me, because I couldn't help falling for you. You don't know how irresistible you are with your big blue eyes, your potty mouth, your sarcasm, and that tiny hot body of yours. I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable to read this..._

Beca took the time to blow her nose here as she nodded to the words.

 _... to read this but that's how I feel. I feel too much to put it all down and I'm afraid that if I just keep writing the others will tell you that I'm about to leave and you'll just appear at my door step at any moment. I'm also afraid that you won't and that I will have left before you arrive._

 _Call me a hopeless romantic but I still long for the moment that you do appear on my door step. That I'll only have to look into your eyes to know that you love me the way that I love you. And that you'll kiss me again._

 _Beca, that kiss. Do I have to tell you how much it meant to me? Or do you know? For just a moment, it was everything and there hasn't been a waking moment since that I haven't looked back and yearned for more._

 _But that was obviously not how you felt, so I'm not gonna say anymore. I'm not gonna say anymore about all of this when we meet again, don't worry. It will all be said with this letter. I will not torture you with any of this again. That is if you forgive me for leaving and will still be my friend. I think you will be, because I know you love me._

 _I need you in my life, Becs. And I hope you still want me in yours._

 _I guess that's it. We'll see each other at Cynthia Rose's wedding. I'll be back to being my dorky self again, and I hope you'll be your snarky self again and that we can go from there. Fair warning: I will hug you when we see each other again. I will always hug my friends, and you're my friend. You'd have to stay away to avoid it but I know you won't do that, because you love CR and you love me. We'll be Bellas again for that day._

 _Love, Chloe_

 _P.S.: Take good care of Grumpy, I want him back._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: We still have to deal with some drama. Hope you still like it. Thanks for all the nice reviews.**

* * *

They had left her pretty much alone. Nobody came up to her to talk to her about Chloe leaving, nobody tried to apologize for lying or to comfort her. And somehow Beca resented that. The Bellas were supposed to be her friends, a kind of family away from home but they had all let her down. By lying to her, yes, but more so for taking Chloe's side, for thinking she deserved to be left. And even Emily, who hadn't known about Chloe leaving was siding with her now.

Beca needed the resentment, she needed to be angry at someone, because she couldn't find it in her to be angry at Chloe. And she had tried. She had read the letter over and over again but the only thing she felt was the pain she had caused her best friend. She was more angry at herself but she was far from forgiving the Bellas for feeling the same way - if they even did that.

Beca didn't know how her friends felt. And she was too busy being angry and miserable to care. She was just upstairs in her room, only coming downstairs when she knew nobody was there - and nobody seemed to.

Jessica was the first to try and talk to her, because she was moving out. She came upstairs, standing awkwardly on the last step. Beca had looked at her and she had felt a huge ball of anger just building inside her stomach.

"I'm leaving," Jessica had said.

"Then leave," Beca had answered and turned to the wall.

Jessica had burst into tears and Beca had felt like the biggest dickwad in history. She couldn't tell, of course. She couldn't follow Jessica and make it up to her. She just lay on her bed, she tinkered with her keyboard, she tried to come up with words explaining... everything. But she didn't know who she even wanted to explain anything to. Not yet, at least.

* * *

All this changed on Tuesday.

Emily had left the house - she was the only one left. Beca felt restless. She'd pretty much spent four days cooped up under the roof in summer. It was hot, it was getting hotter, everything seemed to melt. Surely, Beca felt like her brain had melted by now. When she stood at the open window to see Emily get into a car she didn't recognize, she felt a cool breeze ruffle her shirt. It had rained the night before right into the morning. Things had cooled down and she hadn't even noticed until now.

Beca decided to go out. Everybody be damned. She was going to have a night on the town without the Bellas. After all, college was over, she was leaving in probably under a week, now that everybody else had left. It was time to say goodbye, to enjoy her last days of freedom before taking that job in Atlanta.

She showered, she changed, put on some makeup, put her hair up. She looked good.

The first bump in the road was finding a place to party. College had gone by with the Bellas partying pretty much every weekend, but they had mostly done that within the college community, at frat houses, at the BTM house, at home, sororities, campus venues. Or at the places they traveled for competition. But where to go off campus?

She was already inside the taxi and called up bars and clubs on her phone. But which one to choose?

"You okay back there? I mean, you can sit here but I'll have to turn on the meter, you know?"

"Yes, sorry. I just decided to go out, very spontaneous like, and I'm not sure where to go."

"Freshman?"

Beca made eye-contact with the driver through the mirror. "I graduated this year," she told him.

"Sorry. So, you're allowed to drink?"

Beca nodded. Her birthday had been in March, they'd had a big party to mark the occasion.

"You want something 'special for singles, or more mixed? Gay bar?" he then added.

"Do I look gay to you?" The question just popped out and it had an edge to it.

"Well, I wouldn't know but I know enough straight ladies who love going to gay bars, so..."

"Sorry, I... no, no gay bar. Something with young people and dancing would be good. Not necessarily singles. I don't wanna hook up. If you know a place like that." She tried a smile but she already felt slightly overwhelmed by this single conversation. The driver had just wanted to be nice and she had overreacted.

Way to go, Becs. Yell at people for thinking you're gay! That'll convince them!

Beca leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She felt tears threatening but fought them for now. She was just being overly sensitive and probably had to relearn how to interact with people after her four days of solitude. But she could do that. She was almost sure.

The club the driver picked was an interesting venue. A very mixed clientele threaded through several rooms with different types of music and several bars. Beca got a drink and listened to R&B for some time. A song by Beyoncé shook her out of watching people, because it was one of Chloe's favorites. She'd loved Beyoncé... she still did, even if she wasn't bouncing up and down the stairs of the Bellas house anymore, singing, dancing to one of Queen B's songs.

Beca left that room immediately and found herself in a darker place with low music. Couples were dancing, mostly straight, but there was a gay couple in one corner and Beca could see two lesbian couples as well. She sighed.

Stop staring maybe? she admonished herself after one of the girls had seen her and raised an eyebrow at her.

Beca drowned her drink and went in search of the next bar to get another. She found it at the other end of the location where people danced to 80s music. It was another reminder of Chloe but at this point, Beca couldn't let herself care. She resigned to the fact that as long as she was here, she'd always be reminded of Chloe. And it wasn't like... Chloe was a friend, it wasn't like... they would see each other again soon, no reason to get depressed over something that wasn't that bad.

Chloe had made a decision and it was probably good that she'd made it. It was easier now for everyone and certainly for Beca, because she could leave now too.

And she would.

Beca nodded to herself as she sipped her drink.

"Hey, beautiful. You alone here?" A guy in a white blazer, the sleeves pushed up to the elbows half-smiled at her. He was good-looking but that's where the appeal ended. He was far too confident.

"No," Beca said with emphasis, shaking her head. She meant 'no, you and I are not gonna work' and he seemed to take it that way as he shrugged and moved on.

Beca turned to the bar and put her drink down. She slipped out of her jacket and folded it over her arm. "What am I doing here?" she wondered aloud. She'd never been a person to go out much, not before college. And she certainly hadn't gone out alone. Why had she thought it a good idea?

"Hey, sweety. You lonely?" A dark-haired guy who reminded her a little of Jesse leaned in next to her, far too close.

"No."

"Come on. I know you're here alone. You could at least give me a chance."

"No."

"Bitch," he said and pulled away.

Beca nodded. "Yeah, you're right there. I am a bitch."

"Hey, be careful how you talk about my friend," a more familiar voice came from her left. When she turned she looked into Benji's kind eyes.

"Benji," Beca exclaimed and hugged him. She couldn't remember that seeing him had ever felt so good, so important for her well-being. She almost choked on tears as she felt him hug her back.

"Hey, Becs, you all right there?" he asked after she clung to him longer than he was probably comfortable with.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm good."

Benji looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You talked to Emily," Beca said.

"Well, we do talk... pretty much every day."

"I thought you guys weren't-"

"We're not. Together, if that was what you meant. But we're still friends. I would actually call her my best friend, besides Jesse, of course."

Beca nodded. "How's Jesse? I mean, I've talked to him... a couple days ago."

Benji looked at her seemingly deciding if he was going to let her get away with changing the subject. It was strange how well he could read her, and how well she could read him. "He's good. We talked yesterday. He said to say 'hi' to everyone and I guess that includes you. He said he hadn't been able to reach you since Thursday."

Beca sighed. "I've been kinda busy."

"Moping?"

Now Beca threw Benji a glare. How dare he? What did he even know?

But he was already putting up his hands. "You want another drink?" he asked as she had slowly emptied her glass.

"Sure, why not."

Benji ordered a drink for her and a water for himself. "Since Emily told you that we're not together... you know, I didn't take it that well when she said she didn't want a relationship just yet. I thought she was blowing me off, because that's such a familiar feeling. I mean - and this may surprise you," he said with a self-deprecating smile. "I'm not really a ladies man."

"It's hard to believe. You're such a great guy," Beca said, meaning it.

"Most women see me as a dork and some very special ones as friend but... I mean, I did have a girlfriend in high school - a fellow nerd, but she was very cute. And there have been... has been a girl here. You remember Callie?"

Beca nodded. Calllie had been with the Harmonics for a year, then had moved on from a Capella and college. She and Benji had had a short fling.

"Well, what I'm saying is that meeting Emily was... magical for me. I couldn't understand why it hadn't been as magical for her, you know. Sometimes it's not. But sometimes people are still getting together and having a good time. Or they remain friends and that's good too. And sometimes both of these things happen in different orders. I mean-"

"I get what you mean," Beca said. She was almost sure that he was saying this for her benefit, that this was about her and Chloe, not about him and Emily. She appreciated him wanting to help, but she wasn't really ready to have this conversation.

"Now it's good with Emily and I, because I cherish our friendship more, you know. I know I can always talk to her. And we still keep talking about... you know, maybe going out again. We sometimes have a date. And she sometimes has dates with somebody else. She needs more time and more space."

Beca nodded, taking a long sip of her drink. She knew she herself was Emily in this weird analogy. She had been the one to pull back. But things were very different between her and Chloe. They'd known each other a lot longer, and they'd known each other a lot better. And... and they were both women.

"I know you haven't ask for my opinion," Benji now said. Beca was aware that she had missed some of what he'd been saying. "But you and the Bellas, I love you guys. And I love how you're so different and still the closest of friends. And whatever has gone down in the past, you were always able to talk to each other, talk things through. I'm sure that's still true, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This is just one long chapter and it's pretty heavy. Belive me, I didn't mean for this story to be this long or this dramatic, it just happened. Not sure, I should apologize, but here we go.**

* * *

It was colder up north. Not cold, but the air was fresher, there was a steady breeze. Up here, Beca actually felt like it was going on fall and she was glad to have packed the light jacket into her overnight bag. She didn't plan on staying in Virginia overnight, she was booked on a late train to Pennsylvania to visit her mother.

All these thoughts, though, the nestling at her jacket, she was just biding her time as she looked up at the grand house that was the Beale mansion. When Chloe had indicated before that her parents had money, Beca never quite pictured it like this. She'd thought of a nice house, parents who had money to spare to send their three kids to college, living comfortably, but not in obvious riches. This, however, spelled riches to spare and Beca was understandably intimidated. Of course, she was also stalling at pushing the button next to the speaker box at the gate. It wasn't a big gate, somebody athletic - not Beca - could have jumped over it. It was just a threshold to keep the loiterers at bay, Beca imagined.

She took a deep breath now, half hoping that Chloe wasn't at home - at the moment. She'd talked to Aubrey on the phone and had basically threatened and begged Chloe's whereabouts out of her. But maybe, if she was out with friends or something... but, no, Beca had to talk to her. It was important. It was crucial that Chloe understood.

Another deep breath and Beca finally pushed the button. It took about 20 seconds before somebody answered and a static voice came out of the speaker box:

"This is Natalie Beale. To who am I speaking?"

"Ah, hi. I'm Beca... Beca Mitchell. I'm looking for..."

"Beca, oh my God. Come in," Chloe's mom said and a moment later the buzz coming from the gate told her that she could walk through.

So Mrs. Beale remembered her. They'd only met briefly at the graduation ceremony but the Beales had done quite a bit for the Bellas over the years. They contributed to the Copenhagen trip with quite a bit of money. They'd even pitched in for some of the equipment Beca had used to mix the music for the group.

Beca walked up the short path to the big house. The door opened when she hadn't quite reached it yet and a smiling face greeted her. Chloe's mother bore quite the resemblance to her only daughter, the blue eyes, the red hair. But where Chloe was tan, Natalie Beale was pale. She was also reed thin while still athletic.

"Beca, it's good to see you." She enfolded Beca in a short hug and pulled her into the house. "Chloe's upstairs, maybe you go up and surprise her. She'll be so thrilled to see one of her friends from Barden. To be honest, Chloe's been moping around quite a bit since she's been back."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Beca answered to the rush of words. "Which room is hers?"

"Of course, you've never been here. It's the second door to the left. Should I show you? I was just making some iced tea. Do you want some?"

"Thanks, not right now. I'll just go up then."

Natalie smiled encouragingly as Beca started climbing the gigantic staircase. As Beca looked back to her halfway up, she was just walking into one of the rooms to the right of the stairs, Beca assumed that the kitchen lay in that direction. She looked around at the wealth, the high ceiling with the candelabra, the antique table and cabinets in the hall, it was all intimidating and Beca wondered at the unpretentious family that lived here. The Beales were all very open and nice and giving. Beca had only met one of Chloe's brothers, the younger one, Sam, but she was sure Chloe's elder brother Thomas was just as friendly and open as the rest of the family.

Beca finally reached the landing and walked to the second door on the left. Only, she wasn't sure if it was the second. There was one just across the stairs and Beca wasn't sure if that was door number one or if Mrs. Beale had meant to count only the two doors at the left. When she knocked there was no answer and Beca opened the door. It was a bathroom.

"O-kay," Beca made but didn't get any further as the door to her left opened and Chloe poked her head out.

"Beca?"

"Hey, I was looking for you," Beca said, trying a smile.

"In the bathroom?"

"I must have misunderstood your mother. She said second to the left, I thought... hey."

Chloe looked at her but her customary smile was suspiciously absent. "Hey. It's good to see you." She came over to Beca and gave her the promised hug.

To Beca it felt awkward and way shorter than any hug they'd ever shared.

"Come in." Chloe went back into her room and Beca followed.

It was a nice room, cozy and colorful, very much Chloe Beale. She had one stuffed animal sitting on the bed, obviously a favorite as the kangaroo looked very loved. There was music coming from her computer and the posters on the wall showed mostly music artists - mostly from the 80s.

"It's a nice room."

"Thanks. I haven't redecorated, I'm not planning on staying here. Most of the stuff is from my school days."

Beca nodded and noticed a framed photo from their Graduation. It was the same photo that she had packed just that morning into the last box to go to Atlanta.

Chloe noticed her looking. "Well, obviously that's not from school."

It had a prominent place on her nightstand and Beca imagined Chloe looking at it before she went to sleep.

An awkward silence spread between them as Beca tried to avoid looking directly at Chloe and Chloe only looked at her.

"So," Chloe said.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Beca said.

"Well, I guess there were things unsaid when I left. Aubrey called to tell me that she told me where I was so I was kinda expecting you."

Beca nodded.

"Sit down," Chloe offered a cozy looking armchair to Beca as she said on a loveseat.

Another short but intense silence dwelt between them. Beca couldn't remember it ever having been like this between them, not even after the kiss they'd shared. They'd always known things to talk about but now that they had definitely something to talk about, she balked. And Beca knew it was mostly her. She'd never talked about what she was to tell Chloe and it was harder than she'd ever imagined.

"I need to tell you something," she said, taking the first step on that hard road.

"I thought you've come here to... have me talk. I mean why I left and all."

Beca shook her head. "I understand. I just... I don't want you to think that... it has to do with you... I mean, of course, it has to do with you but... Chloe..." Beca looked up at her and was struck dumb by the open vulnerability in Chloe's eyes. But also by the hopefulness, the trust. One could do real damage to Chloe Beale, because she would let them, because she trusted. Not that Beca had set out to hurt Chloe but she was convinced that some of what she was going to say would and she dreaded this more than anything else.

"You're my best friend, Chloe. You have been pretty much from the moment you barged into my shower." Beca had to smile at the memory but she waited in vain for Chloe to answer it. "That's not what you wanna hear... obviously."

"That's not it, Becs. You're my best friend too. I'm sorry if I seem... angry? Or sad? I guess, I am sad but it's not your fault. Please continue," Chloe told Beca. Now they were both reluctant to talk but talk they needed to do.

"You're my best friend and yet I sometimes feel like we don't know each other that well. Besides having seen each other naked. I mean, there're things we never talked about. I don't know where you stand politically, though I guess you're liberal. But... I'm doing this all wrong."

"I think we know each other pretty well. Strange, huh?"

Chloe gave her a small smile now but it seemed to hurt more than reassure. It made Beca realize just how much Chloe was already hurting and maybe this was all wrong. But what else could Beca do? Maybe she should just take Amy's advice... but the thought alone took Beca's breath away. Panic gripped her.

"I'm not saying we don't know each other but all the stuff was just so immediate, you know? What do you really know about... I mean, I only just met your mom for the second time. She wasn't even aware at first that I've never been here."

"How is that relevant how well you know my family, or my home?"

"I guess I was just referring to the people we were... before Barden. Where we come from."

Chloe looked at Beca for a long moment. She squinted her eyes a little as she asked: "Is this about my parents being rich?"

Beca took another deep breath, frustrated with herself. "No, I... I'm sorry, I'm not explaining this right. Do you know... what do you know about my family?"

"I know that you're from Pennsylvania. That your parents are divorced. Your dad works as an English professor at Barden and he's married. Your mom is married, too, I think. But I'm not sure what she does for a living or about her husband. Wife?"

Beca had to laugh at this. Just imagining her mom being married to another woman... but really, it wasn't that funny. "No, she's married to a man. Grant Winter."

"Beca Winter," Chloe said and flashed Beca a real smile, obviously trying to tease her with it. But Beca didn't feel amused by it and it must have shown on her face. "You don't get along with him?"

"That's not it exactly. I mean... I guess he's an okay guy. I never really took to him. I mean, they've been married just over five years and I hardly know the guy. Before I went to Barden, I spent a lot of time at the school radio, I worked evenings at the movie theater."

"You were an usher?"

Now, Beca smiled. "I was."

"Bet you looked really cute in that uniform," Chloe said and winked at her.

Beca blushed. "I don't know about that. I just... Grant and I... I..." But Beca didn't know how to say it. She knew that this was where she'd been going with the 'we hardly know each other' speech. Chloe didn't know about Grant, she didn't know about... the problem between her and Grant.

"What about him? He didn't..." Chloe hesitated. "He didn't do anything to you, did he?"

Beca shook her head. "It's not really about me, though it's the reason we don't really get along. Or maybe, it's the reason I'm not really accepting him as my step dad."

"What is it?"

Beca looked around the room. To her surprise, tears started welling up in her eyes. It was stupid to cry about this and she didn't want to. She'd never told anyone, she'd never planned to. After all, this wasn't even about her. "Grant has a son. Well, I guess if you were to ask him, he would deny he had a son but he still does. His name is Sebastian and he's gay."

"And?" Chloe didn't seem to see anything amiss with this picture. Beca had thought she just needed to go this far but obviously she had to explain further.

"Him being gay is the reason Grant doesn't talk about him. He cut him off when he came out."

"Do you know him?" Chloe asked.

"I met him once, briefly. He came to the house one afternoon when Grant and my mom were away. He was looking for something he left and he didn't know that Grant's new wife had a kid. We talked a little but he wanted to leave before his dad came back."

"Has your mom met him?"

Beca shook her head. "She knows about him but she told me that Grant doesn't like to talk about him. That's all."

"Does she know he's gay?" Chloe kept asking questions and Beca wasn't sure where she was going with it. Wasn't it time for Chloe to face the implications this revelation had for her - Beca?

"I think so. I can't imagine that she doesn't."

Chloe nodded. "You're afraid," she then said. The simple phrase shook lose one of those damn tears Beca had tried to hold back.

She looked into her lap at her folded hands. "I don't know what my mom would do if I... turned out the same way as Sebastian."

"And you never talked to her about it?"

"There was never really a reason to."

Chloe kept silent for a long moment until Beca looked up at her.

"Never really? Sounds like there was something," she then said probing.

Beca felt heat rush up her collar.

"Who was she?" Chloe said with an encouraging smile.

"It wasn't like that. We were just friends."

"Uh-huh."

"Don't look at me like that," Beca told Chloe. She was trying to be angry but couldn't resist the good-natured teasing from Chloe's bright blue eyes. It dragged a reluctant smile out of her.

"Who was she?" Chloe repeated her question.

"It wasn't anything. I just liked her and we hung out a lot."

"But you would have liked to do more," Chloe guessed.

Beca closed her eyes. She'd never even admitted this to herself how could she tell Chloe how it had felt to be friends with Tamara? How the mere touch of her hand had made Beca giddy? How she'd sometimes drowned in her dark chocolaty eyes? How they had laughed? It had all been innocent and yet there was a kernel of truth in what Chloe had said. A part of Beca had always wanted more with Tamara - until she had run headlong into a wall, because she wasn't able to articulate this more and hadn't been brave enough to explore her needs.

Beca put her face into her hands, rubbing away the remnants of tears.

"Hey," Chloe said, nudging Beca's arm.

Beca looked up.

"It's okay. We all had friends like that."

"No, I don't think so. I mean, you maybe. CR probably. But Amy? Jessica? Ashley? No."

"So what if they didn't? It's not illegal, and it's not a bad thing. Female friendships, female love... it's all good. We live in a free country, Beca."

"Yeah, a free country where parents send their kids to anti-gay camps for deprogramming," Beca said, a bitter edge in her voice.

"You don't think your mom would have done that, do you?"

Beca shrugged. "We've never talked about... gay people. I mean, I know she has a couple of gay clients but I don't know how she would react to a gay daughter. Or son. Or..." Beca lifted her hands. She wasn't sure what else to say.

"Does it still matter, though? I mean, you're an adult. You live your own life."

"Would you be okay if your parents didn't accept you for who you are?"

Chloe took a moment to answer. "Probably not."

Beca nodded.

"But they do accept me. I knew they would, because we talked about it. You've never given your mom the chance to accept you," Chloe argued.

It was a valid point, one Beca couldn't argue. She'd assumed that her mom knew about Sebastian. She'd assumed that her mother accepted Grant's treatment of him. And she just assumed that accepting Grant's decision meant that she would do the same in a similar situation. At the basis, of course, was her fear. She'd just lost her father - temporarily - when she'd found out about Sebastian. She couldn't have risked losing her mother, even if she'd admitted to herself that she may be gay. But, of course, Beca had never done that. It hadn't come up since Tamara.

Beca looked at Chloe and knew that the question was still there, though. It hadn't gone away, Beca had just ignored it for a couple of years. She was basically still ignoring it.

For a moment, Jesse had felt like her savior, her confirmed heterosexuality. She'd leaned back in it, comfortable if not completely happy. And then they'd let their relationship slide, and then Jesse had come out and she now saw how he had waited for her to do the same thing. But she hadn't been self-aware in that regard. She'd just always put this thing away. Until it had pushed her into Chloe's arms, into an unforgettable kiss. And Beca still had reservations to even think about it, because... she was too scared.


	15. Chapter 15

**N/A: I know it takes a long time for me to update and I'm sorry. There's so little time to just write for pleasure these days. But I love it and I won't give it up. So there - on with the story. Hope you like.**

* * *

They'd talked more. They'd talked about Chloe leaving and everybody else leaving. Of course, Chloe had stayed in touch with everybody, knew exactly what had gone on at the Bellas House - hell, she knew better what was going on than Beca - and she had berated Beca. For how she'd treated her friends. It was still a sore spot for Beca, but she'd promised Chloe to call everyone, apologize.

And they hadn't been quite talked out when Beca had said that she had to go to the train station or she would miss her train for home. And that was where they were now, standing on the platform, waiting for the train.

Beca shuffled her feet, her hands buried deeply into the pockets of her closed jacket. It was cool here, as train stations are bound to be.

"It's gonna be all right, Becs," Chloe said.

Beca looked up, but couldn't quite share in her friend's confidence. "How do you know?"

"I met your mom, remember? She loves you loads."

"Yeah, I bet all those homeless lgbt-teens have parents who loved them, too." Beca sighed. "God, I'm pathetic. I'm sorry."

"No, you're just scared." Chloe came closer and lay her hands on Beca's shoulders. It was the first touch they shared since that awkward hug and it made Beca conscious on how much she needed Chloe touching her. It was unnatural when Chloe didn't do it. It was unnatural for Beca to miss it, yearn for it, not have it.

"Do you trust me, Becs?"

"You know I do."

Chloe nodded, her smile had come back to her during their conversation and she now gave it freely again - just not as frequently as she used to. "Then trust me on this: your mom loves you. And she will still love you... if you come out. If you're gay."

There was a question in that last half-sentence. If' - Chloe was asking if she was gay. Was she? One thing was probably clear to both of them and that was that Beca wasn't straight. But she wasn't sure at all what label to adopt now that 'straight' wasn't an option anymore.

"Well, I'm something," she said. "Something other than straight, I mean. Not sure, what."

Chloe nodded, not quite satisfied with the answer as Beca could see. But she wasn't asking about it anymore. She just squeezed Beca's shoulders. "Your mom will love you still," she said with confidence. "How could she not?"

Her blue eyes were shining at Beca, but instead of basking in that love which was so apparant, Beca frowned. How could she accept that love when she didn't know how to reciprocate? She still had such a long way to go, she knew. And Chloe was too... good for her, too amazing to stay single for long. She couldn't ask her to wait, she might yet change her mind.

"Chloe, I..."

That was when the train drove into the station and drowned out whatever Beca had wanted to say.

Chloe lay her arms around her neck and hugged her tight. Beca pulled her even closer if that was possible.

"I love you," Chloe said at her ear. "I'm not asking anything of you, but that's something you'll always have, okay? And I'm not the only one. So whatever it is, just call me or call Amy or whoever, we're all here for you."

Beca nodded. She knew this. There was this one group of people who would never let her down... well, at least they had let her down for a good reason before. Beca barked a short laugh at the thought and Chloe looked at her questioningly. "They love you more than me, and I can't say that I disagree."

"They don't love me more, they just understood me better in that situation. Because you keep everything so damn close. You need to open up more."

"I wanted to tell you, Chloe, but we'd gotten too close already. I couldn't talk about Sebastian being gay without... without admitting that I might be too. For you."

It was unexpected, but Chloe lay a hand on Beca's cheek and just went for the kiss. It was rushed and messy and kind of slobbery, but it made Beca's body come alive. She needed more of it, but she also needed to board the train.

"Damn, girl," she said.

Chloe laughed. "Tell your mom I said 'hi.'"

"'Course. Thanks for... everything, Chlo. Drive careful, huh?"

Chloe nodded as they slowly parted. Beca picked up her bag and walked over to the door, their hands still lingering around each other. Beca got on, their hands slowly disentangling. She gave a last squeeze and then she stood at the top of the stairs. Chloe looked up at her and she was smiling.

"I see you at the wedding," she said.

Beca nodded, but before she could answer the doors closed and she was left with unsaid words yet again.

* * *

The train had already left the station before Beca found her seat. Chloe had walked along outside, but was soon left behind as the train started moving.

Beca sighed as she sank into her seat. Breathing was so much easier when Chloe wasn't looking at her. Or, for God's sake, kissing her. DAMN! They'd gone and done it again, and completely sober this time. Another sigh.

"Well, that sounds like heartache."

Beca looked up at the man who'd spoken from the seat across. He looked older than herself, but not by much, and wore a dark blue suit that fit him well. He smiled pleasantly at her, but she didn't feel inclined to answer it. She didn't know him.

"Sorry, I just... I saw you with your girlfriend outside. You seemed reluctant to leave her."

Girlfriend, gee, was that what people were thinking? Of course, they were. They'd kissed, for heaven's sake. And what a kiss... "We're just friends," Beca heard herself say without even consciously thinking about it first. She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself, but then again, it wasn't exactly his business what Chloe and she were for each other.

"Hm, well, are you going to Boston, too?"

"Philadelphia," she said. She wasn't really inclined to talk, but didn't know how to stop him at this point. Damn social codes. She looked around at the other passengers, the train was only about one-third filled. She thought of getting her laptop and her headphones, but by the look of Mr. Chatty, he would even talk to her if she put them on.

"Ah, the city of brotherly love," he said, emphasizing 'brotherly.'

"Yeah, well, that was a long time ago."

"Looking at you and your girlfriend, one could reinterpret what it means though, right?" He didn't smile this time, just looked at her with a kind of stern expression.

"She's not my girlfriend," Beca said. She decided to tune him out and reached for her backpack beside her. She pulled out her laptop and put it on the table. Her headphones followed.

"Please, you don't kiss 'only friends' like that. I thought your generation was all for being out and loud."

"I'm not... your generation? What're you even talking about?" As disinclined as she was to talk, she wasn't going to let herself get bullied. That guy had obviously a chip on his shoulder about her kissing Chloe. Or maybe a stick up his ass, was more to the point.

"I'm talking about you and your girlfriend kissing in a public place. There could have been children around, do you ever think about that?" His voice now clearly conveyed his anger.

"Seriously? Dude, listen, this is none of your business and those hypothetical children you talk about: they literally don't care about who loves who. It's you who's got a problem with it, obvious-"

"Damn right, I've got a problem with that kind of perversity-"

"Now, hold on," an elderly woman from across the aisle interrupted him. "How can you talk like that to the young woman? She's an adult and knows best what to do with her life."

Mr. Homophobe seemed disturbed that he hadn't found an admiring audience in the old lady. He looked irritated. "Not if she does it in public."

"Public should be a safe place for everyone, young man, not just heterosexuals and..." she seemed to think hard of something. "Cis-gendered people, that's it. Everybody should be safe. And if straight people can kiss in public so can homosexuals."

"What you're a dyke, too?"

The old woman blanched, then blushed. "I've been married to my husband for almost 50 years before he died last year."

"I'm so sorry," was all Beca could think of to say at that moment.

The older woman looked at her, smiling, though her eyes misted over. "So am I, dear, but he was very ill."

Mr. Homophobe-Asshat seemed to want to say something, but at this moment the conductor stepped up to them. "Tickets, please."

Beca pulled out her phone and let him scan her ticket app. The older woman just smiled pleasantly at the conductor, Beca thought that she'd probably been on the train longer and he'd already seen her ticket. Homophobe-Asshat made a show of searching for his ticket in his bag, before he seemed to remember that it had been in his suit jacket all along. The conductor frowned.

"There you go? How long until Boston?"

"11 hours, sir," he answered in a bored voice.

 _And only 5 hours with this bastard sitting across from me, great_ , Beca thought.

"Excuse me, sir," the old lady addressed the conductor and he turned to her after scanning the phobe's ticket. "This gentleman was very mean to this young lady earlier. Do you think he could sit somewhere else? Maybe with someone as bigotted as himself?"

Beca couldn't suppress the surprised laugh that bubbled up inside her. She looked at the old lady, then at the phobe's irritated face. The conductor was just turning from the old lady back to them.

"Is this true?"

"I wasn't mean, I just-"

"I wasn't talking to you. Did this man harrass you, miss?"

"He... yes, he was using hate-speech." It was a realization that hit Beca in the pit of her stomach. She'd been harrassed for being gay... though she wasn't even sure she was gay. _Damn!_

"Sir, would you come with me, please?"

"I wasn't doing that!" he insisted.

"But you were, dear," the old lady insisted and he glowered at her.

"Sir," the conductor said and he didn't sound very patient.

Asshat got up from his seat, pulling his jacket closed and buttoning it. His movements were quick and decidedly displeased as he pulled his bag from the seat beside him. "I'll write a formal complaint about this? People like her should be confined to a special wagon in the back where decent people shouldn't have to look at them. The audacity..."

"Yeah, yeah, just move it. You can sit in first class, for all I care, but don't harrass my passengers," the conductor said and Homophobe-Asshat shut up. He probably heard him say _first class_.

 _Hypocrite_ , Beca thought as she watched the two men go. Then her eyes went back to the old lady. "Thank you for your help."

The woman was smiling. "Oh, don't thank me, dear. You shouldn't be in a position where you have to defend yourself for who you are."

"To be perfectly honest, I have no idea who I am."

"You're still young, you don't need to figure it out right now. Me, I'm still finding out things about myself that I didn't know before. For example, I didn't know that I would stand up to a... a queer person before I just did it. But it seemed like the right thing to do."

Beca smiled. "I'm Beca, by the way." She reached over the aisle and the old woman shook her hand.

"Clairee Belcher. It's nice to meet you."

"Won't you sit with me?" Beca offered, surprising herself. She wasn't really someone to talk to strangers on a train.

"I'd love to, thank you."

"You talked very knowledgable of... queer people, if I may say so."

Clairee picked up her things and resettled in the seat the phobe had vacated. She nodded. "My youngest granddaugh... grandson is transgender. He explained things to me, though I must say, I'm not sure I understood it all."

"From what you said, you understand more than most people."

"I love my grandson, I don't want him to feel like I don't care," Clairee said.

Beca nodded. "Yeah."

"I don't want to sound nosy, but I overheard that that unpleasant man said you kissed your girlfriend? But you said she wasn't your girlfriend?"

Beca cleared her throat. "I... it's complicated between Chloe and I. We... I... really complicated."

"Well, you don't have to talk about it, but if you need... what do you call it, a sounding board? I don't mind listening and maybe I can give advice. But if you'd rather," she pointed at Beca's laptop which stood forgotten on the table. "Play with your computer, I understand."

"No, I just... I thought it might shut that guy up if I was putting my headphones on."

"Would you have just ridden with him sitting across from you, insulting you, for the rest of your trip?"

Beca frowned. "Probably. It didn't even occur to me to get the conductor involved, you know. I... I didn't want to make this anyone else's problem."

"It's okay to ask for help sometimes. It's a lesson I only learned as I got older. We all want to be independent and do things for ourselves, but sometimes other people are in a better position. Now, if I want something from other people, I ask."

Beca nodded. "That's good advice." She looked outside for a while, just thinking. Maybe that woman could help her in some small way, maybe she should start talking about... her feelings a little. Maybe it would be good to rehearse what she was going to say to her mom tomorrow. Maybe.

"See, it's like this with Chloe..." Beca started to tell Clairee.


	16. Chapter 16

**N/A: I just wanna say thanks to all you folks who're still interested in this little story, even tho it takes me forever to finish. You're awesome. So here's what happens next. Enjoy**

* * *

It was around midnight, when the taxi pulled to the sidewalk and Beca looked up to the big house her mother lived in with her husband. She'd never gotten to think of it as her home since she'd only lived there about a year before going off to college. Still, it held her room with some of her things and she'd have to pack what she wanted to take with her to Atlanta the week she would be here.

Beca paid the cabby and climbed out of the car, taking her small bag with her from the backseat. She stopped and waited until the cab had left, then she looked at the front door. A sigh unlodged itself from her throat. This was it.

She went the short paved walk to the front steps and climbed them. Her limbs felt tingly with a cold that didn't come from outside and weighed at least a ton. Another sigh. She had a key, of course, but if it hadn't been this late she would have used the doorbell. It just wasn't home, not like the Bellas House had been.

When she opened the door, she saw some light on in the living room which she couldn't have seen from outside. It was strangely in the back of the house, where it looked out onto the garden. Grant liked it that way, he'd grown up in this house.

"Mom?" Beca called out, but as quietly as she could manage. Maybe Grant was already asleep and her mom had just waited up for her. She put her bag down and doffed her jacket.

Footsteps came closer and when she turned she saw her mom come toward her. "Beca, hey."

They hugged. When they'd last seen each other - at the graduation ceremony - her mother had commented on the fact that Beca was much more comfortable with physical contact. She gave better hugs, her mom had said. Beca had blushed, because she knew it was Chloe's fault, her need for almost constant touching. But if that had been true at graduation, she really dwelled in it now. She practically clung to her mom.

"Hey, you all right?"

"Yeah, I just... it was a long trip. I'm beat."

"And here I was hoping we could have one of our late night talks. I have a family pack of Oreos," and with that Grace wiggled her eyebrows.

Beca was momentarily spared from an answer as another figure came from the back of the house. It was Grant. "Hello, Beca. How're you?" He was smiling at her.

"Good, thanks. How're you?"

"Simply wonderful." They shared an awkward hug. "You're getting more beautiful every time I see you. Soon, you'll be as stunning as your mom." Grant lay an arm around Grace and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go to bed, leave you two alone. Good night."

This time, he kissed her on the mouth and Beca turned at the intimate display. She felt uncomfortable around Grant and had a hard time hiding it.

"'Night, Beca."

"Good night," Beca answered and watched Grant climb the stairs to the upper floor. She suppressed the sigh this time. The things she'd told Chloe came back to her full force now and they lodged uncomfortably in her throat like they wanted to choke her. It was all in her head, she knew, so she took a deep breath, forcing the panic down.

"I'm really tired, mom," Beca said. "You mind if we talk tomorrow?"

"Of course not. Did you say you wanted to stop by at Chloe's? How is she?"

"Oh, she's... good. Looking for a job, like all of us."

"What was her major again?"

"Ah, comparative literature," Beca supplied.

"Right, she had Ken in some classes, right?"

Beca nodded.

"Does she know what she wants to do with it?"

"She wants to go into publishing, not sure exactly what. I don't think she knows herself, but something with books. She loves books, well, almost as much as music," Beca added with a wide smile.

"Maybe you two should start out into the music world together. You voices sounded so beautiful together when you sung that song at graduation. A perfect match."

Heat crawled up Beca's collar and she quickly turned to pick up her bag. _Perfect match? Seriously, mom? You're not supposed to tell me how well Chloe and I fit together!_ Her frantic mind failed to come up with a suitable answer. "I don't know," she just mumbled.

They walked up the stairs together, Grace laying a hand over Beca's shoulders. "It's so sad that all the Bellas are now widely strewn across the country. You were so amazing together, all of you. And so tight. I've never seen you bond with any of your friends from high school like that, maybe except for Tamara. You guys were close."

Beca felt like fainting. Her mom hadn't mentioned Tamara in years, and now, now she did? What was this all about? Did she know? Did she suspect? _For heaven's sake, woman, don't make this harder than it already is!_

"You feelings a little nostalgic there, mom?"

"Yeah, I guess. You're a grown woman now and... I guess, things will change, have already changed. You'll get married and have children of your own."

"Married?! Hold on, ma, I wouldn't even know who to get married to at the moment."

They reached the top of the stairs. Beca was looking up at her mom, frowning.

"What about Jesse? I know, a long-distance relationship is probably a hard thing to..."

Beca interrupted by laying a hand on her mother's arm. "We're not together anymore?"

"Oh, I... I didn't know that. You broke up with him?"

"We broke up, it was mutual."

Grace sighed. "Probably a good idea. I mean, at the moment, with the distance and all. But you'll stay in touch, right? You were such a sweet couple, so close." She smiled wistfully.

"Yeah, we'll stay in touch. I hope to get out that way next year, maybe in summer. See what he's doing, how the music industry looks out that way. Make some connections maybe."

"Always thinking ahead, my daughter."

"Yeah, that's me. So... I'm off to bed. 'Night, mom."

Grace hugged her again, unexpectedly. She must've really felt nostalgic. She kissed Beca's cheek. "Sleep tight, Beca. I've got the morning off, we can have a lazy breakfast, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good. 'Night."

"Night, honey."

Beca gave her mom a tiny smile and disappeared in her room. She didn't turn the light on right away, but just stood leaning against the door, closing her eyes. The first thing she noted was the smell. While she was sure that her mom came in here every day to air, there was a mustiness that lay under the fresh air smell. The room wasn't lived in, wasn't cozy. And not the light breeze from the open window, nor the smell of freshly laundered bed linen could quite mask it.

Beca closed the window, navigating her old room in the dark. She only miscalculated where her rattan chair stood and bumped her food on it. Luckily, she still wore her shoes. She closed the blinds and turned on her bedside lamp. Then she sat down on her bed and looked around.

Her walls were covered in concert memorabilias, including t-shirts, lanyards, posters. You could hardly see any wallpaper, she'd gone to so many concerts of so many different artists. And she still cherished most of them. Of course, there was that embarrassing ticket of a Justin Bieber concert she would never tell anyone about - except she'd told Chloe about it one drunken night after a party, as she now remembered. Beca groaned. Was there anything Chloe didn't know about her?

It seemed, Chloe had been right: they did know each other really well. Beca pulled her phone from her pocket, she remembered having promised Chloe a text when she got home.

 _Hey, just came in. My room looks like it used to and is gonna be a lotta work to clean. Lots of memories, it's gonna be a full week. You're probably asleep. G'night._

Beca quickly sent the text before she revised the end another time. It was annoying how difficult it was to just write a text. She just wanted to let Chloe know that she was all right and already she thought of telling her to have sweet dreams or that she thought about her or that her mom had mentioned her. But it was all too much. So lame was what her text was. It didn't convey any of her feelings, of the things that had happened to her on the train, or how she'd panicked when her mom had mentioned Chloe. It was all nonsense.

Her phone beeped with a text:

 _Was waiting for you to write. Glad you're home okay, was a little worried to have my tiny captain ride the train all by herself. Just barely kept from calling you every hour. Your mom okay? Have you talked to her yet? No, forget that. Take your time, I'm just being anxious for you. XOXO_

As per usual, Chloe put all her feelings out there. Damn. How right Chloe had been, she needed to learn to convey her feelings better.

 _I was too chicken, but we're having breakfast tomorrow, so... train ride was weird. Going to tell you when we see each other, but I met someone who had good advice. I hope I can use that tomorrow. I kinda wish you were here, but also not, if that makes any sense. I miss you. XO_

That text made her feel better and she sent it with a smile.

The answer came only a few moments later.

 _I understand. And I miss you too. Sweet dreams, Becs. XXXXX ;)_

Beca groaned reading it. She let herself fall back on the bed, rereading it. All those kisses, like she could forget about the one they'd shared at the station.

She sent some Xs of herself, before she lost her nerve. Rolling her eyes at herself, she turned her phone off and pulled her charger from her bag. She usually turned her phone off at night, because Amy had the tendency to sent texts and pictures and whatnot at the oddest hours.

She made herself ready for bed and then climbed between the cool covers. With a sigh she closed her eyes, but it was some time until she could calm her thoughts enough to fall asleep.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Beca started, rising up in her bed, then laying back down, seeing how the room looked familiar if not entirely like home. Her room at the Bellas house didn't have a door, it had stairs.

"Honey, you up?" The door opened a crack and her mom pushed her head in to smile at her. "Morning."

"Morning, mom. I... how late is it?"

"Almost 10."

"I slept too long, sorry." Beca sat up and rubbed her face.

"No, no, it's your vacation. But I think it would be a good time to get up now, don't you?"

Beca simply nodded, then stretched herself.

"Did you sleep all right?"

"Yeah, just... thoughts. Couldn't really fall asleep."

"Well, you could share some of those thoughts if you like. I kinda missed our talks, you know?"

Beca looked at her mom, trying to see beyond the face she'd always known to what Chloe had seen that made her say, her mom would be all right if she came out. She couldn't quite see it, though she knew her mom loved her.

"Honey?"

"Yeah, I'll be downstairs. Just need the bathroom first."

"Take your time." Grace closed the door again.

Beca fell back into her cushions, sighing. She was aware that she did that a lot these days, but things seemed hard and sluggish. She herself felt sluggish. Things weren't really progressing the way she'd hoped they would after graduation, but she also knew she was part of the problem. Her indecision, her reluctance, her fear. She'd never known paralysis like this.

She picked up her phone from the nightstand and unplugged it from the charger, turned it on. She already had a message and it was from Chloe:

 _Good luck today. Rmb your mom loves you and so do I and all the Bellas. We're all here for you. XXOOXX_

More kisses. Beca could almost imagine how it would be to get all those kisses in person. She blushed as her body flushed. _Well, good morning to you too_ , she thought and snickered. Yep, there was something definitely gay going on with her. Was definitely gay for Chloe a sexuality she could accept?

Since it seemed that her body was already there, her overactive brain tried not to deny it any longer with claims of 'just friends.' She took this as progress and typed a message of her own:

 _Thanks, Chlo. Not sure my mom will be 100%, but you might be right with her love for me. Hope she rmbs when I turn out a raging homosexual... for now, I think I might just be gay for you. Is that all right? XO_

She didn't need to wait long for an answer:

 _As far as I'm concerned you can stay that way forever. XXX Sending you good thoughts for support. Call me when it's over?_

 _I will. Off to face the music now (I wish it was as easy as music, tho). XO_

She put her phone down, but then thought better of it and typed another message:

 _Hey, Bellas. I want to apologize for being an asshat these last few weeks. I've had a lot on my mind, things weren't progressing the way I wanted and I took it out on you. Chloe already forgave me and I hope you will too. Please text (yes, that means you too Lily). I 3 you all - DJBM_

She read it twice before she sent it. Then she made her way to the bathroom before going downstairs.


	17. Chapter 17

**N/A: This is a little shorter, but it's THE TALK. Hope you like.**

* * *

Walking down the stairs, Beca felt a little like Gulliver... not exactly, it wasn't like she was a giant among tiny people, but she felt bigger somehow. Bigger than this house could hold, maybe. It was a peculiar feeling and not altogether pleasant.

While this house felt strange to her, the smells from the kitchen told her that she was in the right place, because there was coffee and there were waffles and her mom had made them. Beca smiled.

"Waffles?" she said and her mom looked up from her place at the kitchen counter where she'd set two places.

"Yes, because my daughter prefers them to pancakes."

Beca laughed. "I do."

"Don't tell me you were without them all through college?"

"Nah, Chloe would make them 'specially for me," she answered without thinking and then felt her cheeks heat up. She quickly turned toward the fridge and opened it.

"Have I forgotten something?" Grace asked.

"Just a habit, mom." Beca slowly pulled her head back out of the fridge and grinned at her mom who looked a little suspicious. "Sorry, I just..."

"You seem nervous, darling."

"Ah, haha, yeah. I mean, no. I'm not..." Beca took a deep breath and closed the door to the fridge again. She felt beyond stupid. She climbed onto the stool across from her mom and took the first sip of coffee. Life was slowly entering her system in the form of hot, sweetened coffee. Beca closed her eyes, smiling as it woke her body to a new day.

She heard her mom laugh. "Still an addict."

"I was at college, not at coffee rehab. If it's possible, I actually drink more now."

"I wouldn't think it was possible, and I hope you're joking," Grace said and Beca saw a frown marring her forehead as she was opening her eyes.

"Relax, mom, I still drink the odd cup of tea sometimes. And water, of course, lots of water."

"Well, good. Though I really wish you would give up your evil ways."

Beca shook her head. "Not gonna happen. Coffee and I are soulmates, bound for life. Now..." Beca picked up her cutlery and stared at the mountain of waffles her mom had made. "Are the Eagles coming for breakfast?"

"Very funny. Just eat. We both know you're gonna have these as snacks later on. Probably have some on your nightstand for when you wake up in the night, too" Grace smiled indulgently at her daughter.

"Y'know I've given up some of my evil ways," Beca said as she pulled three waffles onto her plate and added some delicious decorations. "Mmmmmmhhhh."

Her mom also took a waffle but didn't add to it. She cut it in small pieces and ate them one by one. Grace was a health freak, but she sometimes indulged for social reasons, like sitting at breakfast with her daughter.

Beca, meanwhile, dug into her impressionistic waffle art project, closing her eyes at the first bite, groaning at the tastes. She was in waffle heaven, until she remembered something Chloe had said one time she'd made waffles at the Bellas house. She started coughing and put her cutlery down. Then she quickly drank from her orange juice.

Grace patted her back. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Cough, cough. "Just... wrong... damn." Cough. "Urgh."

"They couldn't still have been hot."

"No, I just... never mind."

Chloe's exact words had been: 'You can get a girl positively worked up with those obscene moans of yours, you know that?' Beca hadn't known, but she'd never quite gotten those words out of her mind ever after - she'd been a lot less verbally appreciative of waffles when Chloe was around, though. These last few months, there hadn't been any waffle breakfasts and she'd almost forgotten - but not quite.

Looking up now, she found her mom watching her.

"You seem so...," Grace started saying, then reached out her hand to push a strand of hair out of Beca's eyes. "Grown up."

"I am grown up, mom."

Grace sighed. "I know. I can't quite reconcile the girl who left four years ago with the woman sitting across from me now. It's mind-boggling."

"It's not like you never saw me. I visited, you were at graduation."

"Yeah, I know. Still, you're changed."

It was the perfect segue, the moment wouldn't get anymore perfect than that. And Beca's heart seemed to rapidly beat in her throat, trying to choke her. She coughed again, took a sip of coffee and then rested her hands in her lap. She was trying hard to think of a sentence, a single sentence to begin what she wanted to say, but her brain stalled.

"Hey, what's that frown for? You are happy to be here, right? I've been looking forward to you visit for weeks."

"Yeah, erm, me too. I'm really glad I'm here." But it didn't sound enthusiastic and Beca found she couldn't look at her mom.

A hand appeared in her line of vision, reaching out to her own, then holding it, squeezing it. "Is something wrong, honey? You know you can tell me anything."

Beca nodded, but more from habit than conviction. She wasn't sure at all if she could really tell her mom what was happening with her.

"Did something happen? Does it have to do with you breaking up with Jesse?"

Beca closed her eyes. Her mom had good instincts and Beca only now remembered how she hated being in her crosshairs when she was in full MOM-MODE.

"A lot of things happened, mom. College was... different."

"Well, it ought to be, right?"

"Not in... any way you might think, just... for me it was. Or maybe I was. I..." Beca looked up, feeling like she didn't make any sense and needing to see if her mom understood.

Grace looked at her. There was no judgement or even confusion about what she was saying, just openness, trust.

"Jesse and I broke up, because we weren't really in love. You see, we were really just good friends for the last year, possibly longer. We had no spark," Beca said.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be, I mean, he's still my best friend. Except for the Bellas, of course. But... I mean, we were still together, because we were kinda... afraid, I guess."

"What were you afraid of?"

That was a really good question. And Beca knew the answer, she just wasn't sure she could say it, because her throat closed up again. She tried clearing it, then took another sip of her coffee. All this, of course, was stalling, but she'd started and she wouldn't turn back now. Beca let her eyes fall onto her mom's hand, holding hers.

"Admitting to feelings, other feelings, for someone else. You see, we both did that, but Jesse was a lot braver than me. He told me... after we broke up, and it was really mutual, we both thought it best... he told me that he had feelings... for one of the Trebles, Derek."

There was a long pause, at least to Beca it felt long.

"Derek. Was he that really tall, swimmer-kinda-guy. Light brown hair?"

Beca nodded.

"Jesse's got good taste. In women and men, apparently." There was a smile in her mom's words and when Beca looked up she could see it on her lips. Her eyes shone clear and full of love, it almost took Beca's breath away.

 _Oh, my God, she knows_ , Beca thought.

"So, who is it you got feelings for, honey?"

 _Ha, yeah! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! Damn, I can't, I can't, I can't. What if..._ "Chloe." She just said it.

Beca was looking hard into her mother's eyes. She was looking for a reaction, she was looking very hard, but there was only that smile, that love, that understanding. There was no flinch, no sideward glance, no narrowing of eyes, just her mom's eyes crinkling as her smile grew.

"Chloe is a lovely young woman," she said.

"Yeah, she... she is. But she's a woman."

"Is that a problem for you, honey?"

Beca would have thought it funny if her brain wasn't in a state of panic. "I... I wasn't sure... I... had a hard time with it. I mean, admitting... I mean... God, could you please tell me what you think about the fact that I might be gay?"

"You need to calm down, Beca. This isn't such a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Beca slipped from her stool, letting go of her mom's hand. She was gulping for air, holding her sides, and shaking her head.

Her mom got up too and started rubbing her back. "It's all right, honey. I'm not going to flip because you like a girl... woman. I mean, if I didn't like her I might, but Chloe is wonderful. She's so vibrant, so open. And I know how close you two are."

"Well, we're a lot closer than you probably thought. I mean, we're not really. It's not like we have... we have not, but still..." Beca turned and looked at her mom. "You don't mind at all?"

"No, I don't. I love and respect you, Beca. You've grown up into a bright young woman, ambitious and talented. And... well, ever since you've been part of the Bellas you've opened up and become... open, less dark than you were as a teen. I trust that you make the right decisions in your life and that includes the person you wanna be with."

"You have a lot more faith in me than I do," Beca said. She wasn't disappointed, exactly, but this turned out easier than she'd imagined it. It was a little of a let-down, and yet in a positive way. It was positive, she had to remind herself. Her mom still loved her and she liked Chloe. That was good, but, she reminded herself, it wasn't all that had worried her.

"How do you think Grant will react?" she asked.

She didn't need to look as hard as before to see a reaction now. Her mom took a deep breath, then bit her lip. "You know about Sebastian?" she asked.

"Yes, I do. I wasn't sure you did," Beca said.

Grace nodded.

"Your husband is a homophobe."

"He's not...," but Grace didn't finish the sentence, before sighed rather disheartened. "We've talked about this, you know. Before we got married and still. It's... I guess it's the only topic we disagree on."

"It's not just a topic, mom. It's part of your life. It's part of everybody's life. He's his friggin' son."

"I know and, believe me, I tried to... get him to reconsider, call Sebastian. I've not given up yet, either."

Beca felt her mother's heartache as her own. It was something, she was always able to do. When her mom was truly unhappy about something, Beca felt the same way. But this time, it was also about her. She was so worried about the possibility of her mom not accepting her that she hadn't even thought about the known fact that Grant wouldn't accept her. But now she had to:

"What about me?"

Grace looked at her. "You're my daughter. He's got to accept-"

"No, he doesn't," Beca said. "He doesn't have to accept me, that's the point. You could tell him tonight and he will probably throw me out within ten minutes."

The truth shocked them both into silence.

"Then I'm not gonna tell him," Grace finally said, her voice flat.

"It's not a solution, mom. I'm not gonna stay in the closet just to please your husband."

"I know that, honey, and I'm not gonna ask you to. I just... I need time to tell him. And I want you here this week, all week. Do you think... can we do that? Just this week?"

It seemed impossible. Even though Beca wasn't sure about her feelings, even though she didn't know which or even if she wanted to adopt a queer label for herself, she felt a resistance against being in a closet. She was wondering how she'd lived in this house for a year knowing what Grant had done to his son, how she'd met him cordially after she'd become a Bella. She didn't know anymore, she couldn't imagine doing it again. But as she looked at her mom, she knew she had to make a compromise - for her. Her mom was coming through for Beca, she accepted her. Now she needed to do this for Grace.

"All right."

Grace smiled, tears brimming in her eyes. She pulled Beca into a hug, a long-overdue hug, as Beca felt. "I love you so much, honey."

"I love you too, mom."

And yet, there was a bitter taste at the back of her throat. Compromises sure didn't taste like waffles.


	18. Chapter 18

**N/A: So this is also one long one - another talk. I wouldn't say it's all fluff, but there's some of that going on, just so you know.**

* * *

It was already noon when Beca finally sank onto her bed with her phone in her hands. Her mom had gone to work at the museum. They'd talked more and Beca felt emotionally drained. She'd told her mom about her insecurity about her feelings, the way it took her forever to figure out what she wanted. And Grace had asked her some tough questions, questions Beca didn't have all the answers to yet. But Grace had said it was okay, she didn't need to have all the answers at once.

The talk had certainly helped, though Beca - and she felt also her mom - felt dissatisfied about the Grant-situation. She would have to trust her mom on this, let her solve the problem with her husband.

Beca sent a text to Chloe:

 _Got a little time?_

The answer was her phone vibrating as a call came in a few mintues later.

"Hey." Beca felt rather shy now that she'd talked to her mother about her feelings for Chloe so openly.

"Hey, you okay?"

Beca chuckled. "Yeah, I think I'm okay. And so is my mom, by the way."

Chloe let out a string of whoops and Beca now laughed.

"You can say it now," Beca offered when Chloe ended her impromptu party.

"Say what?"

"I told you so."

"Ha, no. I mean, of course, I was right about your mom, but I guess it could've gone both ways. But somehow I doubted it. I mean, what can I say, you're just too loveable."

"Cute, but I really wanna thank you, Chlo. For being there for me, for being patient and... loving. You're the best friend anyone could have," she said. And after just a beat she added: "And a great kisser, too."

"Whatever else happens between the two of us, Becs, I'll always be your friend."

"Good, 'cause I haven't even started to think about coming out to my dad."

"Oh, Ken'll be cool. I mean, he teaches literature. He's got gay students every year, all year."

"Don't you think it'll be a bit different when his daughter comes out to him?"

"Personally, I think he was more shocked when I suggested that Binx Bolling was gay," Chloe joked.

Beca couldn't help but laugh. "I'm not pretending to know who that is, but I guess it's a character in a book?"

"Yeah, one of his favorites. But I made a good argument and got an A on the paper."

"Of course you did," Beca said. She found herself smiling. She wasn't as anxious about telling her dad as she was about telling her mom. He hadn't signified as much in her life since the divorce and their relationship had only improved since she's gone to college at Barden. Also, she would only tell him when she was sure about her feelings, while her mom was the one she had wanted help from to figure some things out. It was the way she related to her parents.

"I think you're right, he's gonna be cool with it. Not so sure about Sheila, though. She's on the conservative side."

"Like you mom's husband?"

Beca felt that weight resettle on her shoulders. "Yes, but I guess also a little different. I mean, I don't think about visiting my dad in the same terms as visiting my mom. I probably wouldn't stay with them, but with Amy and Flo when I go back there, you know? But here..."

"Are you gonna tell him? Your mom's husband?"

"She asked me to wait. She wants to talk to him when I'm gone. And, you know, I understand that. She wants to have this week and then have me safe in Atlanta before she tells him, talks to him about me and Sebastian, I guess. It just makes me a little... impatient, I guess."

There was a silence from the other end of the line, it lasted too long for Beca's comfort.

"I understand that. You wanna confront him, because you know he's a phobe."

"I wouldn't...," but Beca didn't finish the sentence. In a way, Chloe was right. There was a distinct feeling of rebellion against his views, against what he'd done to his son. She would really like to give him some piece of her mind, even if it was just on behalf of Sebastian, or Cynthia Rose, or Jesse, or Chloe, or anyone else she knew who was gay and was subjected to the kind of phobia Grant was spewing.

"I kinda got into that mood when I came out. I mean, my parents were cool. So was Tom, but David had a hard time. I mean, he's only two years younger than me and was a sophomore when I was a senior, same high school. And the boys in his class talked about me and not very nicely. So, David said he wished I was normal. I'd just been waiting for that kind of bull and I put him down good. He was beside himself, I was furious. I had almost graduated by the time we mended fences, but, of course, he's cool with it now, because he's my brother and he loves me. He couldn't care less with whom I'm happy as long as I am. It was the circumstances." Beca had met David when he visited Barden her second year of college. He was a really nice guy and some of the girls had had a crush on him.

"It's not even about me, you know? I can't really fathom that I lived in the same house with him before I went to college. That I let him get away with being a phobe. It just feels wrong."

"Yeah, but it's not really for you to say what his feelings should be toward homosexuality or even his son," Chloe said.

"But shouldn't I be... out and proud?"

"Not at your own risk, Beca. It's great that you want to... be out and proud, really." Beca could hear the big smile in her words. "But you don't have to expose yourself to potential threats. You also don't have to be the gay voice with everyone, everywhere you go. I'm not telling you to go into the closet, okay? But be smart with whom you argue. Be aware of dangers and also of potential allies. Your mom is married to the guy, she has to live with him after you left. I think it's only fair that she should talk to him."

"Hm. I just... I wanna tell him how little say he has in who I am, who anybody is. I mean, why is anybody's sexuality even his concern?" Beca asked the one question that had always puzzled her.

"Who knows? Maybe he thinks his religion gives him the right to judge, or his puzzlement at other people's feelings. Maybe he's angry because he's a closeted gay himself."

"Now that's twisted."

"Yeah, but some people don't allow themselves to be happy, so they don't want other people to be happy either."

Beca pulled a pillow onto her chest and squeezed it. She felt incredibly sad about all this. She was also mad and desperate to solve this problem. She didn't want her mom to be unhappy with her husband. Why couldn't he just chill?

"I wish you were here right now," she found herself saying without having thought about it. She blushed, but she could hear Chloe smiling over the line. There was a kind of purr and she could hear Chloe move.

"That would be nice," Chloe confirmed.

"I... I really need one of your hugs."

"And some kisses?" Chloe asked teasingly, but hopeful as Beca found.

"Probably, yeah."

"I'm so happy you're opening up to me, B. I... I know you need time, but you're taking big steps and I couldn't be prouder."

Beca closed her eyes and squeezed the pillow a bit tighter to her chest. "I never meant to make you unhappy, Chlo."

"Oh, I know that, love. Don't worry about it, 'kay?"

"I do worry about it. I worry about everything. Did you read my text to the Bellas earlier?"

"Yeah, I did. It was really sweet. Have they answered yet?"

"I heard from almost everyone. Lilly takes her time, she probably hasn't even read it yet. And Amy... well, looks like she's holds out. I think I really hurt her, because I made her feel like it's none of her business." Beca sighed.

"She loves you, so she feels like it is her business."

"But how could I have told her when I didn't even allow myself to... think about... you and me. I mean... I just couldn't."

"What scared you the most about that, Beca? I mean, was it just that your mom might not understand?"

Beca thought about that question. For a long while they were both silent.

"It was so sudden, Chlo, and so... violent. I mean... I've never felt anything even closely like that before. You were just there, always, and so close and I reacted... my body did, and that had never happened. Jesse was just... he was safe."

Another silence as Beca waited for an answer.

"I was surprised too. I mean, I've... I've been in love, B. Kinda often, I guess. I'd been with some people, I wouldn't say a lot, but maybe some people would say that. I'm just... I like a lot of people and I'm not gonna apologize for it, but... when I met you something instantly clicked. I didn't just want you the way I had wanted other people. I wanted to have you close. I wanted you to be part of something that was so important to me - the Bellas. I saw you and wanted you to be interested in music and singing. When you said, you didn't sing, it kinda crushed me."

"Dude," Beca exclaimed.

"Too much?"

Beca chuckled. "Yeah, kinda, but... I guess I knew some of it already. You were right, you know, we do know each other a lot better than just... hours spent rehearsing. Or even parties we went to. I know how you feel, kinda known from the start... it was just too much to process. In a way, it still is."

"I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

"Not your fault. I'm rather overwhelmed by my own feelings. I'm not really good at them."

"Mh, now that's a big surprise," Chloe teased. But then there was a long pause again. "I like you, Beca, I more than like you. But that all means nothing if we're not friends."

"You still want some, though, right?" Now it was Beca who teased, but it kind of fell flat. She flinched. "Sorry, I... that was stupid."

"Don't worry about it, 'cause you know, yeah, I want some from you. And how!"

Beca felt her throat dry up and had to swallow hard. Chloe sure knew how to do this better than she did. How did she do it?

"But nothing's gonna happen until you feel comfortable with yourself and your feelings, Becs. I knew that... well, us kissing was kinda... you know, we were drunk the first time and that's just not how I want us to be together. I want us sober and into it and totally... aware of how we feel. What we want. How much... God, this is making me kinda horny." She chuckled and sounded embarrassed. Beca thought it adorable, and also super hot.

"Yeah, same here," she admitted.

"Well, I really want you. And I want you to want me. Until then... well, color me patient. Not too patient, because I've really come to like kissing you, so..."

"There's gonna be some of that, I'm pretty sure. Or a lot. A lot is better."

They were both laughing, a little silly, a little embarrassed.

"Now I really wanna see you," Beca said and sighed.

"And I you, but I think it may be good that you're with your mom and figure things out without me being there. I don't wanna put any pressure on you. I know it's still hard."

Beca nodded. "Yeah, it is, but a lot of things are also clearer now. I wish I could... explain it all to you, you know. I feel like I can't, that I don't make any sense, because feelings make so little sense to me."

"I understand, B. We'll be talking, I promise, but take your time. It'll get clearer and better and then... I can't wait to see you at CR's wedding."

"Same."

"Are you tired? You sound tired."

Beca was turning onto her side. She felt drained, that was true. All the emotions were now turning her thoughts into mush.

"Yeah, I am."

"It's okay. Take a nap. It's a lot to process."

"Yeah, it is, but Chlo?"

"Yeah, princess?"

Beca chuckled at the unlikely nickname. "I like you too." It sounded a little lame and she hoped that Chloe understood.

By the smile she could hear over the line, she did. "I'm happy. Now, get some sleep. Call me whenever you need, okay? I wanna know how it goes."

"I will. And you call me, whenever."

"I will. Sweet dreams, B."

There were sappy answers Beca could've given, but none sounded right in her head. "I wish you were here to hold me," she then said what she felt.

"Me too."

And with that Beca closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

The vibration of her phone woke her as it was very close to her head. Beca started up off the pillow, but the world turned a little fuzzy and she lay back down.

"Urgh." By the light in the room it was just getting dark outside. Twilight. And her phone vibrated some more; she had a call. As she looked at her lighted display, she saw that it was from Amy.

She picked up. "Amy, hey."

"Hey, Bster, you sound weird. You all right?"

"Ah, yeah, I..." She pushed herself up and put her pillow against the hardboard, leaning against it. "Sorry, I just woke up."

"Sleeping in the middle of the day, that doesn't sound like you."

"It was kinda a long day, Amy, but I'm glad you called. You still mad?"

Amy sighed. "You know I can't really be mad at you long. I'm just a tiny bit disappointed. A tiny Beca-shaped bit."

"You know, Amy, I... these things are not easy. You need to cut me a little slack here."

"I just want you to be happy, Beca. You and Chloe. And you can hang up on me now, but I think you would make each other inexplicably and indescribably - is that a word? - and just fucking-aca-some happy."

"Indescribably is a word, but fucking-aca-some might not be," Beca joked, but it fell flat on both sides. "Listen, Amy, I'm... I'm getting there, okay? But I have to figure some things out. That's why I'm at my mom's right now. I visited Chloe yesterday and we talked. We might also have kissed, but I'm telling you this in confidence, so please, no word to the others. And, well, Chloe is patient. And I'm asking the same thing of you, okay?"

"You really kissed?"

Now it was Beca's turn to sigh, but it was accompanied by a goofy smile. "Sure did. It was really nice."

"Like kissing-my-former-boyfriend-who-turned-out-to-be-gay-nice or accidently-dropped-my-pants-there-somewhere-nice?"

Beca chuckled. "Somewhere in between, but... I guess more to the pants-dropping-like-y-ness."

"Ha, totally called that. You're gay for Chloe. Not that that's any surprise, really, you guys couldn't keep your hands and eyes off each other for four years. It was beginning to become sad."

Beca leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. "Thanks, Amy. Why don't you tell me a little more about how stupid I was?"

"Like a sitcom or crime show where the hot female lead likes the dopey dude who's tagging along, that kind of sad. Or, you know, my cousin who's had this crush on a girl... oh, no wait, she was like 12 and he was 18, nevermind. But, you know, sad like Ashton Kutcher marrying Demi Moore before finally realizing he liked Mila Kunis whom he's been snogging in that 70s Show, that sad."

"I think that particular example might have been more like your cousin's, but anyway. I get it, okay? But that doesn't make me... I can't just jump into this. It's too scary."

"But it's Chloe, B. She's about as scary as a tiny horde of puppies licking and nipping at your feet. You're not afraid of dogs, though, right? I mean, I guess then it would be a little scary."

"No, I'm not scared of dogs, but sometimes I'm scared of - or oblivious to - feelings."

There was silence on the other end of the line. Amy seemed to think about it, or maybe she just got distracted from the conversation. It happened with her. "I'm sleeping with Bumper again," she finally said.

"Oh." Beca wasn't sure what else to say to that revelation.

"It was only one time, though, and not especially good. I don't know maybe he isn't really good in bed, maybe I just thought that because... well, feelings and all that. He's got a talented tongue, though, and he makes the cutest sound when..."

"TMI, Amy, please."

"Oh, yeah, I'm oversharing again, sorry. What I'm saying is, I'm a little confused at the moment, too. And I kinda need your advice."

"Are you asking me if you should get back with Bumper?"

"Nah, I'm not gonna get with a lying, cheating bastard, but I like the sexy-times... some of it. Should I just keep him for that?"

"Can you get better from somebody else?"

"Yeah," Amy said without hestitation.

"Then let him go. You know how he is with you. He loves you and he'll just want more at some point. It'll get complicated, you'll give in, and in the end, he might cheat again. Do you wanna go through all that again?"

"You can really bum a girl out, you know that?"

"You asked, Amy," Beca reminded her.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't what I wanted to hear."

"Well, then go at it, Amy. I'm sure there'll be no consequences, no problems stemming from you having sex with your ex who cheated on you and is still hopelessly in love with you." The sarcasm, of course, was dripping from that answer.

"Yes, that's what I wanted to hear."

Beca chuckled. "Be careful, though, yeah?"

"I'm gonna protect my heart real good. My pussy? Meh," Amy said. She seemed positive that this would work. She was always just jumping in. Sure, there would be a mess, but Amy could deal with messes. Or she would ignore it and go on with her life.

Beca kind of wished she'd be able to do that too. Then maybe she would be with Chloe right now and not alone in her old room at her mom's. But, of course, she wanted to be here. She wanted to visit her mom, get her things for her apartment in Atlanta. But, she found, she also wanted to be with Chloe. She missed her.

"You okay there, tiny captain?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I was just... I miss Chloe."

"Well, there's trains and planes and... there's nothing to that rumor that you're secretely Spider-Girl, is there? 'Cause then you could just... swing through the streets and to her?"

"Spider-Girl? I'm pretty sure there's not such rumor, Amy."

"Yeah, well, then be oblivious to your superhero-potential. But if you're ever bitten by a venomous spider, don't look at me to suck it out. Not gonna do it, my friend."

Beca shook her head. "I think I'm gonna go now. My mom's probably back from work and I'm kinda hungry."

"Oh, okay. So, remember: Chloe = puppies, loving and licking... uh, I mean, she loves you. We all do, you know. We didn't mean to gang up on you. We just meant to help Chloe out."

"I understand, Amy. And I also know that you all love me. And I love you, too."

"Well, good. 'Course you can't have a piece of me, 'cause I'm not really into that... well, I guess, I could make an exception for Charlize Theron... she's kinda hot, yeah? But I think it's much better if you concentrate on Chloe, 'cause I'm sure she'll drop those panties if you just..."

"None of your business, Amy."

"Right. We're good, right?"

Beca smiled. "Yeah, we're good. We'll see each other in two weeks at CR's wedding."

"If not earlier. If you need backup, or whatever, you can always call. Day and night."

"Okay. And go easy on Bumper."

"Ha, he doesn't deserve easy."

"Bye, Amy."

"Bye, little Bee."

Beca disconnected the call and just sat for a moment in the semi-darkness that was slowly turning to full darkness. She heard noises from downstairs. It was time to face the world again, the world where Grant was still a phobe and she wasn't to tell him she was kinda gay for her best friend.

* * *

Coming down the stairs, she heard somebody putter around in the kitchen. She hoped that it meant that there was going to be food in her immediate future. No smells yet, though. Beca made a face and pushed the kitchen door open.

"Hey, mom."

"Honey, hey. I was upstairs earlier, but all was so quiet, I thought you were working."

"Nah, I actually fell asleep while talking to Chloe on the phone."

Grace turned and smiled at Beca. "And how is Chloe?"

"She's good. She says 'hi'." While Chloe hadn't actually said that, she probably wished she had. Beca was positive that Chloe was quite grateful that Grace accepted her, and so was Beca. She walked up to her mom and kissed her on the cheek. They shared a knowing smile.

"What's for dinner?" she then asked. Her mom was putting away groceries and Beca had high hopes that maybe she would be making one of Beca's favorites.

Her mom, though, just looked at a package of cookies she'd wanted to put in the cupboard and instead threw it onto the counter in front of Beca.

"Seriously?" Beca asked.

Grace laughed at her stunned face. "No, of course not. But I'm not really in the mood for cooking. Work was... some people, you know. I texted Grant and he promised to get takeout."

"From that Indian place near his office?" Beca asked, hopeful.

"Oh, they shut down almost two years ago, honey."

"No," Beca whined.

"'Fraid so, but there's a sushi place on his way home, so..."

Beca instantly perked up. "Mhhmm, great, sushi." And then she lost herself looking at the counter. Sushi reminded her of Chloe, because she was the one making her eat it for the first time, discovering a new favorite. Beca sighed. Chloe was linked to all kinds of tastes and sounds and... okay, now, that sounded kind of naughty. Beca blushed.

"You okay, Beca?"

Beca looked up and into her mom's inquisitive face. It wore a smile and Beca had the feeling - as she sometimes had - that her mom could read her mind. She blushed some more and rubbed at her cheeks.

"Urgh, just... all kinds of things make me think of Chloe."

"That's 'cause you're in love," her mom said. It sounded very not-complicated when her mom just said it, but Beca hadn't put it quite like that yet.

"I'm... I...," she sputtered. "You're evil," she accused her mom when she started laughing.

"There's no malicious intent, honestly, honey. I just enjoy... you being... completely enamoured."

Their conversation was cut short when they both heard the front door and Grant. "I'm home."

"We're in the kitchen."

Beca snatched up the cookies her mom had thrown toward her. She wanted to stuff something in her mouth just so that she wouldn't have to talk to Grant. But the first cookie hadn't even made it to her mouth when Grant came in and said:

"Don't ruin your appetite, Beca, I've brought Chinese."

"Chinese? Sushi?"

"You wanted sushi? I... went to that great Chinese place you like so much."

"Oh. Oh, yeah, great, that one." Beca didn't even especially like that place. It was just because it was the first place Grant had taken them after she'd met him. Of course, she'd said she liked the place just to make him feel welcome and now he always made them eat there when Beca was in town. Beca just barely kept from rolling her eyes, but then she found her mom looking at her thoughtfully.

"You know who I met at work today?"

"Who?"

"George."

"Seriously? What's he doing at the museum?"

"What do people do at museums? They look at the displays."

Beca frowned. Her old friend George wasn't really somebody she would have suspected spent a lot of time at a museum. History had never really been his thing. Or any other subject at school, she remembered.

"He comes in every now and then. We always talk a little, I think he misses you. I gave him your number, by the way."

"Seriously?"

Her mom nodded and Beca smiled. She put the cookies down on the counter. "Excuse me," she said and walked back up to her room. Her display didn't show any new calls or texts and she was a little disappointed. She took the phone down with her as she sat down with her mom and step-dad to eat. Five minutes into a quiet, kind of bland meal, it vibrated.

"George," she said as she read the text.

 _Hey Bee, ran into your mom today and she gave me the number. You wanna meet? I'm at the playground right now. I give you 20 minutes._

"He wants to meet. Is it okay if I go?"

"What about your dinner?" Grant asked at the same time as Grace said:

"Sure, honey, go ahead."

"Thanks mom." And without even looking over at Grant she left the table and went upstairs to change.


	20. Chapter 20

**N/A: It's taking a little longer now, sorry. But I'll try to stay with it. Well, here's another chapter and I hope you like George.**

* * *

When Beca arrived at the playground, darkness had fully descended. She used her iPhone's flashlight app to guide her steps over the uneven grassy ground, humming Emily's song under her breath.

The flicker of a lighter caught her attention. It shone where she suspected the swings were at, but she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about anything in this dense, quiet dark. How'd they maneuvered this terrain when they were teens?

"George? That you?"

"Hey, Queen Bee." There was a smile in George's voice, she could tell. Probably because of the nickname which had never suited her. She hadn't been popular in high school.

"Has it always been this dark, man?"

He chuckled. "I don't know. Maybe our eyes are already getting worse."

"Are you implying that we're getting old?" She was now almost at where the flame of the lighter had turned into the glow of a cigarette.

"Just older, Bee."

She nodded as her phone showed the swing's frame. She turned it off as she could now navigate by touch and memory. She found her swing, the lower one, next to where George sat. She found his hand and patted it, before she sat down.

"Wow," Beca breathed. "I wouldn't have thought I'd ever come back here. We could've met somewhere else, you know. Somewhere with electricity and maybe food and drink."

"Yeah, I know. I just... I was getting a little nostalgic when your mom said you were here and that I should call you."

"Wait, she asked you to call me?"

George took a pull of his cigarette - or maybe it was something a little different. Beca took a whiff of air, but couldn't detect any marihuana.

"I gave up weed a while ago, Bee. And yeah, your mom said to call you. She actually sought me out, since she knows I come in every Wednesday."

"Huh, that's curious," Beca said.

"That I spend so much time at the museum? I go there during my lunch hour since my office is pretty much across from the place."

"No, that my mom went to find you and told you to call me."

George kept quiet for a long moment, Beca could only hear him inhale the smoke from his cigarette and the shuffling of his feet on the sandy ground under the swings.

"You wanna walk?" he then asked her.

"Sure. Where to?"

"Wherever. Come on, Bee, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Gone since you tried to pull me into that tattoo parlor on Madison, remember? That place was filthy."

"And you saved me from a certain infection with hepatitis. I'm really grateful. Grateful enough, in fact, to promise to not get you into trouble."

Beca had to chuckle. They'd never gotten into much trouble together. Despite the fact that she'd looked like a rebel with her excessive use of eye-liner and George tended to have impulsive, sometimes crazy ideas, they'd both been good kids. Sure, they'd smoked some weed, they'd also gotten tattoos, but compared to many of their classmates they rebelled in moderation.

They took a different path that led them onto a different street than the one Beca had come from. As they neared a street light, Beca looked over at her old friend and stopped short.

"What the hell, Georgie? Where's the rest of you?" she asked.

George laughed. "Lost a few pounds since we last saw each other, sweet."

"A few?"

"Around 60."

"I'd say. Dude, you look good." She gripped his arm and then pulled him to her. She hugged him. From up close she looked up at him. He wasn't just thinner, he also wore his hair differently, cropped short. He wore a light jacket over a jean shirt, dark, tight jeans. He looked very different from the teen who graduated with her.

"Thanks, Bee. You look great, too, by the way. Your mom told me to watch all those vids from your performances, so I was quite prepared for adult you, you know?"

"What is this? You and my mom bffs now?" They resumed their walk.

"No, not that, but I always liked her and we always talk when we see each other at the museum."

"I don't remember you being interested in history."

"Well, I got interested when I started volunteering with the NAACP. I'm working for them now."

"Really? That's amazing. What do you do?"

"I'm coordinating volunteers and interns, work with some organizations who donate. People from the old neighborhood come to me with their concerns. I'm mainly just working with people."

Beca shook her head. "You weren't exactly a people-person back when."

"Yeah, well, I changed a lot since then. Got more comfortable with myself. I guess you could say I started liking people when I started liking myself. Took me awhile though."

Beca looked over at George. Since they were walking on the sidewalk now, she could see him very clearly. She looked him up and down and spotted a pin on his right side breast pocket - a rainbow. Beca stopped.

"You're gay," she said.

He turned to her, smiling. "Yes, I am."

"So that's why my mom wanted you to talk to me, huh?"

"Actually, she didn't say why. She just told me to call you, talk to you. And I would've done it anyway, because I always kinda missed you when you were here. Which I think was twice in the last four years, yeah? You know, you could've called me. I would've loved to hear from you."

Beca cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, George. I... I wasn't sure where we stood after I left."

"What, did you think I was in love with you? We only made out a couple of times, it wasn't really something to write home about."

"I know, but I wasn't sure how you felt. I guess it's kinda obvious now, though? Did you... think you might be gay back then?"

He gave her a small smile, then he interlinked their arms and pulled her on. He took his time answering. "Yeah, kinda," he finally admitted. "I mean, I hadn't really formed the words, even in my head. But... I'd noticed some things about... my likings, I guess. And I was scared."

"So, you kissed me to find out?"

"No, I kissed you because I loved you, Bee. I mean, I wasn't in love with you, I know that now, but I loved you. You were my best friend and I thought if I loved you I couldn't be gay."

"Could've been bi, though."

George chuckled. "Yeah, like we thought that was an actual thing back then. And just for the record: I'm gay, not bi. No chicks for me."

"Hm," Beca made. She wasn't sure if she wanted to discuss her own sexuality. It seemed she'd been thinking about nothing else for months and she wasn't really any closer to defining her own... wants and needs. Except for wanting and needing Chloe, that was.

"You have a boyfriend?" he asked casually.

"No. My ex, Jesse, we broke up when he went to California." And after a pause she added. "He came out to me before he left."

"Was it a shock?"

Beca took a deep breath. "No, I guess not really. I mean, it's not like... I'm not sure... we were... I guess we were kind of a boring couple, but I thought... I'm not sure what I thought."

"Maybe you thought that there was time for passion later?"

Beca sighed. "Whatever. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"As a matter of fact," he said, smiling confidently at her.

"Of course you do. Look at you, you're gorgeous." She couldn't help her own smile. Beca was happy to see George again, she was happy that he was happy, because he hadn't been when they were teens. While they never talked about it much, she knew that he'd been prone to depression during their last two years of high school.

"So are you, Bee. So is there a girl?"

"Didn't my mom tell you?"

"I swear, Beca, Grace didn't tell me anything about this. You were the one who said that's why she wanted me to talk to you. But if you don't wanna talk about it..." He lifted his hands and she knew he was giving her an out. The question was whether she wanted to take it or not.

They'd been such good friends a couple of years ago, but she hadn't been constant. She'd been selfish and confused about a couple of make-out sessions they'd had shortly before she left for Barden. It had been fairly innocent, because they'd both been mostly innocent. It had just changed their friendship and Beca had wished at the time that they hadn't been so stupid. Now there was a chance to get her friend back.

"There's a gi... woman. My best friend, Chloe. She's..." Beca sighed again.

"She's a Bella, too, isn't she? Pretty redhead?"

"Ye-ah," Beca said slowly, looking over at George.

"Told you I watched those a-cappella vids. You guys sound great together."

"Ha, yeah. You shoulda heard us in the shower." Beca stopped walking and closed her eyes in embarrassment.

"In the shower?" George was laughing. "And here I thought you might have a hard time coming out."

"Oh, stop laughing. She... Okay, I'm telling you the whole story, if you want to. But you better have some great advice when I'm finished."

"I'd say that if you had her in the shower you don't really need any advice."

Beca groaned.

"All right, but spare me details, please. I'm a virgin when it comes to vaginas."

"Yeah, so am I," Beca said as she pulled George into a bar.

* * *

It was two hours later and Beca was on her way to getting good and drunk. But she'd shared a lot of what'd been going on with her and Chloe. She'd also told George of her confusion with Kommissar - the leader of the German a-cappella group Das Sound Machine.

"You know, I didn't tell anyone, not even Chlo, but after we won, during the party after... well, I was looking for the ladies' rooms and Kommissar came out of nowhere and... well, she smiled at me and I don't even know, she kissed me... it happened so fast and I was kinda drunk and I'm not even sure, I mean, I am sure that it wasn't a hallucination, still... it was intense and then she said: Congrats, feisty mouse - and was gone. It was weird."

George laughed. "What's weird is that name Kommissar. You know that's like a detective here, right?"

Beca shook her head. "Didn't know that. But I didn't really think that was her real name, either."

George waved at the waitress. "Have another?" He pointed at her mostly empty mug.

"I probably shouldn't, man."

"We'll have two more," George confidently told the waitress and laughed at Beca's face.

"He trying to getting you drunk, girl?" the waitress asked Beca.

Beca looked up at her, noticed how cute she was. She gave Beca the smallest of winks and Beca felt her insides melt. The gorgeous woman was flirting with her. "Nah, he's all right. A good friend."

"All right, but I'm keeping my eye on you." She wasn't looking at George either, but at Beca.

"Damn," George said when the waitress had left them again. "You're a tiny ladies magnet. She's fine."

"That she is, but..." Beca pouted. "Not Chloe."

"Well, there's no rule that says you can't explore a little while you here. If I were straight, I'd totally tap that."

"And that's the difference between men and women, I guess."

"If there is one," George said wisely.

"You don't think?"

George shrugged as the waitress came back with their beers, but also placed two tequilas on the table. "These are on the house," she said, winking again at Beca.

"Who's trying to get her drunk now?" George asked and saw both his friend and the waitress blush.

"If you need anything else," she said to Beca and left them again.

"Whoo, she's intense," George remarked.

"Yeah," Beca said weakly as she followed the woman with her eyes. She shook her head at herself and reached for her phone. She turned it on and started looking through her pictures. There was one from Copenhagen - she'd thought of making it her background but then thought it would be too obvious. She showed it to George. It was just a pic of Chloe, smiling at Beca, but the look in her eyes... it was all there. And Beca had looked at it probably a dozen times each day since the World Championship.

"That's love, dude," George said.

Beca nodded. "I know." She pulled her sleeve from her arm. "Lookit, I got goosebumps. She's doing that to me, man. I can't even think of others... like not girls or boys. I think that's why I'm so confused, because I don't even feel gay, I just feel that Chloe is it. Like forever. That's so frightening."

"I bet but..." He looked at her earnestly. "Isn't it also amazing? How do you guys say it: aca-awesome?" He grinned at her.

Beca shrugged and looked down at her phone. Her whole upper body seemed fluttery looking at Chloe, like she could just grow wings and fly away. Fly to her. She closed her eyes at the nonsense her mind was thinking, but yeah, that was how it felt. She pushed a few button on her phone.

"What're you doing?" George asked, but Beca turned away, her phone pressed to her ear.

"Oh my God, your're not..."

"Beca?"

Beca held George who was trying to take her phone from her at bay. "Hey, Chlo," she said into the phone. "I just wanted..." she took a deep breath. "I'm almost drunk, you know, but I just... I..." But she couldn't say it. Her alcohol-induced bravado left her hanging and she swallowed. "I just wanted to hear your voice. I like hearing your voice."

Chloe laughed. "That we can always manage, I guess. Why're you almost drunk?"

"I'm at a bar with a friend and he's... getting me drunk. Together with the cute waitress," Beca added, then rolled her eyes at herself.

George had given up trying to get the phone from her. As she looked at him now he hung his head in second-hand shame, shaking it. She was screwing up, she knew.

"Really? That sounds... kinda worrisome. Should I call your mom to get you?"

"No, it's all right. George is gay and the waitress... well, she's not you, so..."

Silence on the other end and Beca bit her lip. _Fuck, I'm screwing this up bad._ "I guess that's why they say not to make drunk calls, right?"

"Becs, you can always call, you know that."

"Yeah, I know, but I guess I shouldn't always. I just miss you and kinda wish... George says hi, he thinks you're pretty. And he says our voices sound really good together."

"He should've heard us in the shower."

Beca had to laugh at that. "That's what I said... and then he made me tell him why we were in the shower together..."

Chloe was laughing too. "Quite the story, hm?"

"Yeah, one to tell our grandchildren one day."

"We're gonna have grandkids?"

Beca's mouth fell open. Had she really said that? A look over at George showed him shaking with laughter. She hit him repeatedly. He tried fending her off, but he never stopped laughing.

"Why is the earth never going to open up when one needs it?"

Chloe was laughing too. "It's okay, B. We can talk about grandchildren on our, say, second date."

"Yeah, if I ever make it to the first," Beca said and sighed.

"Oh, you will. I was thinking about that, actually. Would you like to... go to CR's wedding together? As in a date?"

"You... You're... like asking me out?"

"Yes," Chloe said. "You don't have to answer now. I don't want you to just say it 'cause, you know, you're drunk or something. Think about it, k?"

"Yeah, I... I will think about it. That'd be totes awesome tho, yeah? Like... whoa, everybody would know at once."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed.

"Wow. I... I'm gonna think about it. I... I really miss you, Chlo. I wanna..." But Beca felt unable to say anything she wanted. It was so frustrating and she felt heat engulf her head. She frowned. "I'm such a coward, Chlo, I know..."

"No, B, you're not. You're being very brave. I know you need to figure things out. It's all right."

"I wish it wouldn't take me so long. And I wanna... I wanna go to CR's wedding with you. I want you... I... to be my date, I mean. Really."

She could hear Chloe smile, it was her favorite sound.

"Why don't you call me tomorrow and tell me again, all right?"

"You think I'm too drunk, but I'm not that drunk."

"I think you're trying to jump ahead to a place where you're comfortable with being out, and that's not how it works. Sorry."

Chloe was only being honest, but it did hurt Beca a little. She was right, though. Beca wanted to be ready, because she knew she had all those feelings for Chloe. They scared her, sure, but they also wanted to come out - or maybe they wanted her to come out. Or both. It was overwhelming, but for the first time Beca felt like she wanted to give in instead of pushing back. She wanted to be out, because it meant being with Chloe.

"B? You still there?"

"Yeah, I... I'll call you tomorrow and we talk, okay?"

"Yes."

"Good. Love you, Chlo."

"Love you too, Becs."

Beca pushed the button to end the call and kept staring at her phone. She hadn't looked at George through the rest of the conversation, afraid to see him judge her.

"You guys're pretty adorable," he now said.

Beca looked up.

"Never thought I'd see you this... mushy," he teased and poked her in the arm.

It produced a smile from Beca. "I know, dude, but... it's her fault. She makes a completely different person out of me. And I like that person... I mean, not a different person, more like: me. She pulls me out of me, the real me. I don't know... Chloe's got that power. She does that with everybody, but... she took extra time doing that to me."

"You got it bad, Bee."

Beca closed her eyes. "I know."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: As you probably noticed, it takes me a little longer to update. I'm trying, but life's just... urgh. Hope you're still with me though and that you'll enjoy this short chapter.**

* * *

As she was descending the stairs, Chloe was more concerned with her phone than her surroundings. She also hadn't thought that anyone was still up, but the clearing of a throat made her look up in startled surprise.

"Davie? What're you doing here?"

"I was out this way with friends and didn't wanna make the trip home," her brother said, slipping out of his jacket. He came up the stairs toward her. "What're you doing still up?" He looked at his watch as he stopped beside her.

As she'd been looking at her phone, she already knew it was after two. She hadn't been able to fall asleep after Beca's call and had been looking at pictures on her phone. "I'm a little hungry? Join me for a snack?"

David shrugged. She knew he could always eat and he turned to walk down the stairs with her.

"So what're you looking at there?" he asked and a moment later snatched the phone from her.

"Dave!"

He was laughing as he bounded down the steps. She followed but only caught up with him in the kitchen. He leaned against the kitchen island and evaded her by walking around across from her. He was looking through her photos.

"Are these from Copenhagen?"

"Some of them," Chloe answered and stopped the useless circling. She knew what Davie would discover next.

"Hey, these are all of Beca."

"There're some of the Bellas," Chloe defended herself.

"Like this one?" He turned the phone, smirking. He was showing her a shot of Beca clearly standing between CR and Amy, only there was little of the other two Bellas to see. "Man, I thought you weren't going after straight girls anymore, Chlo?"

"She's not entirely straight, okay?"

"Like Mindy? Candy? What was her name?"

"Nancy," Chloe said and rolled her eyes. "And Beca's not like Nancy. Nancy... she was straight, she just liked... some of the things I could do for her."

"Please, TMI," David pleaded. "Wait, didn't Beca have a boyfriend? Jordon something?"

"Jesse, and they're not together anymore. And now, can I have my phone back?"

David held it out to her over the distance of the kitchen island.

"Put it down," Chloe told him. She knew better than to trust her brother to not pull back as she grabbed for her phone. She knew how these things usually ended: her things got broken and she wasn't taking any chances with her iPhone.

"You don't trust me? That hurts," he said, but put the phone down anyway. Then he took a step back and bowed.

Chloe picked up her phone. "Thank you." She closed the picture file which didn't really alter her view because Beca was still smiling at her from the screen. It made Chloe smile in turn.

"You got it bad, sis."

Chloe looked back up at him, the smile still firmly in place. "I know."

"So, how is she not straight anymore? I mean, I know you've been kind of strangely close the whole time she was there, but... well, I thought that was just you being you." Davie turned and opened the fridge. "There's leftover lasagna. Think mom will forgive us for stealing it?"

"Like she doesn't always forgive YOU for stealing food," Chloe gave back. She took the dish from him and put it in the microwave, choosing the right program as not to burn it.

As the food heated, they busied themselves with plates and cutlery. "Want a beer with it? Or wine?" David asked as he looked into the fridge again.

"Wine," Chloe said and David handed her an open bottle.

He pulled a beer out for himself, opened it and sipped. "So what about Beca?"

Chloe took her time pouring herself a glass of wine. "Do you really wanna hear it?"

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise, would I?"

Since David hadn't been very accepting when Chloe had first come out, she'd never talked to him about her relationships. That he now asked about it was a first. "It's pretty complicated," she told him, gauging his reaction.

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"

"What do you expect me to say, Davie?"

"Anything but that," he gave back.

The microwave beeped and Chloe busied herself with taking their food from it and dishing it onto their plates. She let her piece cool, but David dug right in, burning his mouth.

"Ow." He took a long pull from his beer. "Hot," he said. Then he smiled at her. "Come on, sis, tell me about Beca. We could always talk, you know, back then."

"Back then was before I came out."

"I apologized, haven't I? I really want to know what's going on with you. I mean, you've been here a couple of weeks now and you were mostly sulking. And just now when you came down the stairs you were smiling. What happened?"

Chloe smiled again as she took a sip of her glass. "All right. Beca called earlier. She actually drunk called."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and she was babbling, but mainly I think she just called to talk to me, hear my voice."

"Wow, that's sappy. Didn't think she'd be like that."

Davie and Beca had bonded easily the few times they'd met, but then all the Bellas had adopted him as their little brother. Even Stacie hadn't hit on him, much to David's chagrin.

"She's usually not. I wouldn't say we were 'strangely close' like you did, but we've always been close. Things were just always different with her and I guess I always knew I liked her... in a gay way. But... never acted on it, of course, since she was with Jesse early, and I was with Mark her first year."

"Urgh, that guy was the worst," David said.

"Was not."

"Yeah, he was. He would always leer at you, gross."

Chloe had to laugh. They were talking and eating now, the conversation flowing easily. Chloe couldn't remember when she'd last talked like this with her little brother. And she acknowledged to herself that she'd missed it.

"He was a nice guy. And I liked his leering," she added.

David pretended to vomit which earned him a punch on the arm from his sister. "Stop that."

"Well, it's gross."

"Anyway, I broke up with him because he started leering at other girls. I moved on and... I don't know how to say this... Beca was always there. I mean, of course she was, because we were living together in the Bellas house, but also... I was always aware of her and that I liked her."

"The whole four years? Sounds like you wasted a lot of time on somebody who was with somebody else."

"No, I didn't really. I mean... I wasn't really thinking about it, just aware that the attraction was there. And sometimes... there were moments when it felt like she was feeling it too. We didn't talk about it, it was... actually too close, too comfortable to just be friendship. At other times it was... not comfortable, but really close."

David looked at her suspiciously. "Does that mean... I don't think I wanna know," he quickly changed his mind as she gave him a big grin.

"When we were at Aubrey's power retreat, I told her... well, I said that I wished I had experimented more, but what I meant was that I wished we had... been together, I guess. And that changed some things between us. I mean, we were still close, especially in Copenhagen... before Jesse arrived... but even... Jesse and Beca weren't really very together at that point. I mean, sometimes they behaved more like siblings than lovers."

"Gross," David said.

"No, not like that. They were friends mostly. I think Jesse already suspected that he liked Derek at that point, but wasn't ready to come out."

"Jesse's gay?"

"Hm?" Chloe looked up. She'd been so engrossed in her memories of Copenhagen that she hadn't even followed her own line of conversation. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, he came out to Beca when they broke up."

"Wow! A capella is gayer than I thought it was. I mean even with those Harmonics-guys."

Chloe huffed. "Or maybe that's just us," she said.

David looked at her like he might ask, but then he said: "So, did you like... go for it? In Copenhagen, I mean? Looks like you had a huge crush at that time." He pointed at her phone.

"I think what I was really scared of that last year - besides having to graduate and go out into the world - that I would lose Beca. That just... it was the worst feeling. To not... have been with her, to only ever have wanted her but never having done anything about it. Time was running out, but in Copenhagen we were so close. We shared a room at the hotel - with Amy, too. But... I felt content again, having her so close."

"Do I even wanna know how close?"

Chloe shook her head as she leaned back in her chair and sipped her wine. She'd finished eating. "I didn't do anything. Not until after Jesse and Beca had broken up. We kissed and... Beca totes freaked."

"Seriously? Guess, she didn't actually feel like you did, huh?"

"Well, I think she did, but... her stepdad... he's a phobe and he'd thrown his gay son out. So, she thought that he might do the same with her. And that her mom would be on his side. Well, now she's told her mom that she might be gay and her mom still loves her. And Beca was here and we kissed again and she didn't freak."

"Ah, okay. That's good for her, but... how do you feel? I mean... hell, you waited four years for her? I'd never wait that long for a chick."

Chloe looked at him, unsure if she should say it. She knew she was still holding back so much with Beca because she was afraid to scare her away. She'd also barely admitted to herself how deeply she felt because the possibility of rejection was still so close. But their earlier conversation had shaken something lose. She'd asked Beca out and Beca hadn't said 'no', she'd actually said 'yes'. And even though, Chloe didn't wanna get her hopes up, she couldn't help the happy feelings tugging at her heart.

"You would if she was the right one," Chloe said. She felt her face almost split with her smile.

"And you think Beca's the right one for you? Even though... I mean, you guys haven't yet...?"

"None of your business, Davie!"

David had the decency to blush, but then he looked up at her from beneath his long lashes. "Bet you haven't."

She squinted her eyes at him. "This conversation is so over." Chloe stood and picked up her dirty dishes. She put them in the dishwasher and then took Davie's dishes from him as he stood beside her.

"Hey, sorry, Chlo. I just... I can't say I get it. I mean, Beca's cute, but FOUR YEARS!"

"You're right, you don't get it," Chloe said, closing the dishwasher. "At least not yet." She smiled at him.

"Ha, I bet I never get where I understand four years. That's like tv show romance. Too sappy for me."

Chloe faced her brother, she pulled his hand from his pocket and held it. "You know how I am, Davie, I like people. I like being with people. But I hadn't had a date in... over two years. And I wasn't even unhappy, because... there was always Beca. Even as my best friend... it was better than most relationships I've had. Maybe that sounds pathetic, but... Beca is just that important to me. And I love her, Davie. Even if she will never love me back in... that way-"

"That gay way?"

"Funny," she told him. "Yeah, in a gay way. Even if that never happens, I'll still love her. Just... always."

Davie squeezed her hand. "You're nuts, sis." He smirked. "But it's cool. I mean, I know I wasn't really here for you and I'm sorry. I didn't understand, but I think I kinda do now."

Chloe smiled.

"Gays're just as weird as straights when it comes to love."

They laughed together.

"Yeah, we are."

"Okay, I'm beat. See you in the morning?"

Chloe nodded. David left her in the kitchen and Chloe wiped down the counter and table. She was still smiling and as she went up to her room later, she again had her phone out, looking at Beca's picture.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: The world is crazy right now, I know. All I have to offer, is another chapter of my story. Be safe, everyone.**

* * *

Her head was pounding.

"Ow, fuck," she said and it didn't make it any better. Beca rolled onto her back, her hands holding her head steady because it felt like it might keep rolling. In a way, it still did - the room seemed to be spinning.

And then she heard the faint beeping of her phone.

"Whyyy?" she groaned as even the dampened tone coming from somewhere on the floor hurt her head. She just thought about closing her eyes again and trying to fall asleep was her best option when her stomach lurched.

In a split second, Beca was off the bed and running for the bathroom.

When she wandered back into the bedroom twenty minutes later, the shaking had mostly stopped. She hated throwing up, she hated losing control like this. Sweat was slowly cooling on her skin as she bent for her phone, wondering if it might have been Chloe sending her the text.

It wasn't, it was from George.

 _267-555-0164_ \- was all it said.

Beca sat down on her bed, pushing her hair out of her face. She quickly typed:

 _WTF, dude?!_

She only had to wait seconds, before the answer came.

 _The waitress' number. Her name's Kendra, btw. Just in case. ;)_

"Seriously?"

 _Haven't you been listening at all last night? I'm pretty sure, I told you that I can't think of anyone but Chloe._

Another minute and she had her answer:

 _That's why I wrote 'just in case.' ;) Seriously tho, the girl begged me to give you her number. What was I to do? And she was cute, right?_

Beca had to admit that she was, at least, as far as she could remember. The night seemed a little bit fuzzy around the edges. Had she drunk-called Chloe?

"Oh my God."

 _Did you let me drunk-call Chloe last night? What kind of friend are you?_

She hit send. Just a few seconds later her phone beeped again.

 _The kind of friend who tried to take your phone away, but you hit me. When you start hitting me, you're on your own, Bee. But I don't think it was that bad. She asked you out, after all, so I guess she still likes you. Or did you forget?_

Beca hadn't really forgotten, at least, she was sure she would've remembered once her head stopped pounding. It was already feeling better since she'd found some aspirin in the bathroom. She was pretty sure her mom had left it there on purpose.

 _Okay, you're off the hook. Sorry for hitting you. And thanks for the outing, I think I needed that. XO_

Beca smiled as she leaned back against her headboard. She'd had a lot of fun, even considering the price she was paying now. It felt good to have her friend back.

 _Love you too. Let's do it again soon. Not too soon, though, my head is killing me. Gotta go, I'm at work. XO_

Beca put her phone down and closed her eyes. Maybe she could get some more shut-eye? As the silence in her room continued, she slowly fell asleep.

Another beep roused her a minute later.

"I thought you were working, dude," Beca mumbled as she picked up her phone again. But the text wasn't from George, it was from Chloe this time. Beca felt her face stretch into a wide smile.

 _You up yet?_

Sure, she could've sent an answer via text, but why waste time? Beca called Chloe.

"Hey," Chloe's sweet voice answered. "How're you feeling?"

"Uh, not sure, but it was worse ten minutes ago so I'm faintly grateful and hopeful the worst has passed. You?"

"Good, considering I had too few hours of sleep."

Beca struggled to sit up. "Did something happen?"

"I should say so. My favorite Bella said she would go out with me. That qualifies as something happening, right?" There was a smile in Chloe's voice and hearing it Beca lips answered in kind before turning into a smirk.

"Emily did that, huh? I knew she was after you. I might have to kill her."

Chloe laughed. "You're impossible. Wait... does that mean, you changed your mind?"

"No," Beca quickly said and closed her eyes against the pain in her head. She sighed. "Well, you said we should talk about it some more today, remember?"

"I remember. Was I too hopeful?"

"No, I still wanna go out with you."

Chloe squealed and Beca flinched at the sound. Still, she smiled. Making Chloe happy always made her happy too.

"We're gonna go to the wedding together then?"

"It would be rather fitting, right? I mean, our friends are obviously already shipping us so... well, we could, of course, pretend to be totes not into each other, but that didn't seem to work the first time."

"I never really pretended to not be into you, y'know," Chloe said.

Beca rolled her eyes. "Well, it wasn't all on me. You never said, not in four years. And I don't pick up on signs easily. I just... I mean, I didn't really think that we were just friends, 'cause I've had friends and it was never like that. I thought... being your friend was just different, more."

"My brother said something similar yesterday."

Beca pulled up her blanket, making herself more comfortable. "Tom or Davie?"

"Davie. We talked yesterday, that is, it was last night. I couldn't sleep and he came in after two. We ate lasagna and talked."

"Lasagna at two a.m.? No wonder, you couldn't sleep."

Chloe gave an agreeing huff. "Yeah, well. Small price to pay. It was nice, talking with Davie like in the old times. He's come fully around."

"So, you told him about us?"

"Yeah, I did."

Beca was hesitant. Going by Chloe's tone, she didn't think Davie was against anything that might be blossoming between them, but she wasn't really sure how she felt about him knowing about her. It felt a little intimidating, having people know something so personal about her. Especially people who were related to Chloe and might have a kind of say in her life.

"What, like, what did he say?"

"Well, he couldn't believe I waited four years for you," Chloe said. "I mean..."

Beca blinked and leaned forward onto her legs. "You didn't wait four years for me. How did he get that idea?"

"Uh, I might... I mean, I know it's not like... I phrased it a little differently, but..."

"Chloe?"

"It's just that I might have liked you from the beginning, but never said anything because you were with Jesse. And it really wasn't a big deal, I was with Marc and then there was Lisa and James... I wasn't pining after you, or anything. I mean... not in the beginning."

Beca wasn't sure what to say to that. Looking back at her own feelings, she couldn't really say that they were just friendly. Their relationship began so weirdly, so unexpectedly... she just thought that was how being friends with Chloe worked. That she invited one to be more touchy, a little flirty. And then there were her looks - how could anyone not be attracted to her, even if they were straight, or believed to be straight?

"Oh God, I'm such an idiot!" Beca exclaimed.

"What?! No. Why would you say that?"

"Because I liked you for just as long and was too dense to realize it. How could that have happened?" She put her head in her hand, just barely holding on to her phone, because she wanted the world to open up and swallow her. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Chlo. I was just... oblivious."

"Stop it, Becs. You didn't hurt me... not until we kissed anyway. And then you were confused and that's totes understandable. As I said, I wasn't pining or anything. I just liked you and you were always generous with your attention and friendship. Most of the time, I didn't miss anything else."

Beca sighed. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better, right? I mean... There have been moments, Chloe, for me... Sometimes, I didn't wanna leave your room, your bed when we were talking, you know? And I liked that... you were especially touchy with me, more than with the other Bellas. I liked being close to you." Beca swallowed. She couldn't comprehend how she'd missed all these clues over the years. The way she was sometimes yearning for Chloe's attention, or touch, her presence.

"I know. I always knew."

"You knew I might be gay for you?"

"No, but I always knew that you loved me. I've always felt loved by you. And there were moments for me too... There were moments I almost kissed you, because... because you looked at me in a way that made me think... you wanted me to."

Beca leaned back into her cushions again, sighing deeply. "Why didn't you?"

"You were with Jesse. You'd made your choice and I respected that. At least, until that last year when you guys seemed more like friends. I really don't know what came over me at the retreat, you know? Maybe too much fresh air?"

Beca had to laugh at this. "You were probably afraid that we might not survive Aubrey's horror retreat."

"You're bad," Chloe said and the smile was back in her voice. "Anyway, the last four years were the best of my life. You were a big part of the reason it was and I'm really grateful for your friendship. Don't think your friendship wasn't enough, Becs, because I do cherish it."

"Your friendship means a lot to me too. I just hate thinking that I hurt you because I was being stupid. Or that we might've been together... I don't know."

"B?"

"Hm?"

"What is happening between us now, wouldn't have happened 3 years or 2 or even 1 year ago. It's happening now and I want to enjoy it now. No more talk of the past four years being anything but aca-amazing, 'kay?"

Beca nodded. "Yeah, they were."

"Good. Now, Davie might not understand how two people can be attracted to each other but remain close friends, but we know how weird straight people are."

They were both laughing at that. "The weirdest," Beca agreed. "Was that all he said, though? He didn't pledge to destroy me should I hurt you again, right?"

"No. Not yet, at least. And if he ever says anything like that to you, I give you permission to tell him that I can take care of myself."

"Does that mean you will destroy me if I hurt you?" Beca teased.

"Ha! But no, I'm actually quite confident that you won't hurt me. Ever."

Beca huffed. "No pressure then. Seriously though, I'll never intentionally hurt you."

"I know."

For long moments, they were silent. Beca felt suddenly very tired, but very content just listening to Chloe breathing. It reminded her of those nights she'd mentioned when they would lie on Chloe's bed, facing each other, speaking in low voices about all kinds of stuff. She'd felt content then too, or maybe more than content, happy.

"I think I'm in love with you, Chloe." It was a thought that came sudden and unexpected and Beca wasn't really aware that she'd said it out loud until she noticed how the silence between them had changed. Chloe wasn't breathing anymore. "Chlo?"

"Do you mean that?"

"I... yeah, yeah I do. I'm falling."

The breathing was back and with it the happiness.

"Me too."

* * *

The last few days of Beca's visit at her mom's went by fairly uneventful. Beca was hanging out with George or her mom every chance she got. There were a few other friends she met up with and on the last evening, there was an impromptu party at George's favorite bar. He even called Grace and she and Grant showed up for a short while.

Beca was happy with how things had gone with her mom, though she knew that Grace was worried about Grant. She herself was worried about Grant, about her mom's marriage.

She talked to Chloe every day, sometimes several times. When she finally sat in her mom's car on her way down to Atlanta - following a moving van Grant had rented - she texted her almost non-stop.

Grace had offered to drive her down after Beca had changed her mind about taking her bed with her to Atlanta. Grant had offered to pay for hauling it down to her new home and Beca had accepted - and was only feeling a little guilty about it.

But it was good to have another weekend with just her mom. They talked more about Beca's sexuality, about Grace's worries about Grant, about other stuff they'd never talked about. And Beca was truly happy and reassured that her mom loved her.

They were both teary-eyed when Grace climbed into her SUV and left again. Now life alone was officially starting for Beca and she listened into the silence of her apartment, missing the voices of her mom, her friends, the Bellas. She'd never lived alone.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: This is a little shorter and we have some more filling. I just wanna say: thanks to everyone who's reviewing. All your nice comments keep me going and I really appreciate them. Give yourself a bear hug from me.**

* * *

Only another week until CR's wedding, but after Beca had arranged her furniture and decorated a little - it would've been a lot less had her mom not insisted to buy her all kinds of rubbish knick knacks on Saturday - she felt bored. Work was still ten days away, she didn't really have any good ideas for mixes because nobody told her to sit her ass down to make them.

But then she got a text from Emily. _HEEEEELP!_

And so Beca drove down to Barden to help with the Newbie Bellas as she'd promised to do anyway. They were an unruly bunch, to say the least, and Emily still too nice to get them to toe the line. But there was potential and Beca helped Emily pull it out of the girls, one by one. They put the some music together and they included Chloe and Flo in the dance routines - Chloe via skype, Flo whenever she didn't work on her own stuff. CR - though completely immersed in wedding preparations worked as a vocal coach with the girls; they all pitched in - pun intended.

It felt like old times, even though most of the Bellas were only with them via skype or text. Beca was glad to see Amy again, to see Stacie and Flo and Emily again. Lilly dropped by for a very short and very mysterious visit, giving beat-box advice.

After four days, Beca could hardly believe it's only been four days, because they put so much practice into them. She was understandably exhausted. And knew that wouldn't change as she had just time to drive back to Atlanta, grab a nap and her fabulous wedding outfit - her mom had helped with that too - and she would be on her way to Maine. Thankful that the wedding expenses were paid for by the parents of the brides, 'cause that meant flying up there.

* * *

When Beca left the plane at Bangor International Airport, she felt her exhaustion catch up with her. She'd been so stoked - there was that word again - to see everyone, especially Chloe, but now her eyes felt sandpaper-y and she was glad she'd opted for a suitcase with rolls under it not her customary bag.

She pulled it behind her, only just paying attention to her whereabouts. Until...

"I got my ticket for the long way 'round, two bottle whiskey for the way, and I sure would like some sweet company, and I'm leaving tomorrow what do you say?"

The Bellas singing the slow version in perfect harmony at her. She was smiling, no, she was beaming as they all stood there, Amy holding a sign that said: _DJ Feisty Mouse_.

She walked toward them, aware that some people were looking at her and her friends. The Bellas sure didn't care how much attention they were raising, they were all cheering and waving and talking excitedly. All exhaustion fell instantly from Beca.

"If I'd known that it would become my very own theme song, I woulda picked something more epic like 'Born to Be Wild,'" she said as she arrived at their location. For a moment, she just looked at them, all the faces, all the names, the memories. Everything they'd been through was just so palpable again, so close to her heart that it made her eyes sting.

"I know I've only seen most of you this week, but, damn guys, I missed us all together."

The others agreed, still talking over each other. Beca looked at Chloe, for just a split second she let herself get engulfed by those baby blues that always made her heart beat a little faster. They'd agreed that they'd talk before they'd tell their friends that they were going to the wedding together. Beca was sure that Chloe wanted to give her as much space and time as she might need. At this moment, though, she didn't think she needed any more time and she had to shake herself lose from the intense stare from Chloe's eyes before she came out right here, right now.

"CR," she said as she looked at the beaming bride to be. She hugged her hard. "You look radiant, my friend. So happy." Beca leaned back and kissed CR smack on the lips. "Where's your bride? Where're all of your dates, for that matter?"

"Casey's at the house, most of their dates, too. Some should be on their way since the girls from Barden just arrived half an hour ago."

"We wanted to greet you by ourselves," Emily said.

"You're a greedy bunch," Beca said laughing.

"Only when it comes to our captain. So where's your date?" Amy asked.

"Uhm, right, uh, no date... so far. I'll keep you posted," she joked, but nobody was laughing. They all seemed to eye her suspiciously except for Chloe. Chloe was looking anywhere but at her and Beca only saw that out of the corner of her eyes.

"As long as it's somebody from the wedding party. If it's someone from outside you'll have to take it up with the mother of the bride yourself," CR informed her.

"O-kay... hey, Amy, it's good to see you." She hugged Amy.

"Good to see you. Have you lost weight?"

"Maybe a little. Lots of work last week, yeah?"

"For sure. I'm still pooped and I didn't even do all that cardio-shit you did with the Baby Bellas."

"Jessica, Ashley, hey you guys!" Beca hugged those two together, because they didn't seem to want to let go of each other's hands. It was endearing. "I missed you, Ash. And Jess, again, I'm so sorry about being a dick before you moved out."

"It's okay. I never would've moved if..." And then the waterworks were starting again. "I missed you," she sniffed.

"Hey, no more tears. Come on, not even happy tears for you until CR gets hitched, okay?" Beca duck her head to look at Jessica's lowered face. She saw a smile and a moment later Jessica rubbed at her eyes and pushed her hair from her face.

"That's better."

"Hello, Beca," the person next to Jessica said. There was an edge to her voice, as there always seemed to be, but she was smiling a big smile at Beca.

"Aubrey, how's life in the wilderness?"

"Mmmmh, all that fresh air. You should visit again."

"HA!"

Aubrey opened her arms and Beca stepped into them. Neither said anything now, they simply hugged it out and then Aubrey released her again.

Beca turned toward Stacie. "Dr. Conrad," she said, grinning.

"Yeah, in another 10 years, maybe." They hugged, but since they'd pretty much just seen each other, it wasn't tearful or emotional, but still heartfelt. Lilly was basically the same, though she reminded Beca that she should visit her in Colorado to look at dead bodies. Lilly was working there for the city of Pueblo as a junior CSI.

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks. Hey, Ems," she said turning toward Emily.

"Hey, Becs. Thanks again for all the help this week."

"It was fun, at least, some of it," Beca said, hugging Emily.

"Not the cardio," she heard Amy mumble in the background.

Flo was last, or rather, second to last. "How's your toe," Beca asked as she hugged her.

"It's all right. Nothing compared to when my brother-"

"Ah," Beca interrupted. "I thought we were over those weird my-family-is-so-poor-my-brother-tried-to-sell-me-into-slavery-stories."

"Yeah, we are. What I was about to say was when my brother hit me in the face with a tennis ball... while we were playing tennis... at the country club."

"Of course, sorry." She was smiling at her small friend who smiled back.

Now, as she turned, there was only Chloe left. And she was looking at Beca. _Again with those eyes_ , Beca thought. Her whole body seemed to shatter with a sigh as she took a tentative step toward her.

The love greeting her from the shiny depth made her stomach flip flop and her knees go weak.

"I...," Chloe started. "I'm sorry, I can't wait." And then she stepped up to Beca and kissed her.

* * *

A wave of heat rushed Beca's body and she pulled Chloe so close breathing ceased to be an option. But who needed oxygen anyway? She was drowning in Chloe, the feel of her, the taste of her, the smell of her. Everything was Chloe and nothing hurt anymore.

"Okay, time to break it up or I'm going to dowse you with a hose!" was the next thing Beca actually heard outside of her cocoon of Chloe-ness - and only just because they had come up for much needed air. It came from Aubrey, of course.

She instantly took a step back, now flooded with panic, her chest constricting. But Chloe was right there, a hand taking her own.

"Shh, it's all right, B, we're all friends here."

And as Beca turned toward the other Bellas, she could mostly see smiling faces. Jessica didn't really look at her, a rosy blush covering her cheeks. Aubrey on the other hand looked sternly at her, an eyebrow raised in a menacing fashion. She knew what that meant: hurt Chloe, you die.

"Well," Beca started. "None of you looks especially surprised. I wonder why that is... Amy?"

"Ahhhh, uhm, yes, funny story that... You know after we talked and that and then, you know. Things like that happen and... yeah, we're good right?"

Beca had to laugh. This was so Amy and did she really think Amy wouldn't tell their friends when she'd told her she and Chloe had kissed? No, not really.

"Okay, you're off the hook. I guess it won't really surprise you guys then that Chloe is my date for the wedding?"

"Awww, really? That's so sweet," Stacie said, crinkling her nose as if looking at cute animals.

"Yeah, and we won't make a big deal of it. Right, Bellas?" Chloe said and it wasn't really a question.

"Why would it be? Two girls dating each other at a lesbian wedding? Come on, guys, get real. And let's get outta here. Casey's probably wondering why we're late," CR said as she turned and walked toward the exit. "I swear each one of my moves is planned until that ceremony is over. She better not bring that fucking wedding planner to our wedding night..." There she stopped dead in her tracks and turned. She gave them all a shy smile. "You didn't hear me say that, right?"

Amy walked over and lay an arm around her. "Don't worry, the wedding planner seems very gay. I don't think he'd go for that."

"Thank goodness. Come on, now, there's food waiting for us at the house."

"Yeah, come on. I'm starving," Amy told them.

Everyone started walking toward the exit. Beca turned to Chloe and reached out her hand. "They're all crazy, but I love them."

Chloe laughed, entwining her fingers with Beca's. "And they love you back. We all do."

They followed the others.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Let the wedding celebrations begin, I say. I'm a little obsessed with weddings and have written some stories about them. But so far never a gay wedding, I think. Hope I'll do it justice. This is only the first part of that so... enjoy.**

* * *

They'd rented a bus. Cynthia Rose said it was mainly because they had to get to the church the next day, anyway, but to Beca it felt like a flashback to their first performance - Amy was driving and they all sat in rows.

Only now, she sat in the back with Chloe and everybody sat so they could talk to each other. This gave her the opportunity to address CR who sat in front of them.

"So, when did Amy get here?"

"Wednesday night, last flight in. And believe it or not, she'd been a great help. She got the wedding planner off my back yesterday so I could sneak away with Casey for a little alone-time."

"Oooh, nice. What did you do?"

Everybody looked at Jessica like that was obvious until she blushed. "Oh, right."

"Anyway, there was something I wanted to ask you," CR said. "You know, my cousin Jamal, he was supposed to be my best man and... well, his girlfriend is basically a homophobe bitch and talked him out of it... and of attending altogether."

"God, CR, I'm so sorry." Beca reached over and squeezed her friend's hand which was lying on the back rest. "What a jerkface!"

CR gave a small smile at the ridiculous insult. "He's not really, but... well, his girlfriend certainly is."

"No kidding," Chloe said.

"Anyway, I'm without a best man now and I wanted to ask: would you be my best man, Becs?"

Beca's mouth fell open. "Seriously?"

"Of course seriously. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

Beca had to take a deep breath. In her mind, several alarm bells went off with duties she'd have to perform that would be absolutely horrifying for her. But this wasn't about her, it was about CR. "I'd be honored, dude," she said.

And seeing her friend beam at her the next moment, she knew she'd done the right thing. She stood awkwardly between the benches and hugged CR, also awkwardly.

"Thanks, man."

"Though, okay, what am I supposed to do? Like, is there a list? What about your bachelorette party?"

Now CR was holding her hand. "Okay, calm yo' tits, man. There's gonna be a party tonight, but just after the rehearsal dinner. You'll have to attend the rehearsal, of course, but the party's all been taken care of... by Casey. She'll be there with us. It's gonna be a joint operation, so I'm assuming no strip club."

"DAMN!" It came very disappointed from the driver's seat. "I love strip clubs," Amy said as explanation to the rear view mirror.

"It would've been a girl strip club, Amy, no naked guys," Stacie reminded her.

"So? Like I can't appreciate a semi-naked female body dancing seductively, just because I like dick!"

"My apologies," Stacie gave back with a wide grin, hinting at a bow.

"You are forgiven. Oh hey, Stacie could totally strip for us!" Amy then said. She smiled widely at them, obviously proud of her idea.

"That's not gonna happen," CR warded off any argument.

Stacie was pouting. "I would've done it," she said.

"Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that," CR gave back, sighing.

"I could always give you and the future Mrs. Duplasse a private show."

CR closed her eyes, she seemed in pain.

"Down girl," Beca told Stacie. "I'm the best man and I'm saying there's not gonna be any semi-naked dancing."

"Bummer!" Amy again.

"Not unless you're very, very drunk, Amy," Beca called to her and Amy gave her a wide grin in the rear view mirror. "That wasn't meant as a challenge."

Amy shrugged.

"Anyway," CR said. "All you gotta do is hand me the wedding ring at the right moment and give a speech at the party. Can you do that?"

Beca nodded. "Sure, doesn't sound so bad," she said, but her voice sounded too high in her own ears. She gulped. Giving a speech? Great, just great.

"I'll help you with the speech, promise," Chloe whispered in her ear at that moment.

Beca turned to her, grateful. She felt comforted by the arm that came around her shoulder, holding her pressed to Chloe. She knew it was ridiculous to feel this good, but she was close to melting just being near Chloe. She turned just a little more and gave her a kiss. "Thank you."

Chloe smiled. Her hand cupped Beca's cheek. "For you, anything," she said and gave a kiss right back. This, of course, wasn't the end of it because kissing just doesn't end there.

Beca was vaguely aware of Aubrey saying.

"God, I'm glad those two didn't get together sooner."

"Don't be so mean, Aubrey." It was Ashley.

"I'm not being mean, I just think we wouldn't have gotten anything done with those two smooching their way through rehearsals."

"I could've spent my time watching those two getting it on. And no regrets." Stacie, of course.

"Does somebody have a nice bucket of ice water handy?"

"Shut up, Aubrey!" from everyone.

And at that, Beca and Chloe started laughing and had to interrupt their make-out session.

* * *

When Cynthia Rose mentioned 'the house,' Beca had imagined a house, maybe even a big house, a house like the Bellas house. She hadn't imagined a mansion of Beale-proportions, possibly even grander. But that was where they ended up. Casey's parents had money and she and Chloe bonded over a similar childhood.

But she wasn't the only one. Casey was a nice person with a wicked sense of humor and obvious love for Cynthia Rose. And it was that last part that made every Bella accept her right off. Despite the fact that the house was gigantic, the Bellas and their dates would still be sharing rooms - three rooms, to be exact. And Beca headed up to one of them while the others enjoyed a late lunch.

"Just to freshen up," she'd said, but she was now standing by the window looking out. She felt a little drowsy from being with the Bellas again. There was so much chatter, so much laughter and teasing. It was hard to take it all in, and how happy she was right now.

A knock from the door roused her from her thoughts and she turned. CR was standing in the doorway.

"Talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure. Come on in. I was just..."

"Hiding?" CR guessed since Beca didn't continue.

"What would I be hiding from?"

"Well," CR sat down on the bed. There was also a couch, but the Bellas who'd be sleeping here had left their things all over it. "If I remember correctly, coming out can be quite exhausting. Exciting and breathtaking, but also exhausting." She patted the bedspread beside her.

Beca took a deep breath. She hadn't even realized, or maybe she'd just been too happy being with the Bellas again and with Chloe to realize this had actually happened. She'd come out to possibly the most important people in her life besides her mom. And to all of them at once. She flopped down on the bed, lying on her back.

"You're right, it is exhausting."

Cynthia Rose took her hand. "We're all proud of you, y'know. Some of those girls know what it's like, Chloe certainly does. She asked me to come up here."

"Why didn't she come herself?"

"Because she's crazy in love with you and you're different with her than with me."

Beca frowned. "Does she think I would lie to her?"

CR shook her head. "But you'd instantly feel different with her. You wouldn't feel... the effects of coming out as strongly with her because you're crazy in love with her too."

This made Beca nod. It was true, she basically felt it the second she'd seen her at the airport. "It's not just coming out, though. The last week with the newbies was... urgh." Beca pushed her tongue out like she was dead or dying. It only seemed funny to her for a second then she looked at CR again.

CR had a serene look on her face and Beca could only guess at the experiences it would take to get there, from phobes and racists and sexists alike in CR's case. She'd never been prouder than today to call this woman her friend, and she had been damn proud before. Beca sat up and hugged her.

"I love you, CR."

"Now, where did that come from?" CR asked as Beca let go again. She smiled.

"It's just... I mean, I know that many of the girls are... queer in some way, you know. But you were the only one out from basically the beginning. I always admired you for just being you. I think you taught me a lot about being a... proud gay woman. I feel like it took me forever, but I want to have that for me too. To be proud of who I am and who I'm with."

CR chuckled. "It's not something you just get. It took me years to get here too."

Beca nodded. "I know. I mean, I don't know what you've all been through, even today with your cousin and all. I've only got glimpses of it over the years, but... you are an extraordinary woman, CR. I wanna be like you when I grow up."

"A black lesbian? Good luck with that." They were laughing.

"You know what I mean though, right?"

CR nodded. "I know. I learned stuff from you too, little B. Most of that got to do with music, but you also reminded me of scared younger me. She's still inside me. I know what it's like and whenever you need help I'm here for you."

Beca grabbed both of CR's hands with hers, squeezing them tightly. "You already arranged for me and Aubrey to not be holed up in one room. That actually helps a lot."

"Oh, dude, you'll so get your ass whipped if you hurt Chloe. You know that, right?"

Beca nodded. "I also happen to know that if I hurt Chloe, I deserve nothing better."

"True," CR agreed. "Would you like to hide some more up here or are you hungry enough to come down?"

"Hm," Beca made and laid her hands on her stomach. "Tummy says hungry," she confirmed and they both stood.

CR was about to leave the room when Beca touched her arm. She turned, raising an eyebrow at Beca.

"I know I've said it already, but... I'm so happy for you. It's... it's a little strange because this is the first time we met Casey, you know? But she's a doll, no, she's better than that, she's really something wonderful, an amazing woman. And I'm speaking from almost ten minutes of experience..." Beca laughed self-deprecatingly at her words.

CR nodded. "I love that woman. And I'm happy to report she loves me back."

"Yes, exactly. We were just waiting to see that, you know? That love." Beca was hoping, CR was getting what she was saying.

"I know what you're saying." She sighed. "I've been in lust with Stacie so long... it was hard to understand the difference between that and love at first. But Casey was persistent and... I love her, but I also want her. Every day, and for the rest of my life."

"Yeah, I know what that's like," Beca said before she could catch herself. Her eyes went wide and she swallowed hard. "You did not just hear me say that!"

CR smiled at her in understanding. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You'll do that yourself when the time comes."

And with that, she took Beca's hand and they left the room.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: This took a little longer, but hopefully it's worth the wait. Let's get this party started, then.**

* * *

The rehearsal was a brief affair, everybody knew their place, their role. Beca handed CR the imaginary ring at her clue and later they went on to the dinner where mostly everybody was already present and accounted for.

Chloe had saved her a seat and reminded her that she still needed to write that speech for the next day. Then she proceeded to hand her pen and paper, note cards and highlighters.

"You're so prepared, it's scary," Beca told her.

"I'll help, we all will. It's gonna be written before the dinner is over." She looked around the table where all the Bellas were assembled. Most were smiling at her confidently, Amy gave her two thumbs up. Beca felt inclined to be hopeful about this, but her stomach didn't allow for much food during the meal.

* * *

Chloe had been mostly right because between Beca and the Bellas her speech was almost written when they entered the last part of the day: the Bachelorettes Party.

All the folks, whether male, female, or other who felt young enough to party through the night entered a club of Casey's choosing. Chloe suspected it was the only place like this in Bangor, Maine. The music was good, though, as were the drinks and Chloe suspected that Casey had called ahead to announce their arrival, because both bars were staffed.

Chloe was holding Beca's hand as they entered, it quickly had become their new normal. It still gave her chills, though, to think that Beca was hers. Even if she didn't know how their relationship would progress, if it would beyond this weekend wedding date, she would have her now. She was just looking over at Beca - Beca was saying something to Emily - when a new song started; and it was _Titanium_.

The fingers that were interlinked with hers twitched, then Beca turned to her.

"They're playing our song," Chloe said, her face almost splitting with a smile.

Beca smiled back a little shyly, but pulled Chloe away from everybody else onto the dancefloor. And Chloe couldn't have gone more willingly. This was their moment, this was their first dance.

And as they moved together - losely at first, then closer, always closer - she could hear Beca's voice, singing with. And the song built and they both let lose, arms around each other, eyes locked. And as the song ended, they kissed. And finally, everything was at it should be.

* * *

"Hey, DJ BJ, how's business?" Amy asked Beca, sitting down next to her in the VP section. That's how Beca thought about it, since the bar people had closed off a reserved section for them. Made them look cooler than they actually were.

"DJ BJ?" That doesn't even make sense, Amy," Beca said, but smirked.

"Beca, we've been through this. When we were living together, I went through your stuff, you pretended to hate it, but I know things about you that nobody else does. For example, that your middle name is Jol-" That was when Beca put a hand over Amy's mouth.

"Shhhh, not another word, Fat Amy, or I swear."

But, of course, Amy instead of being intimidated started licking Beca's hand. Not just one quick lick, either, she basically turned into a dog.

"Urgh, Amy, what...?"

"Don't even start with me, BJ. You try to restrain this free ranging puppy and you get licked. Mhm, now that I think about it, maybe licking wasn't the best plan of action, considering..." She seemed to look at Beca a little shifty-eyed.

"Considering, what?" Beca might already have had two glasses of wine with dinner, but she felt she was still fairly sober. Still, Amy didn't make a lot of sense at the moment.

"Considering that licking is your new bj, BJ."

Beca looked at Amy who started grinning saucily. Then the penny dropped. "Amy, no. No! Absolutely not. Seriously, please, no. We're not talking about this."

Amy seemed to think this was the most hilarious thing she'd heard all day. She was laughing outright at Beca who kept on shaking her head.

"Serves you right," she told her. "Anyway, you're not the only one who's turned gay on me. It's like the gaypocalyse, I feel like I can't even tell any dick jokes anymore with you lot."

"That bears the question, why you thought dick jokes were okay in the first place."

"Now, I'm not joking. Look at that! Aubrey's got herself a girl. That is a girl, right?"

Beca rolled her eyes. "Yes, I think Terri defines herself as a girl... woman. But, you do know that Aubrey's not gay, right? She's asexual. I know she sent that mail to everyone, the one with the long-ass text and the links?"

"I rarely read emails that are longer than fucking War and Peace, but I had Flo summarize it. I'm still not sure I understand how anyone can not have sex, but if it rocks her boat, that's good enough for me. Still, I mean, she could have no sex with men, right?" Amy was frowning watching Aubrey and Terri dance.

"Well, she probably has no sex with men, too, but she has a romance with Terri. It's not really bothering you, though, is it? Some of us being... queer?"

Amy shook her head. "I love you all and I'm sure I've done a lot more fucked up shit in bed than any of you - except Stacie. I was just... I was a little blown away by Aubrey, I guess, but Terri seems nice and Aubrey is happy... very obviously so... What about you, though?"

"Me? I'm happy, Amy, can't you tell?" Beca gave Amy her widest smile, and it wasn't even forced. Thinking of Chloe, the fact that they were here together, that they were kissing and dancing and holding hands, it made her chest burn with love and pride and all that other good stuff.

"Then why're you not dancing with your lady friend? Why're you sitting here with the other losers?" Amy looked over at where Jessica and Ashley sat without their respective dates who were talking animatedly with some guys at the bar. The drinks they'd promised Jessica and Ashley stood forgotten beside them. "No offence, girls," she called over at the two and waved.

They waved back. Beca doubted they'd heard what Amy had been saying.

"I'm just taking a break," Beca said, shrugging. Her smile had vanished.

"You've been taking a break for almost an hour now and Chloe'd been dancing with every other Bella now. Look, she's now throwing herself at Benji. I doubt that is any fun for either."

Beca looked at her drink that stood almost untouched on the table, the ice had melted. Then she looked over at the guy standing with his friends near the bar, her eyes furrowing.

"Who's that dude?" Amy asked, probably she'd noticed Beca's dark look.

"Nobody."

"Right. Did he say anything? Do anything?"

"Amy, it's nothing," Beca told her, but a look at her friend's face told her that she wouldn't let it go. Amy was one of the most stubborn people she knew and she'd shared a room with her for three years.

"It doesn't look like nothing. It looks like he pissed in your frootloops... standing on a stool... showing you his pecker."

Beca closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I also saw him lay his hand on Stacie's ass earlier when they were both standing at the bar," Amy said.

"What did she do?"

"Ah, she removed it and probably said something naughty to him. You know how she is when she's not into someone, she still kinda makes them feel like they could get lucky."

Beca could see that she was about to add something, but then thought better of it.

"Did he touch you too?" Amy asked.

Beca shook her head. She wasn't sure it was wise to tell Amy, she also didn't want to make waves, even though it had bothered her, was still bothering her. She didn't want to ruin CR and Casey's night.

"Beca?"

Another deep breath. "When Chloe and I danced earlier, he was staring at me. Not... sexually, more angry. And then..." She bit down on her jaw real tight, even thinking about it was hard. "Then he leered at Chloe, really leered, like she was just..." Beca shook her head.

"Sounds like he's in for a Bellas Special," Amy sat, rising from her seat.

Beca grabbed her arm. "Amy, please, this is CR's party. I don't want-"

"Do you think, CR would be happy knowing what'd happened? Do you think she wouldn't be the first to drown that fucker in his own blood?"

Beca sighed. Amy had a point, but Beca didn't want anyone to get in trouble or ruin the party.

"Leave it to me, little one, I'll teach him... with finesse."

Finesse? Amy? Beca was already seeing everyone get arrested, CR and Casey missing their wedding and them never talking to her again.

But she knew when she couldn't stop Amy who was already on her way toward the dancefloor. She motioned for Jessica and Ashley to follow her and they left Beca at the table. Beca was too fearful to even look. But a moment later she was distracted by someone else sitting down beside her.

"Hey, you're not still thinking about that speech, do you? I know you don't like talking in front of people, but you're not horrible at it. I have complete aca-faith in you." Chloe was smiling at her.

Beca pushed a lock of wild red hair out of Chloe's face, then cupped her cheek. "You're so beautiful," she told her.

"You're nuts. I'm sweaty and tipsy, I must look like something come out of the wilderness."

"Maybe I like the nature child look," Beca teased. She gave Chloe a chaste kiss on the lips.

"You must not like it too much judging from that kiss."

Their faces were still close and Beca took the opportunity to press her forehead against Chloe, staring a little cross-eyed into her eyes and then at her lips. "Chloe?"

"Hm?"

"I know I've only told you on the phone so far, but... I really am in love with you. My heart is beating like a nutter and I..." She stopped when Chloe put her hand over her heart. A gasp escaped her at the intimate touch.

"It's beating really fast," Chloe agreed. "So is mine." She picked up Beca's hand and put it over her own heart.

The soft material of Chloe's dress felt impossibly hot to her touch. A moan wanted to escape her, but she suppressed it and it came out as a whimper. Her brain seemed to shut down, she could only see Chloe, feel her, inhale her scent. It was intoxicating. She could already feel Chloe's breath on her lips when the song that was currently playing was killed mid-word and another started. It was Titanium, once again.

Beca's concentration of Chloe was broken and she looked to where the DJ was currently talking to Amy. "What's happening?" she wondered aloud.

Then she noticed Emily dancing... with that creepster who'd leered at Chloe.

"Looks like Flo overreached with the shots. We're not that many," Chloe said.

Beca's eyes found Flo who was carrying a tray of shots, jello shots, by the looks of it. And she was walking toward the dancefloor.

"What?"

The creepster was getting handsy with Emily, but she evaded him sneakily. She twirled under his arm and then made to turn him around. He did and twirled right into Flo. All the jello shots emptied onto his lower torso and crotch, red and green and blue all mixing as the jello hadn't been cooled apparently.

"Oh, my God, what...?"

Beca stood as the Bellas closed ranks around the creepster. Chloe pulled her toward the dancefloor to see what was happening up close. It all felt so surreal.

Amy had put herself between Flo and Handsy-guy, her Australian hunk of a date behind her, together with Ashley's date, also a big guy. The music had stopped.

"Are you nuts?" Creepy raged.

"Quite possibly. I'm Tasmanian, we're all pretty nuts," Amy answered.

"That little bitch ruined my suit, she's gonna pay for it."

"That little bitch could probably buy your ass, loser, not that she would want to. Nobody does, 'cause you're a creep."

There were a couple of women who agreed with her.

"And creeps don't get to ruin my friends' evening. Going 'round the room touching women and leering at them is not cool, uh-uh."

"Like you don't want that, dressing like you do," the Creepster answered.

"We're not dressing like that for your sorry ass," Stacie said. "We're dressing like that for ourselves, for our girls, for feeling sexy without the need to have a guy tell us we are. We know we are."

"That's right. And we don't dress like that for you to get your nasty hands all over us, 'cause we don't know you. And we didn't gave you permission to touch us," Emily piped up.

"You were the one who wanted to dance with me," he gave back.

"That doesn't give you the right to touch her however you want to." Chloe stepped next to Jessica, still holding Beca's hand. "And don't think I didn't see you looking at me earlier. My skin's still crawling."

"Yeah, well, you're a lesbian. Big surprise, you don't like guys."

"One, I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual. And I do like some men looking at me, but the way you look makes me feel like less than a person. So, two, it's not me it's the way you treat women that's not okay."

"Whatever," he said, lifting his hands as if in surrender.

"Dude? Don't you get it? You were harrassing us. We could get the cops in here and seriously file a complaint against your ass." All the Bellas stopped and stared at Jessica who'd said that, her voice so cold Beca was sure the guy now had frostbite on several important extremities.

"I'm sorry, okay? Man, don't get all radical feminist on me for having a little bit of fun."

"Your fun is somebody else's nightmare," came the resentful southern twang of Aubrey over all their heads. She was walking past Amy, almost regal in the way she build herself up before the creepy guy. And despite the fact that he was taller than her, she was looking down on him. "Women are allowed to decide who touches them. And if she tells you to NOT touch her, it's because you make her uncomfortable. That's not on her, that's on you. The fact that we're all radical feminists has little to do with that."

"Whatever. Guys?" He was talking to his friends who stood just outside of the dance floor and looked rather uncomfortable. "Let's go. This place has been taken over by lesboes."

"Oh, right, I talked to your friends about you. They hate how you treat women, it gives them a bad rep. I think they wanna stay and party with us, but WE definitely want YOU to leave."

Some people actually gasped at this burn. Creepster's face turned the shade of red jello mix on his shirt. "You fucking-"

"Don't even!" Amy pushed forward as it looked as if the creepy guy was about to raise his hand against Aubrey. But Aubrey grabbed Amy's arm, still cool as ice. Beca had never been as impressed with their former captain as in this moment. She was indeed the born leader, hell, Beca would vote for her if she wanted to be POTUS one day.

Anyway, Creepster took a step back, looking around at all of them as if they were about to jump him. They weren't but would stand as one if he started anything. He must've felt that, too, as he pulled at the lapels of his jacket, trying to muster some pride it seemed and turned. Ashley and Lilly made way for him as he got his roasted ass out of the bar.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Sorry, I kept you waiting so long. My muse is all over the place and pulls my ear with it. But now, I'm back with the Bellas. Hope you like.**

* * *

The chatter had finally stopped, one by one their current roommates had gone to sleep. But Beca and Chloe who'd been given the bed by popular vote were still awake, holding hands under the veil of darkness, staring into each other's eyes, and smiling.

"Crazy night, huh?" Beca whispered.

Chloe nodded. "What happened at the club, like, are you okay? That was pretty intense."

"It was and... God, I wish it hadn't happened. I mean, the guy being a douche, but also us humiliating him. These things rarely feel good for longer than an hour."

Chloe cupped Beca's cheek. "He deserved it."

"I know that. It just... it made me uncomfortable. The... raw performance of... us versus him. Of us versus... the world."

"That guy is not the world, Beca. He may think he is, but he's not."

Beca rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling she couldn't really see. She pulled Chloe's hand with her own over her chest.

"You felt judged by him, didn't you?" Chloe pushed herself up and closer to Beca, her nose touching the side of her face and her breath tickling her.

"Yes, and it felt... it was hurtful. It also made me angry, the way he looked at you. Like he had a right to your body because he was a man." She had to clear her voice, because it got scratchy with emotion, anger, but also a sense of humiliation.

Chloe touched her hand to Beca's chin and turned her head toward her. "The only people with a right to my body are me and the person I allow access to it. At the moment, that's you." She kissed her cheek. "Do you want access to it now?" she then whispered hotly.

There was no air for a moment as Beca struggled to breathe. But as her lungs filled again, a whimper escaped. She could feel her heart hammering against her chest.

Chloe put her lips to Beca's for a kiss, not exactly chaste, but too short to... well, almost too short to enjoy. As she pulled back, Beca followed pressing their lips back together for some more intimate contact.

"Mhh-mh, that's nice," Chloe whispered.

Beca rolled back onto her side, laying her arm around Chloe's waist, pulling her closer. "It was... difficult tonight after... that guy watched us. When we walked into the club hand in hand, I didn't even think about it and then we danced and... that was... unbelievable. I've never felt... so much, Chlo."

Chloe was smiling and nudged Beca with her nose.

"But then he looked at us, at you and... I became self-conscious. He made me feel bad about feeling so good."

"I'm sorry, B. I should've paid more attention and called him out for it right away. I just didn't want to ruin our evening together."

"It wasn't your fault. I could've done it myself and I should've. Things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if I had." Beca closed her eyes and shook her head.

"No, hey, you just came out. You're... still new at all this and this was our first outing. I thought it was okay in a group, you know, with the Bellas. I should've paid better attention."

"You paid attention to me, very special attention. Though maybe next time we shouldn't feel each other up in the middle of a crowded club."

Chloe chuckled. "I don't know what you were doing, but I was touching your heart."

Beca felt heat flush her cheeks as she put her hand over her face. "Oh, God."

Chloe pulled her hand away. "You're so cute when you're flustered, but, hey... it was okay. I mean, maybe we shouldn't do it at the reception, but... I thought it was nice and good. I just sometimes need to connect with you."

"And my boob?"

Now they just barely kept from laughing.

"Yeah, maybe," Chloe admitted in a whisper.

The next moment, Beca felt a particular kind of warmth over her heart. A moan escaped her as Chloe's hand pushed a little lower, cupping her breast.

"Is this okay?" Chloe's face was so close to her own, there wasn't a breath between them. And then she kissed her again.

For long minutes, they let go of the stress and the circumstances and just kissed. And touched. Pressed against each other.

Then a movement from beyond the foot of the bed, roused their attention.

"Dammit, you guys. How's a girl supposed to sleep with you getting your grooves on? I tried to be nice about it, but... please, stop." Jessica looked up at them with pleading eyes.

"Sorry, Jess. We'll be good now," Beca said, pulling herself out of Chloe's arms.

"Way to ruin the mood, Jessica," came a pouting voice from the side of the bed where Stacie lay.

"We thought you were all asleep by now."

"Yeah, like we could sleep knowing you guys would get it on," Flo said.

"We didn't...," Beca wanted to defend them, but then realized they'd already proven her wrong. "We're sorry. Go to sleep," she told the four Bellas sleeping around them. "And you," she whispered at Chloe. "Hands off the goodies."

Chloe groaned and rolled onto her back. "Should've bunked with Aubrey," she pouted. "No temptation."

"Mhm, you love it," Beca disagreed as she snuggled up at Chloe's side with her arm coming around her waist.

"I really do."

There were mumbled groans telling them to shut up and after settling down more comfortably, everybody did.

* * *

It was just seven when Beca left the bedroom on tip-toes. Her night had been restless and she wasn't sure why. Things kept coming back in form of unsettling dreams she couldn't remember on waking. Finally, she'd lain awake, watching the rise and fall of Chloe's chest. It had been peaceful, but she felt anything but rested.

She slipped into her boots before entering the kitchen with its promising smell of coffee.

"You're up early," a not-too-friendly voice greeted her and Beca flinched. Of course, she would run into Aubrey on a morning like this.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep."

"Nervous about your speech?"

Beca walked over to the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Not really, but thanks for reminding me," she noted as she leaned against the counter, watching Aubrey nibble on a piece of toast. "It's early for you too."

"I'm used to getting up at five, take a run, you know. I feel a little spoiled here, but I don't wanna become a total slob."

"Like the rest of us?" Beca asked, smiling.

Aubrey laughed. "Yeah, like you lot." She took a sip of her coffee, and watched Beca thoughfully. "Is this a good time to talk about Chloe and you?"

Beca took a deep breath. Of course, Aubrey wanted to talk to her about Chloe. "What if I say no?"

"Then we don't," Aubrey said.

Beca's eyebrows pulled together. "Okay, who are you and what have you done to Aubrey Posen?"

"Funny, but... well, believe it or not, I have changed. I know your relationship isn't really my business, unless you and Chloe allow it. I'm happy for you guys, you know? I know I haven't been your greatest supporter, but I know that Chloe's been in love with you for a long time and that she deserves to be happy."

"Do you think she is?" Beca asked.

"Are you kidding me? She's over the moon. Don't tell me you can't see that."

Beca shrugged. "I do, I'm just... I'm not sure I should talk to you about this, sorry."

Aubrey made a face. Beca wasn't sure if she was going to answer, but as someone else entered the kitchen, they got momentarily distracted. It was one of the brides, Casey.

"Morning," she greeted them, making a bee line for the coffee.

Beca stepped out of her way. "Morning."

"Hey, Casey."

Casey poured herself a cup and put it up to her nose to smell it. "Hmmmm," she made before taking a sip. "Coffee is my other true love," she said dreamily.

"I know how you feel," Beca agreed.

"Yeah, I can see that. And I don't just mean about coffee." She winked at Beca.

Aubrey laughed. "You got her there." Then she became serious again, looking from Casey to Beca as if contemplating something. "I know this is your big day, but maybe you could give Beca some advice? She doesn't quite trust me to spill her guts to."

"Now, that's not it, Aubrey. It's just... you're Chloe's best friend. And we've had our... differences."

"I'm aware, Becs. But you need to talk about this. And maybe Casey is... maybe it's good she's not a Bella?"

A quick glance at Casey told Beca she was intrigued and willing to listen, but she wasn't at all sure if she should talk to a virtual stranger about her relationship. She sighed.

"It's okay, we hardly know each other. But things are... well, in just an hour, there won't be any time for anything but wedding stuff. I'm here to listen if you want me to," Casey offered.

"And that's my clue," Aubrey said, picking up her cup of coffee and leaving the kitchen.

Casey sat down on the vacated stool, still nursing her cup and looking expectantly at Beca.

"I'm new to... this gay stuff," Beca said. She flinched at her own words. "Sorry, I... I'm not even sure how to... talk properly."

Casey smiled. "The art of lesbian conversation is quite simple, Beca, just put all your feelings out there."

A sigh escaped Beca. "Like that's easy. I mean, I'm really not good at this. I've been with a gay dude for the last three years and we never talked about how gay we are for other people."

"Three years is a long time. You never suspected?"

"About me or Jesse?"

"Yourself. And I guess about your boyfriend, too."

Beca shrugged. "Thinking back, I guess there were clues. Like, about a gazillion. The way... Chloe's been always special to me. There were things... happening between us I can't quite explain... I mean, how many of your friends walked into your shower and asked you to sing for them?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised."

Beca made an incredulous face at this.

"Sorry, I'm trying to ease your worry with humor. I guess, it doesn't work too well?"

In answer, Beca shook her head.

"How about Jesse?"

"Well, the last year's been... different, I guess. We both worked more for college and our respective groups. I think we were both more comfortable with... people of our own sex... gender. When we hung out we usually watched a movie or listened to music."

"Were you intimate?"

Beca sighed. "Not a lot... I can't even remember... we were more friends than anything, but I didn't really catch on that he was... starting to get interested in a Treble."

"Treble?"

"His a cappella group's called The Treblemakers, hence Treble."

Casey nodded. "Did he know about you and Chloe?"

"Hm," Beca made. She took a sip of her coffee to buy herself some time. "I think, there's been a time when he was jealous of her. I always spent a lot of time with the Bellas, not just practice, but we also lived together in the same house... as you know, of course. But I'd also put away extra time for Chloe. We would hang out seperately, and Jesse didn't understand why. He complained about it during our first year together, but I never changed anything and he... got used to it."

"You never questioned that?"

"No, I knew what I wanted. I would never let anyone get between me and my friends, certainly not a boy."

"Does Jesse know you're with Chloe now?"

Beca blinked. She talked to Jesse a few times since she'd left Barden. They usually talked about life in California, their respective jobs. Jesse had mentioned that he and Derek had been on a couple dates, but she hadn't reciprocated yet by telling him about her and Chloe. "No, I haven't told him yet."

"But you're planning to?"

Beca sighed. "I... It's not like I haven't told people about Chloe and I, I mean... my mom knows. And the Bellas, and they're the most important people in my life."

"And Jesse?"

Beca pushed off from the counter. She put her arms around her middle, hugging herself. Then she took a deep breath. "It feels strange talking to him about... my new relationship."

"Why?"

"Because... I don't know, maybe... because he's a guy."

Casey merely raised an eyebrow.

"I like... it sounds idiotic, I... with my mom and the Bellas, I feel... safe. I don't need to explain... not over-explain why I like Chloe, how she makes me feel. I haven't yet told my dad either."

"Do you feel unsure about your feelings?"

Beca shook her head. "Not about my feelings for Chloe. Just... about every other aspect of this... new thing. I don't know if... I'll be good at being gay."

Casey hopped off the stool and came over to Beca. She put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it. "If it's any consolation: there's no right or wrong way to be gay. It's still all about being yourself. And it doesn't need to be... everything. In fact, it shouldn't be. You're still Beca, you're still a Barden Bella, and someone who makes music. You're still you. The gay thing... it doesn't have to be a big part of your life. You decide. You can just be with Chloe and that's it. You don't need to wear a rainbow button, or go on pride parades if you don't want to. That's all just icing, your relationship with Chloe is the cake."

Beca couldn't help but smile. Thinking of her relationship as cake seemed almost too fitting. "That's a good metaphor."

"Yeah, I did good there." Casey answered Beca's smile with her own.

"Is it okay if I hug you? I mean, I'm not a great hugger, at least, I wasn't... the Bellas have ruined my life like that."

Casey opened her arms. "Bring it in."

It was a good hug. Casey was tall and she applied just the right amount of pressure.

"You good?" she asked as they parted.

Beca nodded. "Yeah, I think I'm good. Everything else has to wait until after the wedding. Which reminds me: you don't seem nervous at all."

"I'm a little nervous, but I'm mostly excited to start my life with CR. She's... my life."

"And you're hers," Beca said, smiling brightly.

"Yes, but right now she probably needs her best man to get her a cup of coffee up to her room."

"Ah, right. She's probably hiding there to not run into you... bad luck and all that."

Casey nodded. "Exactly."

"Thanks for the talk, Casey."

"Anytime... well, not anytime, but... you know." She smiled.

"Yeah, I know." Beca turned to pour a second cup of coffee.

"See you at the altar," Casey threw back over her shoulder as she left the kitchen.

"See you at the altar."


End file.
